Queen Jess spitting sad facts today

millennialpink2000 · 2022-02-26T22:15:17+00:00

This is one of the sanest things I've read in a while. I wish I had known this info growing up

thepsychopathhunter · 2022-02-26T23:03:45+00:00

Yep. This reminds me of a comment I saw on social media under a post about the additional dangers online dating poses.

The comment was from a smug woman saying, "I met my boyfriend on Discord. He and I are sooo happy. It can work if you do it correctly." Cue eyeroll at last statement which shames people who have been victims of violent men especially from online dating just because of *her* experience.

It also implies that women who don't experience male violence or don't experience abuse from online dating are somehow "doing it correctly." Ummm...in a patriarchal society it's very unlikely you're exempt from some form of male violence (whether it's verbal, psychological, sexual aggression) whether from online dating or IRL meetings. So either you haven't seen his true colors, you're settling for less or he's a rare HVM who happens to be a gamer and Discord person.

Meanwhile I also have insider knowledge that many men who use Disord 24/7 tend to be avid obsessed gamers who fetishize women and they tend to be low-value men. I am sure there are exceptions so no offense to people who have met their significant other on Discord in other contexts (not an attack on the platform itself, but rather an observation about the way gamer men tend to overuse it) but I haven't seen many.

lostmillenia · 2022-02-26T21:33:00+00:00

She and Lundy agree on this.

askmeabouttheforest · 2022-02-26T22:08:05+00:00

Maybe a bit of a tangent, but:

Some years back, when I complained to my office neighbor/work friend about being SH'd by the office creep (he was part of our "team leader"'s extended family, so obviously no help was coming from her), my work friend said I had to be attracting it somehow.

And the worst part was that I believed her. Instead of getting angry, I analyzed and scrutinized myself and my every action - what could I possibly have done that caused it? What could I possibly do to make it stop?

Then MeToo broke, and it was like I had been shaken from some weird nightmare. Suddenly I was like: "If it happens to everyone, everywhere, all the time, then it can't really be my fault!"

Sadly, nothing else changed - the SH didn't stop, the general acceptance and protection of abusers didn't stop, the opportunities lost because of SH weren't restored. The only thing that changed was that I let myself be rightfully angry instead of neurotically monitoring myself, and it's still a huge difference.

Still, I don't know how we go about fixing this - fixing the laws, the policing, the media, the social norms that make it so men feel comfortable acting this way. Political action and activism seem like they might bear fruit in 2 or 3 generations maybe. But at least, knowing we're not the problem, knowing that this is wrong, is still a considerable improvement over doubting our own perception of reality.

snootdidanoot · 2022-02-27T07:05:00+00:00

It's sadly true, almost every women I know has been abused by a man at some point

modernmedusaa · 2022-02-27T19:09:49+00:00

Sobering but not surprising.

40,000 logged …that’s no small number

Sewud · 2022-02-27T12:29:17+00:00

It's also a question of how much you let other people penetrate your boundaries and how much you tolerate their bullshit. That's not the same as saying the victim provokes or attracts the abuse, it's just that she fails to leave when the abuser trespasses boundaries and manipulates her, and she might do it again with other abusers. I know the abuser can make it extremely hard to leave, like when I wanted to leave my abuser he would send me harassing messages everywhere and when I blocked him and repeteadly told him to leave me alone, he showed up at my house. I also know that my mistake was not taking myself seriously enough. I was totally crushed by the stress and crying every day from his messages, but I didn't think I could go to the police about it. I kept thinking it was my fault. I didn't do anything wrong, but my "fault" was that I wasn't able to love this older abusive man, and he kept reminding me of it and guilting me for not wanting to date him, he said I was useless and had nothing going on for myself anyway. He always said that if I was a better person, I'd find a way to make it work, for him, for his happiness. He also constantly said that since I didn't want to date him, he would k*ll himself before the end of the year. This kept me in this odd situation where I felt like I had to get him help from someone else, but he made sure to make this impossible. He thwarted each of my efforts to get outside help. He said it was only about me, and he kept begging me and begging me to date him. I really wish I had known that when guys say this, they are lying. He never intended to harm himself, he was just using it as leverage.

Title	Queen Jess spitting sad facts today
Author	Platipus6
Upvotes	1080
Comments	12
Date	February 26, 2022 8:47 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/t26oj8/queen_jess_spitting_sad_facts_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/queen-jess-spitting-sad-facts-today.1102753 https://theredarchive.com/post/1102753

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