I ran into this recently when on a date with a man I had been seeing regularly. I used one of the tactics detailed in the handbook of asking a man 'What type of porn do you watch?' instead of the 'Do you watch Porn' - this is a conversation that followed and a sobering encounter as to why you should never lower your guard.

John (a fitting alias), is someone who I would describe as a man that is very aware there is a problem but makes far too many excuses to be seen as a true ally. He watches Porn regularly- he claims its not a problem nor addictive but he admits that he would be distressed if he suddenly did not have access. He funny enough, recognizes that we need more sexual education for our children, but scoffs at the idea of making more barriers to prevent young boys from accessing hardcore porn. (He openly admits that teenager find porn addictive - but in his mind this is to be tamed but not stopped later in life)

'Teenagers will find it' he said flatly after I suggested we make it harder to access Porn when a teenager-when pressed he continued 'censorship has never worked as intended' as if this explained it away perfectly. I allowed the conversation to continue without counter arguments, afraid it would scare him and what he really thought off.

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He circled back to how no matter what barrier we put in place, teenagers will find a way around it. Instead he offered a more intense sex education program. We teach children the technical terms and the all important 'consent'…

All of this would be nice in a perfect world, but with the Newtons Cradle of rapidly increasing hardcore porn genre, and pressure for young girls to prepare to 'take back their sexuality and try a little bit of everything'… this concerns me as it should you.

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What my male colleague turns a blind eye too is the idea of consent doesn't work if you are conditioned from childhood to think that violent, degrading, extreme porn is NORMAL.

If we disagree on what is Normal than we immediately have a problem with the standard of our golden rule.

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Curious on this point I asked 'With porn, what do we teach is normal, and where do we draw the line … if at all?'

He avoided the question, stating it was best not to be too explicit… He again highlighted the new term that catches all abuse and makes it 'okay' CONSENT.

The scary part of all of this is that this man actively claims to be a feminist, sensitive, and aware of the problems faced today by women. Keep in mind he would have NEVER shared his true thoughts with me if I hadn't smiled through the conversation and kept my opinions to myself... a very invaluable skill I have developed when dating (and encountering) men.

Best of luck out there ladies