Mood

sheokay · 2020-02-26T19:52:41+00:00

Wow. This stuck me hard. I often blame myself for getting myself into bad situations with men. I try my best to be safe and the longer I date, the faster I recognize the red flags... but the guilt gets strong sometimes.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-02-26T20:05:09+00:00

This is perfect for everyone screaming that women should pick better. Some of the trash out there will pull out all the stops to appear decent and loving, only to pull the rug out from under you one day. It's much harder to up and leave when you're emotionally invested and these low value men know that. That's why we have to wait as long as possible to fall in love and always be ready to leave at the first yellow/red flag.

naamshiko · 2020-02-27T01:02:31+00:00

From my experience though, I think that once you’ve started catching feelings, it is already too late to notice the red flags, or to make a rational decision upon seeing them.

This is why the vetting method taught by the FDS is the most important rule to me.

The first three dates are extremely important. Trust your gut instinct. If you notice ONE single red flag you need to be out of here. Don’t give men second chances thinking it was maybe just a mistake. Because it wasn’t.

ForevaBubbles · 2020-02-26T23:01:28+00:00

It's so true, sometimes it's really hard to see those red flags, especially when you're young and haven't dated much. Guys are good at pretending to be nice and caring in the beginning. I dated a guy for seven years which was a totally toxic relationship but I was too naive to realize it. I just wanted to be loved and have someone there for me which made me blind to the millions of red flags. I still blame myself for staying in all the bad relationships for as long as I did. I look back and am like wow, I am so dumb for thinking that would work or that was ok. Other people are always ready to blame you for it too, they're like yeah he was horrible I don't know why you stayed so long. Then I am like yeah I don't know either I was just young, naive, dumb, and hopeful. Dating is hard and you really have to learn how to identify red flags without your feelings getting in the way. I'm sorry it happens to so many people and I wish it was easier for everyone. I think women need to forgive themselves more for these mistakes and all you can do is learn from it and get better at seeing those red flags.

raeven98 · 2020-02-26T21:44:51+00:00

“When you’re looking through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags” - (a quote from a cartoon I binge watched in college)

Pogojen · 2020-02-26T22:02:45+00:00

Don't fall prey to sunk cost fallacy

myousername · 2020-02-26T22:49:59+00:00

Thank you. I needed to hear that today.

DJSparksalot · 2020-02-27T03:34:19+00:00

Thanks for this. I try not to get too down on myself for letting my ex "win" and be the dumper and me not realize he was a hateful cheating scumbag loser until way after being dumped.. since he certainly called me stupid enough times for both of us so I shouldn't have tobut it's hard. Especially since for an entire year he acted like he was actually a human being who valued me before devolving gradually. Red flags didn't get dropped until he started getting jealous of me actually making something of myself while he wallowed.

pacachan · 2020-02-27T16:06:20+00:00

I did the best I could at the time with the tools I had. Posts like this are appreciated. I know intellectually that I was deceived and taken advantage of, and others in my situation might have been fooled as well, but sometimes I don't feel it.

AnonPinkLady · 2020-02-27T02:13:36+00:00

YES THANK YOU

Title	Mood
Author	AspenGoddess
Upvotes	740
Comments	22
Date	February 26, 2020 7:16 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f9ygqp/mood/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/mood.681446 https://theredarchive.com/post/681446

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