Serious question about meds, plz help

brainsandb00bs · 2020-04-22T23:21:10+00:00

I have dated men who were self aware enough to admit they have a problem, and man enough to seek out help...

...and men who probably needed to be medicated but were convinced they were neurotypical.

I'd choose the self aware man over the other man every time.

In my opinion, I feel like even if you aren't mentally ill everyone could benefit from therapy. If you are a human being with a childhood and human relationships and a past, no matter how great you think all those things are, you could still benefit from therapy.

Behind every diagnosed, medicated man doing something about his mental health is literally thousands of other men projecting their undiagnosed mental illness on the women they convinced the world are crazy.

I have borderline personality disorder which if you know of it, is one of those mental health disorders that people don't think is worth being understanding for. Meaning, people are very supportive of mental health when your mental health illness symptoms are "acceptable" (people are ok with you being sad, or worried). But god forbid you exhibit any of the several other symptoms that are common with other mental illness beyond anxiety or depression - suddenly you are a toxic bitch with the worst intentions that requires immediate cancellation.

This can cause a pretty lonely existence for some people. If you search BPD, you will find a lot of content from jaded ex lovers from people with undiagnosed or untreated BPD saying how we are all a lost cause. That isn't necessarily true or fair, its a sweeping generalization that everyone that has ever had this one diagnoses is doomed to the same fate. That takes away control from the sick person, basically telling them because you are sick you are unlovable and a waste of effort. In the case of BPD, you end up starved of the one thing you crave or feel like you need the most - meaningful human connections. Which then make your symptoms flare up worse, which makes people hate you more, etc etc.

That isn't helpful for people to mental illness, it only fuels feelings of isolation that then fuel suicidal idealizations.

In my case, I have been in remission for awhile and feel like I no longer meet the criteria at all since I no longer experience the minimum of 5/9 symptoms. I am a high value woman in every regard. I am smart, successful academically and professionally, I out earn the average American family with just my main source of income alone, I am conventionally attractive, I am cultured, and I a have a vibrant personality. I am also technically mentally ill, and at a point severely so. I was not a high value woman when I was not diagnosed. I was not a high value woman when I got a diagnosis but did not pursue treatment.

I put in the work to become a more high value woman, in order to attract a true high value man, by seeking real help for my problems and sticking to it.

My whole point is in my situation, a man taking anti depressants is not a red flag alone. It would be hypocritical of me to say that a HVM to me would have never suffered or conquered a mental health issue. However, I think its fair if you are neurotypical to set that standard for yourself. Although I do think someone actively working on their issues and acknowledging them is not a red flag on its own, its also not your burden to bear if you don't already have these issues. It is a challenge, and you don't know how far they are in their healing process. You don't have to give them a chance if you feel uncomfortable with their situation, or if you feel like in doing so you are giving someone the benefit of the doubt. The most dangerous thing you can give a man, is the benefit of the doubt. So trust your gut. Maybe something inside you pushed you to make this post because you know for you, dealing with these issues is not something you want for your life. I think that is okay.

Nearby-Armadillo · 2020-04-22T22:53:10+00:00

I take them myself. Do you have specific questions about them?

wildcardwitch · 2020-04-22T22:57:53+00:00

I have dated men on antidepressants. You are correct that acknowledging and maintaining their mental health is very key. Antidepressants will affect everyone differently, and it also depends on the kind they are taking. It's pretty common that it kills sex drive, so that is something to consider.

Like any other issue, it's not acceptable that he take his problems out on you or expect you to fix it, or excuse bad behavior with it. We all have times of less than great mental health, I don't see it as a true deal breaker, but it's really a case by case call.

Krikrineek · 2020-04-23T15:04:42+00:00

I’ve had 6 boyfriends or long-term dates with affective disorders (depression/bipolar, sometimes PTSD and ADHD as well), as well as several shorter relationships, and also been in therapy to learn how to handle being with someone like that, so if you or anyone else are wondering about dating mentally ill men in general, I hope I can help out by sharing some of what I’ve learnt from my experiences.

First, them being aware of their disorder AND how it affects their lives and other people in it is key. Living with mental illness means both treating the actual illness with proper psychiatric care and medication, as well as learning to live with it in your everyday life in ways that do not harm yourself, your future or others. This is what many mentally ill men don’t care to understand or make an actual effort with (kick these men out). Be ruthless in that they are actively working on this, and should have made good progress before even being considered. And remember that failures in being a basic level of decent person towards others are never due to others ”being ableist” or ”not understanding” or anything similar, if they try to tell you that. Kick those men out too.

Then, the most important thing is to have good communication, clear boundaries, and to NOT make any sort of exceptions. Keep your standards high. Would you date a guy who was unemployed or worked an unqualified job way below his talents because he didn’t have the ambition to aim higher? Or someone who’s never been in a serious relationship before because women reject him for being LVM? Or who cheats or never supports you emotionally because he doesn’t care about you enough? No? Then don’t accept mental illness as his reason either.

Be aware that many have either very bad self-awareness when it comes to their disorders, or will lie outright in order to get a chance with you (as LVM are wont to do), so don’t rely solely on their own opinion about themselves and their illness, look out for red flags. Also, sometimes people have different frames of reference when it comes to talking about severity of symptoms etc. One of the guys I dated claimed early on that his depression ”made him have to cancel stuff sometimes, but not very often”. ”Not very often” turned out to be like once or twice a week. That’s definitely often to any non-depressed person, but he compared it to when he was untreated, as he’d been for most of his adult life, and had to cancel like 5/6 times. So to him I guess it was not very often. Keep that in mind when communicating.

So tl;dr, Somebody on here once said ”male depression often results in female labour” and while that is true, I think that by keeping healthy boundaries and clear communication, and keeping your standards as high as ever, it can still be worth a try with the right HVM (assuming he is a HVM, of course) 😊

Oh, also, SSRIs can sort of take the edge off of every emotion, and some people do feel that it makes them emotionally cold and distant. However, someone in a healthy relationship actually not loving their partner anymore due to SSRIs alone seems a little too extreme. But I’m not a medicine expert though.

zolbutrin · 2020-04-23T06:29:55+00:00

Anyone who claims to be 100% mentally healthy in my experience is very much the opposite once you scratch the surface

2020-04-23T00:23:46+00:00

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2020-04-23T02:50:52+00:00

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radical__daphne · 2020-04-23T07:10:33+00:00

No bc it fucks up their dick. Also no one wants to date an Eeyore. For people actively having depression and they're dealing with mental health issues from that they shouldn't be looking to get into a relationship. That's not anyone else's job or responsibility to take care of or to handle. You need to bring your best into a relationship.

supremelyparanoid · 2020-04-23T02:57:10+00:00

Yes, I would so as long as they showed they were responsible with taking meds, seeing a doc or therapist etc. Wouldn’t date anyone taking anti-psychotics or meds for ADHD.

mightbethrowawayyy · 2020-04-23T05:36:12+00:00

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