What’s some red flags when dealing with soft spoken, more feminine men

Whateverbabe2 · 2020-03-27T02:03:28+00:00

Just like any other person, listen to what they say.

They're still men, just quieter. I prefer slightly feminine men as I find them extremely attractive, and compatible since I have a masculine personality, but the levels of misogyny tend to be the same across the board when they start talking to you about their belief system.

If they are not your type try to figure out if they align with what you're looking for in a relationship. I found found that a lot of common characteristics of these men is that they are sensitive, enjoy deep or intimate discussions, are affectionate, and are never physically intimidating.

But the bad ones can be emotional vampires or scarily manipulative. They can be quick to jump ship if the relationship becomes unpleasant in any way for them. Going "the distance" is particularly hard for them. They get attached very quickly and the relationship usually becomes serious immediately so when you guys fight your relationship may not have the history to overcome it. They often ghost you and try to come back and rekindle it not long after as a way of "skipping over" big fights.

There's a good and bad to every type. Even the HVM I have met of the "feminine guys" are still human and will possess a few toned down versions of the stereotypical bad qualities for their type. LVM will have all or almost all of the common bad qualities and you'd be lucky if any of them were toned down.

A good example would be my late fiance. He was a HVM that was sensitive. His love language was time and affection. We cuddled whenever we were together and we even held hands while walking through the house together. We talked constantly about books, poetry, philosophy, and our pasts. He was a homebody that didn't like to go out but took me on dates very often because he knew I liked to go out. He always paid. Before he met me he was content to spend the summer hanging out with his friends. The day after he met me he went out and got a job.

I never had to ask him to take me on dates or get a job. He just did it. A HVM will never make you ask him to do things he should already be doing. This is true across the board, regardless of personality.

aclumsygirl · 2020-03-27T00:54:33+00:00

You can't force yourself to be attracted to someone. Are you really attracted to feminine men? Most straight women aren't.

"I’ve been feeling that the type that I go for might be great in the looks department but less of a match otherwise."

Masculine/athletic men aren't inherently bad partners. If you're finding yourself consistently attracted to LVM... it's definitely not a looks thing.

teeteereads · 2020-03-27T04:19:22+00:00

I call them “honey voices” because they are still men but they lure you in with a much sweeter approach while speaking in a higher octave. Still capable of being a big ol asshole though, and from my experience with the awful ones they’re usually more stealthy with manipulation.

-They talk about equality, A LOT. Of course politics comes up but it mostly surrounding the wallet. Extra points if they break down paying equally within the first two dates.

-They are hyper aware of a woman’s woes. Mention it whenever they can and lowkey mansplain.

-A lot of times, they are a “creative” or aspire to be one. Extra points if he thinks it’s cute to narrate about the future where he is ‘successful’ and then adds you in it >_> like on the first date...

-Tend to look for partners who are polar opposites. Extra points for claiming to want an ‘independent woman’. They love being under qualified and extending out of their league.

-There’s a major laziness about them that is sort of hard to pinpoint at first.

-Love bombing/difficult past diarrhea of the mouth. If you start to feel like a free therapist, it’s because you are one now.

-Close to their mother but also hint the different ways they resent her without saything they hate her explicitly. Extra points if they want to introduce you to her or show a photo of her very early on.

As you can tell I’ve entertained some interesting dudes, but those were common denominators I’ve found in these honey voiced boys LOL

ny-lady · 2020-03-27T01:13:12+00:00

Feminine men tend to be needy and it will trigger my avoidant side rather quick.

blucowz · 2020-03-27T02:46:35+00:00

My experience with them has been that they are a lot more passive in the relationship and don't take the lead as much. They have no problem with letting you lead things and probably like it better that way honestly so they can just take the back seat. It didn't work for me since I have to be the feminine one and I prefer the guy leading. If you have a more masculine personality it could probably work.

IloveKoreanfoodyaaas · 2020-03-27T19:04:35+00:00

The same ones with men that aren’t like that. Douchebags come in all shapes, sizes and with all different kinds of personalities. Just because a guy seems shy or quiet, I’ve learned, doesn’t mean he’s not capabale of being toxic, abusive, narcissistic etc.

grimreapersdtr · 2020-03-27T18:08:29+00:00

Is this a cultural thing? In some parts of the US, for example, a man being clean shaven, groomed and well spoken will cause him to be misidentified as "feminine".

SeaNegotiation8 · 2020-03-27T09:43:40+00:00

There is always a chance that a more feminine man is simply playing what is known as “Mr. Sensitive.”

Mr. Sensitive is an archetype that has been described extremely well in Lundy Bancroft’s book “Why Does He Do That?”

Here’s an excerpt: https://m.facebook.com/notes/rebecca-nan-cummings/abuser-profiles-from-why-does-he-do-that-by-lundy-bancroft/480862655302912/

Also: https://www.muchnessmama.com/profile-of-an-abuser-mr-sensitive/

And now for the obligatory disclaimer (since women can’t name a problem without butt-hurt men getting defensive): Not all sensitive men are abusers, duh. But many hold views that are just as toxic as masculine men, while simultaneously wanting to be congratulated for not being stereotypically macho.

It’s just something to consider. I have loads of experience with feminine men. The red flags are there when you know what to look for.

Yianna_F · 2020-03-27T01:07:56+00:00

A huge topic! 🤯🤯🤯 Where do I start???

Sometimes men with more feminine characteristics can be closeted homosexuals or bisexuals that are looking for a relationship for safety reasons or because it will allow them to explore their sexuality on the side or because they want to have kids and that's the only way to have them.

Others can adopt the soft, quiet persona to lure women in, thinking it's a great way to attract friends with the possibility of turning them into partners later on because they know women value friendships and getting go know men before getting into a relationship with them.

Others adopt the persona only to reveal later they were not soft at all, they were narcissists and/or abusers in disguise but no one will believe you cause "he's such a nice guy ya know". Switch and bait with a softie front if you like.

Others are passive in personality, weak willed, needy, clingy, avoid life and adulting in general and are looking for a mummy to adopt them and be their life long caretaker and therapist. The leeches in other words; they just need a woman, any woman in their lives to live for them.

Others are mummy's boys, quietly following her lead and dancing in her rhythm, too weak and lacking assertiveness and personality to live their own lives. Their mum and family of origin will always take precedence to you and your family of creation that you have or will build together.

Hobosexuals can be found in all the above subtypes of more feminine men.

LVM can be found in both types however, whether men with more masculine or more feminine traits. It has nothing to do with appearance and all to do with personality. I'm just giving examples of personas here and how men can cultivate that image for personal gain or use it to hide other intentions.

Masculinity and femininity are constructs of course, and I can't be sure what you mean by your question. So I answered based on things like a soft, quiet character that is not typically considered "masculine" by others in society.

Radiant_Success · 2020-03-27T01:08:14+00:00

Are you a feminine woman? Or are you a masculine woman?

Also, what is your personal definition of a feminine man?

carrot7cake · 2020-03-27T04:47:52+00:00

That he's a soft spoken feminine man 😆

Title	What’s some red flags when dealing with soft spoken, more feminine men
Author	hellau1234
Upvotes	50
Comments	23
Date	March 27, 2020 12:45 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fpne1e/whats_some_red_flags_when_dealing_with_soft/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/whats-some-red-flags-when-dealing-with-soft-spoken.679520 https://theredarchive.com/post/679520

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