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[–]RavenAvaFDS Newbie203 points204 points205 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Oh man, does this hit home! I haven’t dated in years, but the last two relationships I was in, I felt like the men were looking for someone to fill the position of wife and it didn’t matter too much who they were.
I was kind and agreeable and I think that’s all they saw. They didn’t get to know me as a person or show any real interest in getting to know me on a deeper level, but they wanted a wife.
(This was all pre-FDS, btw.)
[–]_bethiebabes86 points87 points88 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know exactly what you mean. It took me a long time to realize and accept that my ex never had any interest in having or being a partner, he only wanted a mommy-wife to give him babies
[–]to_learn_to_flyFDS Newbie51 points52 points53 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, this was also my experience. Raised by abusive parents, I grew up to be this codependent people pleaser. So there were men in my past who gladly picked me as their future wife. And I couldn't quite put my finger on what was wrong and why I felt so lonely in these relationships. Now I find it terrifying how calculating men can be. They don't even see relationships as a space where two people are authentic with each other, get to know their authentic selves and bond this way. A woman is a prop to look good by their side as a wife and who cares about her personality.
[–]gcsubthrowFDS Apprentice10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This was my OLD experience with the men who had their kids in every picture. I never matched with them, but you could tell from their profiles they were only looking for another mommy bangmaid chef. John, you only see your kids on the weekend for these photos.
[–]Cat_With_The_FurFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep. Auto swipe left on my kids are my world. I get that parenting takes time and want to be with someone who’s a good dad, but this seems so preemptive. I’m not looking for someone who’s already giving me an excuse not to spend time with me.
[–]Cat_With_The_FurFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh absolutely this. I married a person like this. One day I realized that he chose to marry me much like he’d choose a luxury car. It makes other people think you’re cool when they see you driving it around and has some cool features but is otherwise totally generic and interchangeable. I guess he had buyer’s remorse after a few years in tho.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]wolfie379FDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How many pounds does a typical unemployed couch-occupying LVM dress out at?
[–]bluegemwalruscampFDS Newbie[S] 38 points39 points40 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh! These boys have absolutely no shame.
[–]funky_wormsFDS Newbie107 points108 points109 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is one of the most important lessons i've gleaned from this sub. When someone loves you, they'll show it. They'll be there for you as much as you are for them. None of this maid or housewife bullshit when you're both grown adults who work
[–][deleted] 54 points55 points56 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is sadly so true. And then they’ll protest that actually they do love their wife......no you love what she does for you and how she enables you to live your life unchanged.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I didn’t get anything in return except a request that I have an Amazon wishlist because he couldn’t be bothered to notice the things that I like.
Girlll, I have had friends (not even super close friends, just university circle who worked well together) message me out of the blue saying they saw this thing and that thing when they are out and about, and those things made them think of me. So they message me just to chat.
If even a not-so-close friends can notice things like that, what is the use of a BF if he can't have them all memorized and prepared?
Yes!! I brought this same thing up to my ex in counseling and his response was, being married is different than being friends. I wish I could feel sorry for someone who doesn’t understand real friendship, but I can’t yet. Bye instead.
[–]PrinnykinFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I was just thinking the same thing!
My ex said he doesn’t want to marry me even though he loves me, because I’m not attractive enough. He said he wants to marry a hot Spanish or Brazilian.
They marry for looks, it’s not love.
[–]stankleykongFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow that's so fucked up.
[–]gcsubthrowFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Is this the same guy who made the scissors on the grass tik tok? Men never pull their weight. Glad this one is calling it out.
[–]ayhtdws1989FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
fuckin pathetic
[–]SaulHun9160 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Even though love is the ideal, I notice it factors very little into marriages in the cultures where it’s espoused. Either that or these guys have a messed up idea of what love is.
[–]nihilistic_outlookThrowaway Account0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They will be a spouse to a woman who cooks and cleans for them for twenty years and STILL be hung up on the girl that rejected him in his early twenties
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] 5 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Everyone here knows that HVM exist. That’s literally the purpose of FDS. You don’t need to remind any of us about that. The exceptions prove the rule.
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It’s alright, I’m not offended— I just wanted to explain what happened. There’s already a million places on the internet where men and women defend men against even the whiff of a criticism, so it’s not necessary here. It goes without saying that “not all men ___” , otherwise we’re all mad for continuing to try dating them... which we might be
[–]gabbywith_awhyFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Tbh i I know I just made that comment and all but I never defend men. They have shown me countless times they aren’t worth it all the guys I have encountered are only focused on themselves their egos. So I do the exact same, I just keep it cordial with them then get back to focusing on myself
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And that’s perfectly fine if that’s what you need to do to get by in your daily life, but there’s no need to bend over backwards to please men here, this is a community of women, for women :)
[–]sympathyshotFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not All Men Are Like That
That’s why I said a small group of decent men exist. At the same time there is a LARGEEE group of them that will not even do half of the things my dad had done to me growing up.
We know. It's obvious.
However, when you say NAMALT, you are drawing attention away from the problem that OP has highlighted and rhetorically negating her concern.
Sort of like, if you had lung cancer and tell your doctor "I have breast cancer!" but then your doctor was like "Yeah, but not all of your organs have cancer! So just be patient and focus on those parts"
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[–]RavenAvaFDS Newbie203 points204 points205 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]_bethiebabes86 points87 points88 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]to_learn_to_flyFDS Newbie51 points52 points53 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]gcsubthrowFDS Apprentice10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Cat_With_The_FurFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Cat_With_The_FurFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]wolfie379FDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bluegemwalruscampFDS Newbie[S] 38 points39 points40 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]funky_wormsFDS Newbie107 points108 points109 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 54 points55 points56 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Cat_With_The_FurFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PrinnykinFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]stankleykongFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]gcsubthrowFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ayhtdws1989FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SaulHun9160 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nihilistic_outlookThrowaway Account0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (8 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[+][deleted] (7 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[+][deleted] (6 children) | Copy Link
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[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]gabbywith_awhyFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sympathyshotFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link