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[–]lansburysodaFDS Newbie 129 points130 points131 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you’ve been on more than just a few dates and you feel confused and stressed all the time, he doesn’t like you.
[–]HhjjuuyFDS Apprentice 44 points45 points46 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you've been on less than a few dates and you feel confused and stressed all the time, who cares if he likes you? End it.
[–]Wild_ArtioFDS Newbie 86 points87 points88 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I do not fully agree with this.
It’s not so black and white, and because society puts more pressure on women to be “chosen” this perspective ends up with the unfortunate conclusion of the women not being “good enough” bc he doesn’t like her. Fuck that noise. If he’s inconsistent. You don’t want him. Period. You don’t like him. This “he doesn’t like you” bs frames it as though if you were someone different he’d be consistent. SO WRONG. And… beyond that, it encourages a pickmeisha mentality of competition and staying to be enough… instead of framing it from an empowering perspective of… if he’s inconsistent… he’s not likable.
It also fails to recognize attachment styles, personality disorders (which our society is breeding in the form of narcissism) or poor character.
For instance…A person can be avoidant attachment and therefore inconsistent bc they’re very uncomfortable with relational intimacy. It’s not that they don’t like you, it’s that they don’t value intimacy the same. And they won’t magically change for the perfect person (there is no perfect person)… they’ll settle down when they’re old and have no choice and their wife will not feel seen, heard or valued.
Narcissists, they just care way too much about their fragile ego to focus on anything outside of that. This will also come off as inconsistency.
Addictions can also create an avoidant attached partner who can’t put in effort for anything as much as their addiction (work, gaming, gambling, drugs, tv, alcohol, exercise, etc).
REGARDLESS of the reason WHY they’re inconsistent… the what is… inconsistency is unsafe and unstable and is a poor basis for a reciprocal relationship. Inconsistency is not likable. You’re lovable, THEY are not enough.
[–]blueboobs-FDS Newbie[S] 19 points20 points21 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I respect this take . The bluntness of the OP is really useful however for when girls let themselves imagine that they have a “boyfriend” who just needs some guidance encouragement, more of her labor, patience , generosity and time before he can come around and do the right thing. No he doesn’t. The mindset shift is away from the delusion that you have a partner and he’s just a little dumb or scared or wounded to do the right thing to -> No you don’t have a partner. .....he doesn’t like you. He sees you as an easily accessible thrill ....that’s it. Throw him away and block his access to you.
[–]Wild_ArtioFDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don’t like thinking “he doesn’t like you” personally. A lot of women with trauma end up in these kinds of relationships and it doesn’t help remove them from the situation to hear that, it makes them stay longer to prove their likable. This approach benefits men, so I don’t find it blunt. I find it to fail to put the accountability where it belongs, on the asshole leading someone on. Literally doesn’t matter if he likes you or not if he’s inconsistent and shady.
[–]blueboobs-FDS Newbie[S] 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
But I’ve been a woman with trauma chasing a man, “ thinking he doesn’t like you “ is what gets it in your head that there’s nothing you can do to prove your likability to this particular man. It’s no comment on my likability as a whole, but at some point you have to get it in your head what this person really feels. He doesn’t like you. Whether this compels a woman to try harder is irrelevant because guess what she’s still going to find out eventually after trying harder even if it takes a decade : he doesn’t like you.
[–]lucidlotusFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for this.
[–]warinmymind94FDS Apprentice 184 points185 points186 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
100%. If a man actually genuinely likes you he WILL be making effort and will be pursing you. He should be at least touching base with you every day NO matter how "busy" he is. He should be putting effort into the conversations, and be making time no matter how busy his schedule to see you. Period.
Don't chase him, don't be texting him paragraphs, don't fall for the slow fade BS, don't buy into the whole "communicate" that you need more from him trope, just stop wasting your own time and move on.
[–]shancakeschanFDS Newbie 101 points102 points103 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I went on a date with a guy two Fridays ago and I was so pleasantly surprised. We had so much in common and a lot of chemistry. The restaurant was the fanciest I've ever been to. He was clear with me that this month is busy for him because he has trips planned each weekend this month. He's an early career lawyer and often works late. But I haven't heard from him since Monday, but he posted on Instagram this morning. I was really interested in getting to know him but it's clear I need to take your advice. If he wanted to, he would. I'm just a little bummed out is all...
