Went on a date with and had 2 phone calls with a man in his early 40s. He really came across as a good listener and thoughtful on the phone. But on the date a few things felt off. He has a job as a “social media analyst “ at 43. I looked it up and salaries for this are really low (55,000). How are you in that role at 40-something as a man and you want a family soon?

He supposedly graduated from college over 20 years ago. What has he been doing all this time? Today I Looked him up and can find no social media except a private Instagram account with 20 followers. The photo looks like either a different person or him 10-15 years ago. I can find no LinkedIn profile! Either that or he has his LinkedIn on extreme private, which is super suss I’m sorry.

On our first phone call I asked him about his job, and he talked up about how much responsibility it is, but oh he’s not planning to be in it for ever and he has other things he is working on. Doesn’t volunteer any info on these things, and certainly hasn’t told me anything that would explain his career trajectory. Then only after my asking a question about dating, he volunteers he was married before for 9 years. Kept talking really fast and I had to ask him when he got divorced and first he seemed to be saying 9 years ago but when I asked again, “it was 2 years ago”. Barely said anything substantive about it beyond that it was his family that pressured him to marry (at 33? 🧐). Claims no children.

I decided to see if I could run an online background check. It’s surprisingly difficult to find reputable websites that actually deliver. So far all I’ve found is suggestions that a man of the same somewhat unique name who went to college in the same particular city as he did is probably 49 years old. 😳 And even though this info might not be correct, I can actually see it. The belly he was sporting, the seriously old school “man about town” approach he had where he wanted me to know he knows so many people and has so many responsibilities.

I don’t know what this man’s deal is - whether he was in jail for 15 years and that explains the job he has, whether he’s telling the truth but is just incredibly obtuse about what it means to date women in their mid 30s and up. Either way, I know he is messy and it really is all I need to block.

Update: He is now blocked. He sent me a msg yesterday just after I posted this saying “I haven’t heard back. Everything good?” He hadn’t heard back to a text he sent at 1am the night before in which he shared a YouTube video praising women from my country and his text was “is this true? lol”

Funny enough, now that I have some distance I can see some of other signs eg. 1) He asked me if I knew who Eddie Murphy is, and I was like duh, yes. 🤣 2) he was really into Reggae.