Men in a different light

GIfuckingJane · 2020-11-29T21:49:08+00:00

Yeah, had that realization 6 months ago when I discovered FDS, however I see the great guys in a new light now too. It's an awakening that is disorienting at the same time

cicerii · 2020-11-29T22:29:50+00:00

I’m mostly seeing how entitled a lot of men are or how they view a being attractive the most important factor in a woman being a successful person.

SuitablePerformance3 · 2020-11-29T22:57:01+00:00

Yep. I now have 20/20 vision and perfect clarity, trash all around me.

OutlandishnessTiny14 · 2020-11-29T23:07:23+00:00

Not so much a different light; more like wiping the dust off the clouded lens I already viewed men through that was tarnished by years within the higher education system (at least where I live).

Finding FDS feels like a return to my initial perceptions, beliefs and principles about men and relationships.

I’m just on the other side of higher education, and it was a struggle making real connections for reasons I couldn’t quite articulate when I was fully immersed in that environment. Now I realise I’m allergic to performative pick-me behaviour in women, and the repulsive behaviour of most college guys. Generally- I’m at odds with the rampant libfem that permeates university culture.

It’s nice, and very validating after being standard shamed for years for not compromising my dignity, self respect or educational ambitions for underdeveloped man children.

JiltedGroupie · 2020-11-30T01:40:50+00:00

Not quite. I’ve always felt like men - for the most part - don’t hold up their side of the bargain in relationship. They don’t pull their weight and expect women to do a lot of their shit for them. But then I’ve always kind of fallen for gaslighting rationalizations about why “it’s okay for men to be like that” and “men and women are just different” and just total BS about how we need to expect less from men if we want to keep them happy. I would notice that boyfriends expected nice birthday presents like game consoles $$$ but then couldn’t even be bothered to remember my birthday let alone do anything to celebrate it. I would notice that guys never planned fun dates and just wanted to “hang out” and that if I wanted to actually go somewhere or do anything interesting or fun, I’d have to be the one to plan it. If we were to go on a trip, I’d not only have to plan it but fund it. I noticed all this shit and whenever I’d point it out, my pick-me family members and friends would be like “oh you know what they say, men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Men’s brains just don’t work like that. If you want something from them you need to ask very specifically and lay out instructions for them.”
I was raised that way too. The rare time my mom went out of town for even a few days, she’d have to leave detailed instructions for my dad on how to take care of me, what to feed me, where my clothes were kept (the closet - duh), when/where to take me to school, and even hired a cleaning lady to come do housework so he wouldn’t have to. As a kid, I DEFINITELY noticed this but I was told that’s just the way things are. I was told that if I ever married, I’d do all cooking, cleaning, and child rearing while my husband brought money home. I was taught that women who don’t do everything for their men - or god forbid they put their child in daycare and have a career - are inadequate, shameful mothers and are (somehow??) a burden on our economy and tax system.
Basically, I noticed that men weren’t keeping up with women, but I was just always told that this was normal and okay.
Only since FDS do I start questioning these things. I now think men are capable of being full adults just like women are. I now think men have the ability to work careers AND raise children, cook, take care of a home, just like women are able to do these things. I no longer believe men are all stupid helpless babies who need instructions pinned to every household appliance. Men can figure things like laundry on their own just like I was able to as a nine year old girl, and if not, they can easily look up tutorials online just like everyone else. I no longer hold men to a lower standard than women. Now, men need to be just as capable as women are expected to be, or else I can’t muster any feelings of respect towards them.

Platipus6 · 2020-11-30T01:37:26+00:00

Now that I'm not filling in and interpreting what they say with good faith and decent intentions, I can hear the utter drivel, vapidity, crudeness and telling-on-themselves they do.

They're so stupid I can't even engage with them anymore. After being surrounded by empathetic, compassionate women capable of holding a conversation, hearing men's childish, insane, egotistical bullshit is jarring.

2020-11-30T09:08:50+00:00

I’ve known since middle school that something was off about men. The way they talk about women when we’re not around or when we are around (because, depending on how you look, they don’t give af) is horrible.

wrice05 · 2020-12-01T00:08:17+00:00

I'm seeing them differently. I have a weekly professional conference call with me (straight woman), a lesbian woman colleague, and a straight man colleague. Just noticed today how much emotional labor my woman colleague and I do for our male colleague. He takes up 80% of the airtime and it's us sympathizing with his professional challenges, making him feel better. Never noticed it pre-FDS.

Title	Men in a different light
Author	Unfit_Needleworker
Upvotes	168
Comments	12
Date	November 29, 2020 3:54 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/k3blyo/men_in_a_different_light/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-in-a-different-light.329865 https://theredarchive.com/post/329865

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