[–]warinmymind94FDS Apprentice 67 points68 points69 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sorry to hear that sis. It's his loss. If you see the drop in effort you already know what it means but good point with the social media. I always try to look them up especially to see if they are active /posting there when they aren't even making an effort to contact you. My situation was similar to yours like he had this great date with me and he would call me on the phone and text me and he did text me saying I want to call you this evening and then he never gave me a time frame, I couldn't sleep it was close to midnight and im driving to the gas station and he randomly texts I can call you now. Ugh I'm busy and I can't drop everything to call you. They're grown men. They can make time to call you or even text you like ill be free between 6 and 8, does that work for you to call? It takes 2 seconds. They can call on their drives home from work. They can call or text while they're in the line for a self checkout. They just don't care to, their lack of actions shows they don't think anything of us. I see myself out before they ghost.
[–]shancakeschanFDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks girl. You're so right. It's easy to just set a time frame and a text doesn't take much time to send. It is their loss. I know I'm great and I'm very happy where I'm at right now. I see the drop in effort and now I'm moving on with my life, boy byeee
[–]spicyspaFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're among sisters. We've been there.
[–]basicbagelsFDS Newbie 45 points46 points47 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If he wanted to, he would!
[–]KimpracticalFDS Disciple 34 points35 points36 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes that’s true, he doesn’t like you buuuut… he will never properly like anyone or ever treat a woman with any real respect. An HVM doesn’t lead on or use a woman he’s not interested in. He will be up front and honest with her about how she’s not the one for him and then leave her alone so she can move on and find someone else she’s more compatible with. So yes, the inconsistent scrote is not that into you, but it’s not your fault and you deserve better, no one will ever be good enough for him and the woman he does eventually marry will be miserable. Be glad it’s not you
[–]HoneyBouquetFDS Apprentice 88 points89 points90 points 4 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
I have a NVM ex who treated me like shit for 10 months. For ages I thought it was me who did something wrong. I would beat myself up for it. I would have to ask him for the bare minimum of asking how my day was or calling me He never got me any thoughtful gifts or remembered important stuff about me or what I liked.
2 years later, I hear he hasn't changed at all and still treats women horribly. He hasnt proposed to his girlfriend of a year and a half lmao.
Now looking back, he just didn't like me. Because if he did he would have made the effort to please me and make me happy and not fucking sad and paranoid all the time.
After my breakup, I met a HVM (sadly it didnt work out because we have different religions) who would work 18 hours a day and set alarms on his phone to call me. He remembered every little thing about me and encouraged me to continue with my writing and being independent from my south Asian family. Just me simply existing or talking to him would make him happy. He didnt care about talking about sex most of the time and complimented me on my intelligence (I mostly get complimented on looks only).
If he wanted to, he would have.
[–]candyfox84FDS Apprentice 63 points64 points65 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I went through like 4 of these relationships before I decided on a zero-effort strategy. Fast forward a couple years, I didn't lift a f-cking finger in my current relationship. It worked out perfectly and he's everything I ever dreamed of. Let him come to you and prove himself, ladies!
[–]HoneyBouquetFDS Apprentice 14 points15 points16 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Glad to hear it queen ❤❤❤❤
[–]modernmedusaaRuthless Strategist 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some of these men don’t even like THEMSELVES and project this on women
Who cares- bye scrote
[–]pozzalovahFDS Apprentice 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Honestly, these kind of posts kinda hurtled my feeling at first but after a while you get to the point where you know a guy liking you is not an accomplishment at all.
[–]blueboobs-FDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s only remotely amusing to me to be flirted with if the guy happens to be a dream guy sex god. Like someone I’d actually “wow” over purely for fuckability.
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[–]lansburysodaFDS Newbie 129 points130 points131 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HhjjuuyFDS Apprentice 44 points45 points46 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Wild_ArtioFDS Newbie 86 points87 points88 points
(6 children) | Copy Link
[–]blueboobs-FDS Newbie[S] 19 points20 points21 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Wild_ArtioFDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]blueboobs-FDS Newbie[S] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lucidlotusFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]warinmymind94FDS Apprentice 184 points185 points186 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]shancakeschanFDS Newbie 101 points102 points103 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]warinmymind94FDS Apprentice 67 points68 points69 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]shancakeschanFDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]spicyspaFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]basicbagelsFDS Newbie 45 points46 points47 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]KimpracticalFDS Disciple 34 points35 points36 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HoneyBouquetFDS Apprentice 88 points89 points90 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]candyfox84FDS Apprentice 63 points64 points65 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]HoneyBouquetFDS Apprentice 14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]modernmedusaaRuthless Strategist 18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pozzalovahFDS Apprentice 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]blueboobs-FDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link