Narcissists, No Contact and the Spaghetti Technique - Esteemology

bonghits4jess · 2021-10-23T13:08:08+00:00

That text example was too accurate, especially the part where the narc says “I’m going through some things but it will be over soon.” My narc ex would say this All. The. Time. He claimed to have some issue with his private part that I personally NEVER saw or even knew what he was talking about, but for him it was so vital to have it fixed. He went to the doctor for it once way before I met him and according to him the cure was exercise and more sex. He grabbed ahold of that like his life depended on it and used it to excuse every shitty thing he did:

He cheated: “I did it so I could fix my body.”
never wanted to run errands with me because “I need to exercise so I can’t do groceries with you rn”
Forced me to leave a music festival during my favorite DJs set: “I’m really self conscious of my body and I can’t handle a big crowd staring at me”
Ditched me on my cousins quinceañera: “I just can’t handle what your family will say about my body (???)”
Ghosted our kid for a month after we broke up: “I needed to work on my body so I could be a good dad to our kid (???)”

We could only have sex in one position because the others hurt. When he did have money he would spend on protein powder, weights, gym memberships when I was pregnant and knowing we needed to save up for the baby’s stuff. He made me cry so many times when he would selfishly choose to prioritize his issues over our baby.

Now that we’re not together I honestly don’t even think this issue is real. I confirmed with his ex that he acted just as unhinged about this issue as he did with me, but she also didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. He either has severe body dysmorphia or he’s a sociopath who fakes an injury to get people to pity him.

I’m so glad the article mentioned this being part of the narcissist’s playbook because it’s honestly why it took me so long to realize that he’s not depressed or going through a rough spot, he’s just abusive.

XNjunEar · 2021-10-23T13:38:15+00:00

Cold hot friendships, men who contact and then ghost repeatedly, relationships where you break up and get back together, all cause the same addictive effect as slot machines or gambling: an intermittent release of feel-good brain hormones and that is what keeps one hooked. You don't cut a dog's tail bit by bit, you do it all at once. If you decide to go NC do block in all platforms.

top_of_the_stairs · 2021-10-23T11:04:02+00:00

That fictional example of a text convo was a liiiiiiiiittle too real for me lol 🤦‍♀️ gives me like emotional flashbacks

Gourmay · 2021-10-23T16:56:57+00:00

I used to be all about explaining to them why they messed up, diplomacy etc. And I’m so glad this place has taught me that block & delete is the only way to deal with narcs and manipulation. I can’t say I’ve been perfect at it, but at the very least, I’ve read the messages and not replied. If you must reply, I suggest grey rocking. Replying “sure”, “ok”, and “I’m sorry you feel that way”, is a good way to stay uninvolved and de-escalate.

aluriaphin · 2021-10-23T08:16:27+00:00

The slot machine analogy of intermittent rewards is such a good one, great reminder that No Contact means none, never ever. Even replying back once to say "fuck off" is giving them a win and an in. You didn't decide to go NC for no reason. You have no reason to go back on it.

(Dealing with this right now in fact, been NC from my abusive narc dad for years and OUT OF THE BLUE last week I got a package on the doorstep. No note attached but he sent me a useless item worth several hundred dollars, just trying a new tactic to see if I'll bite. I won't. I'm going to try to return it to the company and if that won't work I will sell it. He won't hear a peep from me regardless.)

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Title	Narcissists, No Contact and the Spaghetti Technique - Esteemology
Author	Love_Artemis
Upvotes	140
Comments	9
Date	October 23, 2021 7:42 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qe0ct0/narcissists_no_contact_and_the_spaghetti/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/narcissists-no-contact-and-the-spaghetti-technique.1082302 https://theredarchive.com/post/1082302

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