The meaning of "boundaries"

arnezuara · 2021-08-20T14:09:49+00:00

This is a good reminder. Unfortunately, many women were never taught how to properly exert their boundaries, which are so important, considering how dangerous men can be out there.

Good post, OP.

Once again: the moment he pushes, ignores, dismisses, or neggs you about a boundary you have set, you LEAVE his ass immediately.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-08-20T14:44:06+00:00

Also your boundaries are YOURS. They can be as silly as you want. You’re not obligated to present a case to the peanut gallery so they approve of whether your boundaries are correct or not. People are free to respect the boundaries or walk away but trying to browbeat someone into weakening them or trying to gaslight you that they’re wrong or too much? Run!

curiousgoblin22 · 2021-08-20T14:34:02+00:00

"Emotional lasso" is a such a great way to describe fuzzy / flexible boundaries.

Sigh I definitely have been guilty of emotional lasso-ing and hoping my big speech / well-crafted text will magically get the other person to change. It rarely works and usually, if I am emotional lasso-ing, I kinda already know I'm probably too invested in a person that isn't worth that effort. At that point, it's typically the beginning of the end.

electricchairclaire · 2021-08-20T15:55:51+00:00

My therapist’s great comment: people with high value and self-respect are aware of their boundaries, and they communicate them well. When people have no boundaries and no healthy way to communicate their needs, it shows in the way they treat you and respond to your boundaries.

candyfox84 · 2021-08-20T19:45:18+00:00

Your boundaries are like a value system. You need to analyze, define, and establish for life…find what works for you. I was never really taught boundaries and had to establish them around my self-respect “quota” if you will. I experimented a lot, used different words, learned to be assertive, immediate, direct, and strangely unemotional about them. They exist, that’s all. If someone can’t follow them, they can’t be around me.

thirdtoebean · 2021-08-21T09:18:50+00:00

Well said. There's so much more to boundaries than figuring out what they are. If you've been raised with none, it's a surprisingly steep learning curve. The temptation is to just think, I've got this great new tool, everything will be all right now. Any reasonable, normal person would respect it. Then the boundary-establisher is surprised when those around them just carry on as before.

The 'communicating' and 'enforcing' side of boundaries isn't taught well enough, IMO, and if you're having to read up on boundaries, chances are you are not dealing with reasonable or normal people in your life.

The meaning of "boundaries"

Boundaries are not emotional lassos by which I try to get others to do what I want them to do.

Comments

Title	The meaning of "boundaries"
Author	curiousandbashful
Upvotes	246
Comments	16
Date	August 20, 2021 1:54 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p85o01/the_meaning_of_boundaries/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-meaning-of-boundaries.1059244 https://theredarchive.com/post/1059244