Thinking about dropping my pickmeisha friend

surviveIIthrive · 2020-02-23T12:48:26+00:00

Is she a good friend otherwise? And are you able to spend time with her if he’s there and have a pleasant time? If he’s not making you uncomfortable directly and she’s a good friend, then I think this is a question of having strong emotional boundaries for yourself. Who she dates is her choice. Don’t take dating advice from her and don’t get wrapped up in her choices. Make a rule for yourself that you will not sit there and be a support system for her bad relationship if she’s trying to use you in that way. And then just enjoy the friendship.

Good friends are hard to come by.

Parsnippety · 2020-02-23T12:51:01+00:00

I have good friends who are horrible Pickmeishas but that doesn't stop them from being platonically great friends. As long as they aren't dragging you down by asking you to repeatedly bail them out of situations they created for themselves, I see no need to drop them unless you're just tired of them and aren't getting value from the relationship otherwise and it's truly too emotionally painful to remain friends.

pinkyberries · 2020-02-23T14:18:10+00:00

You should tell her "How people treat you is more important than how much you love them" but i would not suggest dropping her.

Don't give her any relationship advice until they are broken up or had a bad fight and don't say anything about him, he is not your problem. Don't ask her for advices, don't tell her your successful dating stories ("someone paid for a date" and "my boyfriend got me flowers").

I have the same friend, she is amazing, funny and smart and her boyfriend is 8 years older than her, a high-school dropout that lies and tells her what to wear, requests her money on an app similar to $cashapp and she actually gives it to him and hes very overprotective yet still friends with all the girls he slept with (we're talking 20-30 women).

I used to try and get her out of there but she wouldn't listen so i let go of her relationship and started focusing on my own, it's good as long as i don't ask her for any advices and she doesn't ask me for any.

Radiant_Success · 2020-02-23T12:45:08+00:00

My best friend is my best friend, despite horrible romantic relationship choices. Many women make horrible relationship choices, its why this forum is popular. We live and hopefully we learn and grow. And hopefully we have friends who can stomach us as we navigate life.

mouthyhousewife · 2020-02-23T16:11:09+00:00

I was actually just thinking about this kind of thing this morning. I virtually have NO friends. I have some people from derby that I like and get along with. But I have no girl friend to call up and go out with or just to talk shit or gush about stuff to. I have essentially distanced myself from all of my female friends over the last few years.

First it was my married friends when I got divorced. They seemed to think that I was only going to be ok if I found another husband relatively quickly. Our differences in that outlook kind of exiled me from that group.

Then I made some single female friends and that was fine for a while. But one by one they started coupling up. Which, generally, isn’t a big deal. But when they got boyfriends they spent all of their time and effort on them and I became more of an after thought.

Recently I cut off contact with one of my best friends because all she ever did was complain about her relationship. I honestly just cannot respect a woman who stays with a man who disregards her and disrespects her as much as this guy does. Especially when she knows better but the alternative of being alone is far worse for her than being in a shitty relationship. I spare no ones feelings when it comes to the cold hard truth and people who can’t look at themselves objectively don’t make very good friends.

I had some pretty devastating life stuff happen over the last several months and when I attempted to confide in her she would turn the conversation back to her crappy decision making and unhappy relationship. That was the final deal breaker for me. Ultimately, I guess I’d rather be alone forever than put my energy into a useless connection.

7_0f_9 · 2020-02-23T18:48:17+00:00

I would say just don't entertain her shit. If she brings up her relationship woes, change the subject or grey rock.

honestgoing · 2020-02-24T22:43:42+00:00

Honestly I haven't dropped friends that give bad advice. I just don't listen to their advice or ask for it.

PrettyAlien · 2020-03-03T19:43:11+00:00

I honestly don't see the point of being friends with someone like that. Such a waste of your time and energy. Just stop contacting her by creating distance, and if one day she eventually stops being doormat dump his lazy ass, you can try being friends again.

I don't see the point of having standards for romantic relationships but not for friends.

CinderellaInADress · 2020-02-23T12:54:17+00:00

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