Remarrying after starter marriage.

understatedalways · 2020-08-21T12:03:19+00:00

Queen, those of us who have been married a lot of the time feel the exact same way. I was also married, am very financially well off, and actually enjoy raising my kids on my own. I have no desire to be legally entangled to another man.

heliodrome · 2020-08-21T12:30:25+00:00

There really are no benefits if you are financially well off. Marriage was invented to protect a man’s offspring and ensure that the property goes to the rightful heir. It was never invented to protect women.

pineappleshampoo · 2020-08-21T11:43:44+00:00

I don’t know where you’re from but you’re better off searching online for a list of marriage benefits and responsibilities. I’m from the U.K. for example and citizens advice has a great page detailing the difference between marriage and just cohabiting for various stuff like property ownership, renting, child custody.

If none of the benefits apply to you or actually benefit you in any way then it makes zero sense marrying. I know some people are pro marriage at all costs but it’s not always beneficial in every circumstance. For some women it’s actually deleterious.

painmakesyoustronger · 2020-08-21T14:43:18+00:00

32 as well. Divorced at 27. No desire to remarry. Why get financially in bed with someone so that they can ruin you?

Also, just watched S1 of Doctor Foster on Netflix, which perfectly illustrates how this happens, and I highly recommend....

I’ve been through so much trauma with men post divorce (divorce was unwanted on my end, but it turned out to be a great thing), that I stopped dating this year and my health skyrocketed. They just aren’t worth it. At all.

annonymouspanda1 · 2020-08-21T12:39:04+00:00

My mom is happier after her divorce.

She has a boy friend whom takes her out and buys her stuff even does things like bring her to doctor appointments or stop by with oranges because the news told him vitamin C is key in preventing COVID. part of why it works I think is he’s divorced as well and neither want a serious commitment or to do something like live together. My mom thinks she just got rid of one man to be trying to bring another one.

Meanwhile all her pickmesha friends whom look down on her mind set are already on their second husband tolerating brand new toxic bullshit.

Moral of the story for me is don’t let anyone make you feel like you need a man. Define what your looking for and your boundaries and go from there.

oldncranky1982 · 2020-08-21T14:02:47+00:00

What I have discovered since divorce is that I enjoy being a mother more than I enjoy being in a romantic relationship. The only thing that bothers me is my sex drive. If I could be rid of that, I'd be solid.

KindredMaximus · 2020-08-21T11:41:27+00:00

My go to attitude - backed up by my psychologist and statistics - was to NEVER have a man around my children while they were growing up. Not in our home, not in their life. The risks are too high. I divorced when my youngest was 10 and that meant nobody in my life for 8 years. That was the decision I made and I have to say, taking that possibility off the table meant I could concentrate on our lives without outside interference. My youngest met no man until she was 19. If you must have a man in your life - keep him away from your kids for at least a year. The statistics of damage done by step parents are horrific. Our kids have nobody but us to stand for them. We are their battle walls and if we let them down, we have failed. I hated my exes girlfriend looking after my kids. All of my kids are adults now and they would walk over hot coals for me because I showed I would make sure their home was theirs alone. As kids and teenagers, they could relax in their home without an interloper interfering. My son offered to pay my bills this weekend (misunderstanding about why my internet was down) and he is a student who lost his job in Covid. My daughter splurged on a luxury getaway for us both out of her own money. Date when you don't have your kids and keep him out of you house. Good luck! PS- still single by choice. Life is easier.

GlobalDynamicsEureka · 2020-08-21T15:18:26+00:00

I'm getting divorced, but I have no kids. I know where I went wrong the first time. I want to get married and have a family. I need to say that I have never been abused or cheated on, though. I think a lot of marriages end because of that. I can see how that would turn you off marriage. I liked being married when we were in love. We just grew apart and he resented me for finding my passion and making friends when he hadn't. (We moved to a new state.)

Ms_Tilly · 2020-08-21T16:01:14+00:00

I'm not doing it again. I don't even want to live with a man again. I'm talking to a man with two young kids now and I have zero interest in ever even meeting his kids. I just want to date on the days we're both childfree. Even my last long term boyfriend barely saw my son. We did Halloween once and a couple parades. I just wanted to keep it separate. It's such a different attitude than I had before my marriage/divorce.

2020-08-21T15:46:31+00:00

Presently you’re married undergoing a divorce and not actually sure what you’re looking for in a man dating- with a 2 year old. That’s a hard interlocking set issues to sort through. Having zero interest in future legal entanglements with men is very appropriate and normal considering your situation.

After the divorce finalizes and you adjust into your new routine- while considering all these things- that’s the space to make informed decisions about future relationships. You’ll really be able to see what the specific pros and cons are because you’ll be more firmly settled into what your life as a divorced single mother of a toddler entails.

FDS says do what benefits you the most. That’s obviously very individual. Imo it’s too soon to make plans because the situation is still evolving.

There’s so many unknown variables here- and so many dating/relationship strategies and standards and etc that you could employ. And of course there’s no guarantees.

Right now remarriage is a no. Revisit this in a year - you’ll be in a totally different place.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-08-21T14:29:38+00:00

I have never been married but I really only see it as an indicator of commitment if I ever were to buy property together or have kids (which I don’t really plan on). I don’t think marriage has to be the end game for everyone, I think you can apply the portions of FDS (respect including respecting yourself, good treatment, only allowing beneficial people into your life) to anyone you entertain as an interpersonal relationship, regardless of what level of commitment you’re looking to have with them. You don’t have to settle for the average guy that wants marriage, you can hold out for the guy that wants the same level of commitment/legal entanglements (or lack thereof) and is still a HVM, just the way you want it. There are women that don’t have traditional marriage as an end game and I’ve heard a few success stories where they met men who were high value but also didn’t want full blown marriage and kids so they just date to the extent that they both want to.

RiteWriter · 2020-08-22T00:12:24+00:00

Following

heliodrome · 2020-08-21T13:20:52+00:00

Too bad Marx is tied in with communists. He had some good points. I’m a Marxist and will always remain. https://www.marxists.org/history/erol/uk.hightide/basis.htm

Title	Remarrying after starter marriage.
Author	manderinne
Upvotes	34
Comments	19
Date	August 21, 2020 11:23 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iduxq3/remarrying_after_starter_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/remarrying-after-starter-marriage.167403 https://theredarchive.com/post/167403

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