I’ve been in a relationship since 2010, married since 2015.

The relationship started when we were 18/19, now we are 27/28.

I was never a pickme, but I did allow my upbringing and family (i.e. Mother) influence my decisions in the relationship. My partner (unbeknownst to me) was a porn user and brought his sexual issues into the relationship though coercing me into sex that at the time I wasn’t bold enough to decline. Our sex life was completely one sided. It really caused a divide in our relationship and trauma on my part that I’m still working through. I suggested SA meetings and therapy, which he attended on my suggestion, but at some point during the marriage I discovered he was still using. I immediately demanded for him to leave the home, wrote up a separation agreement, and we were separated for nearly seven months.

Fast forward to today: He’s been in weekly SA meeting for two years, has an accountability app for me to view his phone activity (I barely do anymore, it was mainly for initial comfortability for me when his recovery first began), is more expressive with his emotions, transparent about his meetings and recovery progress, and even our sex life is good (He’s actually worked to please me sexually and I’m not the only one who can give me orgasms now)but some of his old habits have stayed.

Cleanliness (or lack thereof)

Yes, he cleans our cats litter, vacuums, gets groceries, picks up things here and there, does the dishes, but it’s the little things he’s constantly missing that I always find.

His attention span is absolute shit. And I’m not the absolute most organized person, but what he’ll do is leave empty water bottles near chairs, drop food on the floor in the kitchen and not notice. Not notice hair on the floor of the shower, urine on the underside of the toilet seat, food stains from his hands on the fridge handle, dried fruit juice on the counter that was spilled from the night before, ripped tissue paper on the floor of the bathroom, leaves mail to accumulate instead of going through it and throwing what is unneeded away, papers and loose clothing all over the floor of his closet, etc.

I’ve also noticed he doesn’t brush his teeth everyday (I can tell when the tooth brush has been dry for two days. I’m not a fucking idiot), and he doesn’t put as much thought into his appearance as I’d like. He’s also a bit overweight, and although that doesn’t bother me, he’s said repeatedly he wants me to encourage him to go to the gym. He’s been to the gym three times in the last two weeks.

I’ve talked to him, as nauseam about it. He’s been to a doctor and was diagnosed with ADHD (not an excuse) but never sought medication. Now after me getting angry about it for the millionth time, he’s been love bombing for the past few days: Cleaning everything in sight, buying medication (on Amazon) to be sent to the house, and basically doing the same shit he always does: Responding to my anger by doing this temporarily until we’re back on good terms and he’ll drop off. I’m not falling for it again. Its been this way for years, and at this point I’m really considering separating permanently because there’s been no change and it’s caused me a lot stress and lessened my attraction to him overall.

For the past few days, I’ve been completely focused on everything I’ve been neglecting by worrying about him: Starting a new job next week, learning web development, tidying my room, etc.

I mainly just needed to vent, because I think I already know what you all are going to say. Trust me, if I had the money, I would’ve been gone a long time ago. But there’s another part of me that says to hold out. I know that he loves me, we’re very close socially, he’s done a lot of work to get into recovery from his addiction, he always supports me in my goals and dreams, is working hard, sixty hours a week to build his own career as an electrician, does favors for me all the time without asking for much in return, but I just feel like he’s immature and isn’t putting forth enough effort to the things I’ve mentioned. Common sensical cleaning habits that most of us learned in kindergarten.

I don’t know what to do from here, honestly. I’m just stuck, confused, and repeatedly disappointed.