Men telling you about their trauma?

plutunic · 2019-12-06T11:07:13+00:00

Not really a tactic. More like a red flag.

Any man who brings up serious trauma early on, indicates that he hasn't dealt with it yet. And many of them never do.

level_up_always · 2019-12-06T13:42:44+00:00

Never be a free therapist for a man. He will use you to heal and move onto the next because you remind him too much of the trauma. When he starts talking about it keep bringing up that he should really speak to someone about this and that you're not equipped to deal with it and if he says some manipulative bs like he just likes talking to you or you're such a good listener say that it ruins sexy time or something along those lines and BE FIRM because he will keep doing it. He'll probably be a cry baby about it though. Men don't have the same emotional outlets as women and are trained to view us as their healers, which back before organized religion where goddess cults were a thing and women were truly respected and worshiped would be ok but in this day and age where it's not appreciated hell the fuck no they can pay another woman $200/hr to do that. Or a bartender she's at least getting tipped.

edit: typos

NeitherSpace · 2019-12-06T18:56:53+00:00

It's a sign of classic narcissism = inappropriate confessions and oversharing too soon. That in addition to women being conditioned as nurturers and listeners. Men seek out women who display a modicum of empathy because they are so deprived of real, deep connections with other humans that they think they've met their soulmate as soon as they feel comfortable enough to dump all their emotional baggage on you.

It's a red flag and a tactic. The tactic is that it gives them a false sense of connection and owed loyalty - now you know so much about them, so how could you possibly ghost them? That's not fair. I trusted you. It's a shit test.

It reminds me of the meme of the dude asking if the butterfly is a pigeon. Man: talks to a woman he barely knows and unloads deep trauma onto her and she listens patiently, offering bits of understanding just to be polite. Man: Is this my mother/therapist/soul mate?

hoIds_up_spork · 2019-12-06T12:31:17+00:00

it's because male friendships are much shallower than female friendships so while a woman would have talked through this with her friends, men pretty much focus on sex/girls/sports and any emotional talk is "gay". that's why so many men completely rely on their gf's/wives for emotional support and why they're more likely to off themselves when the relationship fails

AngeliqueDemone · 2019-12-07T00:34:45+00:00

Sounds like he's trying to get "pity pussy" tbh.

riseaboveagain · 2019-12-06T14:27:28+00:00

If men tell you things about themselves that are uncomfortable (abusive parents, childhood illness or trauma, mental issues, etc) too early in a relationship, like on a first date or even online, RUN

It is a very common tactic of manipulative men. They are trying to gain your sympathy, which they will later use to manipulate you.

All their bad behaviors will be expected to be excused by you, because they’ve “had it so rough”

makem3laugh · 2019-12-06T16:40:17+00:00

I was wondering this too recently. Went on a date with a guy and a couple hours before the date he just casually brought up that both of his parents are dead. I felt horrible but also confused cause we’d talked for over two weeks before meeting in person and he never mentioned it. Then during the date we’d been together alike 15 minutes when he says “so yeah my dad abandoned me, my mom died, now my step mom is dead too” in much longer sentences but it did make me feel horrible and so sad for him. We had sex that night and later I was like “huh, I wonder if he does that with every chick..” it just seemed so suspicious with timing and everything else.

extraacct1234 · 2019-12-06T12:39:59+00:00

Could be. But really it's pathetic and disgusting because you don't talk about your trauma on a first date. Also because he's a man I would truly question if his perception that "sister was loved more" was not actually "sister was loved equally" or "sister was given any respect at all" and he wanted it all for himself.

Men lie like fish, even their truths are still really lies.

(Also bonding over your traumas is a cheap shortcut to intimacy and will only get you intimacy with some fucked-up traumatized loser. I know because I did it. I honestly have a hard time getting close to somebody who wasn't abused and have not in fact ever been very close to anybody who has not been abused. It's like we are in a shity club together.)

an0nny · 2019-12-06T12:12:36+00:00

Red flags. Poor him, women have bested him his whole life, that's why he treats them like shit....

the-red_woman · 2019-12-06T15:38:01+00:00

Use it to your advantage. The more you know the more power you have

frostrust · 2019-12-06T10:53:07+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Men telling you about their trauma?
Author	idiosyncraticg1
Upvotes	37
Comments	25
Date	December 6, 2019 10:48 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e6x859/men_telling_you_about_their_trauma/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-telling-you-about-their-trauma.687426 https://theredarchive.com/post/687426

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