Online Dating

Sage_Planter · 2020-08-12T15:32:46+00:00

It's all just a headache. One of the problems with online dating is that it's so dependent on who's on what app where. What's popular new me might suck near you. For example, some people swear by Match, but it's a shit show in SoCal.

Unfortunately, the only way to sort through the trash is patience, extreme vetting, and boundaries.

super_thinker_ · 2020-08-12T16:27:25+00:00

I've learned to be very wary of block texters: the guys who write long blocks of texts right out of the gate.

At first, it feels nice to talk to a guy who replies with more than 2 words, but the block texters I've dated have all turned out to be the smooth talker, emotional manipulator, mansplainer, devils advocate, closeted sexist, womanizer, love bomber, loves the sound of his own voice, user type.

It's so strange. It's like they use long text and phone conversations to lure you in. They'll trick you into believing that it is emotional intimacy, but it's the opposite. They just like the rush of making someone fall in love with them.

In my experience, these "emotionally deep" guys always turn out to be very emotionally manipulative and neglectful.

Marionberry12345 · 2020-08-12T19:22:54+00:00

There is no surefire way to know except the test of time. You didn’t read him wrong, it’s just part of the vetting process. It’s not what they do that matters, it’s how you respond.

It doesn’t matter what site you use because most men use multiple apps. Beyond that, here are my tips:

Don’t assume they’re being honest about their age (or anything else). Look up their college graduation date on LinkedIn and use it to calculate their age.
I’d recommend doing a background check to see if they have a criminal record or any marriages/divorces. I pay for a monthly unlimited account on Intelius.
Good signs: Putting a lot of effort into your conversations, making it clear they’ve read your profile, long messages, give and take of asking questions and sharing information about themselves, inside jokes, etc.
I always ask to speak on the phone before meeting. Believe it or not, this simple step weeds out a lot of men.
I ask what motivated them to download the app. While men can and do lie, this question still terrifies commitment phobic men and you can learn a lot from their answer.
Don’t assume that someone is high value simply because they have a good education and job. I’m actually more suspicious of someone who’s perfect on paper because I wonder why they can’t meet girls through their own network. (Yes, I see how this is the pot calling the kettle black, but it’s still true.)
Listen to your gut. If something feels off, it probably is.
My personal turnoffs: Putting their Snapchat or Instagram handle in their profiles, no words in their bio, shirtless selfies, photos with other girls, drinking or partying pics, neggy lists of what they expect from their matches, and the list could unfortunately continue forever.

buttercup_010 · 2020-08-12T17:01:03+00:00

If you just got your mind and self esteem back, why would you want to go and lose them again with OLD?

buttercup_010 · 2020-08-12T19:30:56+00:00

There are too many assholes, it’s gonna take a lot of time to sift through. You really don’t know who you’re meeting on there, you come across all kinds of depraved people, that LOOK normal. You’ll meet people who seem like nice and normal guys who are the fuckboys of all fuckboys. I got fooled a couple times before I wised up. You’ve gotta go in VERY skeptical, and do NOT put any faith or trust in them until you see an actual reason to, which for a complete stranger will probably take a while. But it eventually comes out. Don’t ignore red flags is the biggest thing, have a very low threshold to block and delete.

Check out: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/break-dating-code-truth-about-dating-finding-one/id1487315645 I think she gives good online dating tips- basically, go ahead and be picky af

manalitta88 · 2020-08-12T15:31:29+00:00

Beware of 'handsome and too perfect to be true' men on dating apps...there is almost always something wrong going on...hence the text message asking for nudes at 2am...not saying that all are the same but just be careful.

comet2004 · 2020-08-12T16:24:09+00:00

I think by limiting talking to guys who clearly have read your profile and try to have a genuine conversation weeds out a lot of assholes. Guys who try flirting right away almost always tend to be an ass even if you successfully steer the convo away from it. you should always be vetting though never trust a guy you meet online until you've known them for months.

sayingnonow · 2020-08-12T16:18:28+00:00

I like Hinge, but I heard it’s only good in big cities. I like how I don’t even have to bother swiping, I just look through the men that liked me and choose accordingly. I also like the fact that you can easily tell how much effort someone is putting in because of the prompts. For example, I don’t match with guys who have little to no information on their profile since I know they’re probably LVM just looking for a hookup. I hope that somewhat helped

eng2fly · 2020-08-13T02:17:22+00:00

I wrote a guide on it if you click my post history. I met a HVM off tinder

timetofliptables · 2020-08-13T04:04:02+00:00

Well here’s a trick I use for Hinge: a sort of mild thirst trap. I have mostly down to earth photos or ones of me being goofy as is my personality, text to match, and then one photo from a wedding where I’m in a sexy but elegant dress. So it’s subtle enough not to turn off HVM but as my only sexy photo I know of a guy picks it, where their mind is at (on Hinge you have to “like” something to initiate a match.)

If a guy likes that photo, unless there’s something really stellar on his profile (which hasn’t yet happened), it’s an immediate no from me because they’re showing their hand.

Also if they start with a compliment about my looks, immediate no pile. You matched me dude, clearly you see something you like, I don’t need to be flattered.

So far it does a good job of weeding out total creeps. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten propositioned or sent dick pics since getting really strategic about things, but I haven’t gotten any good prospects either so...

Like... who the eff knows.

Title	Online Dating
Author	bunnyQatar
Upvotes	14
Comments	21
Date	August 12, 2020 3:25 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i8fpuw/online_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/online-dating.54868 https://theredarchive.com/post/54868

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