Potential HVM Ready to hear his thoughts on GF status

LordDunderhead · 2020-09-07T23:16:13+00:00

I told him in the beginning I wasn't interested in getting serious until the right person came along.

I'm not sure why you'd explicitly need to say that, as it could easily be misinterpreted as you being open to hookups and casual hangouts.

Obviously everyone is looking for the right person to come along, but until then: don't reveal your strategy.

And I would strongly recommend you dating multiple men simultaneously. You're just wasting your time if you are loyal to someone who's not even interested in being serious. If a guy likes you, he will ask for exclusivity.

AbundantOverflow · 2020-09-08T00:52:57+00:00

Honestly, I don’t think it makes sense to say you don’t want something and then turn around and wonder why he’s not asking for what you said you don’t want.

You’ve put yourself in a position where you will need to give him some type of relationship green light to let him know you are open to being serious with him. Everybody has different timelines so if he’s been consistent, it’s possible that he’s trying to properly time asking for commitment without alienating you.

It’s been 3+ months so I think you should know whether you want to be exclusive with him. If you are ready, communicate that. If he is not, then move on. Keep it simple.

And in the future, I suggest avoiding declarations about timelines because it sends mixed messages or makes it seem like you’re playing games. Just observe and receive (and make moves if you’re not getting what you want).

purasangria · 2020-09-07T22:49:19+00:00

Don't say anything, see what he does. He's likely not interested if he's not asked for exclusivity in 3 months, though.

I no longer initiate discussions of this nature with men.

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-09-07T22:18:01+00:00

Without saying that he’s ‘the right person’ you are saying it by letting him continue to date you- if you want I’d say, ‘hey, I like dating you, and wanted to let you know that I enjoy your company,’ and kind of let him go from there and he’ll initiate the questions of exclusivity.

socalqueenofcheese · 2020-09-08T04:07:19+00:00

Ahh this is so tricky but personally red flags with your thinking are popping up for me. You had to post about how to get him to do something. That’s no good for you as a HVW. It shifts your energy. I think you need to really recenter yourself and remember that you are a queen. I don’t believe it is out of respect, I believe it is out of him not being sure he wants to be very serious yet which is fine for now if you weren’t sure.. but you wanting the commitment and thinking he isn’t doing it out of respect isn’t logical. If he wanted to ask you, he would. You are making an excuse for him. I think you should evaluate him and this situation as if you had never made the comment. He is some guy who hasn’t asked you to be exclusive yet but might be HV. Nothing more to it. How do you respond from there? Most likely pull away and get even busier. I know you say you have no room for another man. Well make less room for the one you “have” even if it is not dating others and just doing more stuff with friends. Put him on the back burner

Mountain_Nectarine_6 · 2020-09-08T02:25:53+00:00

My boyfriend asked me to his girlfriend 5 dates and 3 weeks in. That was after I hinted to him I have other dates but don’t want to see them and he got the hint and asked me out officially. 3 months is a long time. If he doesn’t ask out in the next week, you need to move on.

Have you had sex yet? Does he use “we” or future language? This is important.

Edit: have you had the exclusivity talk yet?

Title	Potential HVM Ready to hear his thoughts on GF status
Author	socalqueenofcheese
Upvotes	32
Comments	24
Date	September 7, 2020 7:35 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ioech3/potential_hvm_ready_to_hear_his_thoughts_on_gf/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/potential-hvm-ready-to-hear-his-thoughts-on-gf.214958 https://theredarchive.com/post/214958

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