I am an artist who has been posting my artwork online for quite some time. I have met a lot of people this way, some good, and some bad, basically everything you would expect meeting people online. You basically never know what you're gonna get, or how those friendships will go. I want to talk about an experience that happened to me with one of these friendships - which I thought would have taken off, instead I was met with tons of red flags, and I believe my experience will be helpful for others who read it.

I met this guy, J, online through my artwork around 2019. He was just a fan of my work who reached out, i didn't think anything big of it. We would chat sometimes, but it was mostly about my artwork, them sending me praise and saying I had the potential to become a great content creator. That made me feel quite special and motivated to keep posting my art, but he was just one among many other fans who encouraged me.

Fast-forward a couple of months, and he sends me this instagram page to follow of S, telling me that I should give them a follow and support them because they are a smaller artist. I happily do so, because supporting other small artists is critical in my opinion. How does this go along with the story? Well, little did I know, this small artist was actually his ex, something I found out later on. I had no idea what I was digging myself into as this story goes along.

Earlier this year, we were going through some similar things. Both of our exes were not so good people, they were both narcs, and overall, we could relate our situations together a lot. This led to a phone call, the first we ever did after months of a long-distance friendship, and that's when I really felt I had feelings for them. They genuinely seemed like a very rational, level-headed person. Boy, was I wrong!

A few days ago, we called and it was SO pleasant. It was very refreshing, a breath of fresh air if you will. Cue the next phone call - the WHOLE time, they talked about their ex, S. Talking about her new "meat head" as he calls it, how she isn't giving him enough attention anymore, how he probably won't see her in a long time because she is so focused on her new boyfriend. I was just sitting there processing how in our last phone call, he said he felt he had feelings for me too. I thought me and J had great chemistry, how our feelings were mutual, all for me to realize during this phone call, how much he obsessed over his ex and what a red flag 🚩 that was in my mind.

I had to hang up. All he kept talking about was his ex. How she's the only person who understood him (rolls my eyes) and how she still treats him like garbage, and he's perfectly okay with that, instead of starting fresh and leaving his past behind.

I messaged him saying that I wasn't going to keep this going, as I know I would ALWAYS be in his exes shadow, and there's no way I was going to subject myself to that. Ladies, I respect myself WAY to much to do that to myself.

The kicker? He said I "could be the one to pull him away from her grasp"

EVERY alarm bell starting ringing. That was the cherry on top of all this f*ckery, because why should I be the one to pull YOU away from someone of YOUR past? That is his job entirely, not mine! I don't even know the correct words or terminology for that behavior, but it was and instant "HELL NO!" for me in my mind!

I instantly ended the friendship & blocked them. I absolutely will not tolerate that in my life. Very LVM behavior if I do say so myself.

This really opened up my eyes, that even if you know someone for 1+ year, you may never truly know who they are.

Honorable mentions 🚩

  • Kept bringing up the word "incel" a lot in our last phone call. He would bring up studies about how male height is very important for woman, and since he is 5'6 it makes things more difficult for him. Just stuff I've NEVER heard him say before - LVM are very good at hiding things like this
  • Saying I did a "complete 180" after the phone calls and stated that I was cutting them out of my life, even though I just stated I wasn't going to be in someone else's shadow and yada yada? Jesus...face palm
  • Bringing up male suicide rates in the US, how they are higher than any other nation, I assume he is relating this to women or some bullsh*t like that... -His unhealthy obsession with his ex who treats him like GARBAGE 🗑. Need I say more?
  • [adding this to the main post from my comment] This guy was literally so obsessed with her, he wanted to commit suicide when he found out she was dating someone else...and got mad at her for it even, and they weren't even together!! I was genuinely appaled that I knew someone this long and they kept it all hidden