The downvotes have begun.

FrequentPoetry · 2021-01-29T18:53:32+00:00

I might be naive but I don't think the BF is purposely making it about him. It's a tough situation. However, OP was the one assaulted, not her boyfriend, and while this might seem harsh to say, she shouldn't have to worry about his mental wellbeing on top of her own.

asoww · 2021-01-29T22:36:51+00:00

Trauma can happen to people who are close to victims. He sounds like he has poor mental health so it's good that he is getting therapy. Of course, his troubles are none of her responsibility, she has enough to deal with. Yeah.... he should handle himself or steps back until he gets better for her sake. That would be the HV thing to do.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-01-29T20:24:24+00:00

This feels icky to me not just because he's centering himself as the protagonist in her trauma, but it feels like he sees her as his possession to protect. He's using her to feel "like a man" and feels down on himself only because he failed in his "duty" to protect. I wonder what stories he's telling the therapist and how he's framing himself in relation to this event

musicallymirrored · 2021-01-29T19:01:40+00:00

He needs to find someone other than the assault victim to talk to about how hard it is to see someone you care about assaulted. He is making it about himself instead of providing appropriate support and seeking it for himself. Guys should be called out on this.

berrylikeova · 2021-01-29T19:09:50+00:00

[deleted]

superderpina_ · 2021-01-29T21:05:51+00:00

Honestly he sounds like a little snowflake who just realized the world is dangerous for women and can‘t handle it. Pathetic.

pinkcloudzzz · 2021-01-30T00:11:40+00:00

His anxiety about the situation is an additional burden to her. He’s not helping her here at all. Selfish.

CokeMooch · 2021-01-29T18:55:20+00:00

I mean, it is effing disgusting. This poor girl was literally ASSAULTED, okay and now not only has to process the emotional fallout from that and all the repercussions, but now she’s gotta stroke her BF’s ego and baby him ON TOP OF IT?! Gtfoh. Handle your own sht! Omg you can’t even be there for your GF rn like seriously, it HAS to be about you?!??

Wtf. Useless.

astrovixen · 2021-01-30T00:21:09+00:00

I don't think this will be received well here but I need to play devil's advocate, because it is far too easy to jump on the hate the man bandwagon, but she describes him as also having good qualities, which you all ignore for his reaction here.

Maybe because I'm trained in mental health, but my first thought wasn't that he was being selfish, or the other negative things said in these comments above, but that he feels like he's failed her, and taken it hard. Yes, he needs to take a breath and make sure he supports her better, but is his response also not of deep empathy? And if he has a history of being abused, this would impact deeper within him. For all we know, this could have been a catalyst for him and this was a momentary relapse. Why do so many women on this sub hate just as intently as the men we know out there are lvm? I will be downvoted for this, but you do.

We cannot be pulled down to becoming the female version of incels, even if we have had to deal with truly shitty men. I have been hurt endlessly by men, but I also have good men in my life, don't you also? I hope you do. Jumping to conclusions is easy to do, I've done it too, but in this regard, it felt important not to jump into that reaction. If I had a truly good man be affected by my assault, and he crashed hard, I would urge him to get support, and I would do the same for me. His human reaction in this regard would not be a reason to steamroll him.

Having said all of this, the guy could actually be an absolute shit partner, and she could possibly do better without him. And nothing I've said here detracts from the fact that this woman was just another statistic in the horrific line of females who have been hurt by a man, so I am absolutely not defending those who are predators, for there is no excuse. Actually, in an opposite tone to this post, there's a part of me that thinks that proven rapists should be fully castrated, so I know what justified anger feels like.

The point is none of us know the full truth, so try not to jump straight into hate. It's exhausting. I think I just need to remind myself that good men exist (because they do), and not all of them want to hurt us.

This might be projection rn.

Also, fuck abusers to hell.

havingababypenguin · 2021-01-30T01:25:02+00:00

You're not wrong though

pozzalovah · 2021-01-29T21:13:54+00:00

I agree with you tho...

Title	The downvotes have begun.
Author	berrylikeova
Upvotes	162
Comments	26
Date	January 29, 2021 6:35 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/l8083i/the_downvotes_have_begun/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-downvotes-have-begun.738712 https://theredarchive.com/post/738712

Comments