It’s not, “he’s the one who got away”, it’s “he didn’t appreciate what he had when he had it, and that tells me it was never meant to be anyway”.

It’s not “he got with her after we broke up. What does she have that I don’t?”, it’s “HE didn’t have what I need in a partner, and he probably doesn’t have what she needs either. His character flaws are numerous, and I pity her because she doesn’t know it yet”.

It’s not “why isn’t he texting me”, it’s “I’m going to focus on myself and what’s in my power. Other people’s choices in how much they communicate with me show me how they feel about me”.

It’s not “he’s like that because he had a bad childhood/is depressed”, it’s “I expect someone who wants to be in a relationship with me to be mature and self-aware enough to get help for their issues. I don’t deserve to be anyone’s punching bag.”.

It’s not “what can I do to make him like me?”, it’s “I only fall for people who have shown clear investment in me. Anything less is not attractive to me.”

It’s not “I’m going to clean for my bf, show him my great wifey qualities” it’s “I don’t need to preform for anyone. I deserve to be loved and cherished as I am”.

It’s not “I don’t deserve the best because I am a 7 and I still have 10 lbs to lose”, it’s “I deserve love and respect no matter what. I will only be with someone who uplifts me, not tears me down. I will not tear myself down either, I am kind to myself”.

It’s not “I need to teach him the basic tenets of respect”, it’s “this person is an adult and it’s not my job to educate them. I walk away from anyone who doesn’t want to change their destructive habits.”

It’s not “partnerships have to be 50/50! I don’t want to feel like I owe anyone anything” it’s “I enjoy it when my partner shows me how much I mean to him and treats me. I am comfortable being courted and being a cherished queen”.

It’s not “good things don’t happen to people like me”, it’s “why wouldn’t something good happen to me?”

It’s not “I am powerless over my circumstances and feel helpless”, it’s “I have the ability every day to choose what I give my attention to and what emotions I nurture. I also get to choose who’s in my life and who’s not. I am not obligated to put my needs behind anyone else’s”.

It’s not “I am so unlucky in love”, it’s “I am blessed that I am not currently in a bad relationship. Things could be much worse.”

It’s not “how do I get this LVM to see the light?” it’s “I am going to focus my energy elsewhere. My time is too precious”.

It’s not “I have to be selfless and giving, or else no one will love me”, it’s “I only want to associate with people who respect my boundaries and are not offended by me protecting my peace. A good partner would encourage me not to compromise my boundaries”.

It’s not “I envy her”, it’s “she looks like she is living her best life. I am working on that every day too”.

It’s not “my job is so shitty”, it’s “this is temporary. I get to choose how much I let external factors affect me. No one can take my inner peace. Not even a shitty boss”.

It’s not “I am ambivalent about this person, so I will be lukewarm/wishy-washy with them out of politeness”, it’s “I will act in accordance with my true feelings and be straightforward if need be”.

It’s not “he keeps prioritizing his own needs over mine. How do I make him stop?” It’s “I decided he is beneath my standards, so I blocked him”.

It’s not “being single sucks”, it’s “I am confident that not being in a relationship right now is much better than settling and wasting my time. I love having so much time to spend on myself”.

It’s not “I don’t know if this is my scene, I have impostor syndrome”, it’s “if they can do it, so can I. I am proud of my accomplishments, and I deserve to be here. I may feel uncomfortable at times, but that’s alright”.

It’s not “I am going to read narcissist articles to try to see if he really is a narcissist or if I’m overreacting”, it’s “diagnosed narcissist or not, his behavior makes me uncomfortable, I am not being honored or adored, so I am going to end this relationship and spend my time reading level-up material instead. My life and my potential are more important. I can’t be held back by emotionally handicapped LVM”.

It’s not “he is so rude for doing that, how dare he???”, it’s “how wonderful it is that I got to see his true colors. His disrespect says nothing about me and everything about him”.

It’s not “I am so mad at so and so for saying that”, it’s “giving them my anger is giving them too much attention. I am making the choice to stay calm and enjoy my day”.

change your inner voice, change your life. What we’re not going to do in 2021 is decipher texts and LVM behavior anymore. At the first sign of low-value, drop him no questions asked. LVM are psychic vampires siphoning energy from your level-up journey. They need to consume all your emotional labor so they can level-up. Well what about you sis?? Don’t lose yourself for a man, ever. You are responsible for you. Required summer reading is He’s Just Not That Into You. Confusion, ambivalence, thinking we can change people, all that can stay in 2020 🗑.