Why do you desire marriage?

prettylittledragon · 2020-05-17T17:15:17+00:00

I don't want to get married either...I think a relationship costs me more than I get out of it so I'd rather stay single

mightbethrowawayyy · 2020-05-17T17:16:38+00:00

I think if you are already in a long term relationship, then marriage is better than perma-girlfriend status. But I’ve never desired a long term relationship and I still don’t. If I happen to meet a HVM, that would be nice. If I will never meet someone who will make my life better than the one I’m having now, I’m happy with being single too.

I think most people here are content with being single and don’t desire a mediocre marriage over singledom.

blk_grl_lvl_up · 2020-05-17T18:07:51+00:00

I desire a stable nuclear family unit. I see the massive emotional benefits I and my family had by having 2 parents who were dedicated to improving, providing and protecting the whole. I want children, I want a partner who I can be my self around and share everything with. At 23 I find dating tiring, I miss bing in a relationship where there we can just build each other up and don’t have to hide our true selves. People can claim “iTs JuSt a PiECe oF PApeR” and you can have the same stability without the legality but in my experience men who are in non legal marriages are not as dedicated to the family unit. The man and woman are high key on again off again and keeping the family together isn’t treated with the same level or priority. In my experience, couples who don’t marry aren’t as serious (obviously there are married couples who don’t take things seriously and get divorced in 2 months). Usually when two people of sound mind and common beliefs get married it means they are more dedicated to each other and building something priceless together.

neopets_billionaire · 2020-05-17T17:39:01+00:00

I never have and people have told me all my life that this will change and it hasn’t yet so

Nearby-Armadillo · 2020-05-17T16:51:05+00:00

[deleted]

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-05-17T18:49:55+00:00

I’d have to have a really, really good reason.

I don’t want to live with another person, let alone a man I have sex with, unless I had basically my own apartment within a house. I don’t want to tiptoe around someone else to not wake them up, or clean up after them, or be with them 24/7 during a quarantine, or listen to them coughing all night if they’re sick, or be confined to one room if I want some space that they could just walk into anyway, or not be able to use the bathroom when I needed, or listen to them snore, or not be able to stretch out in bed, or not be able to decompress when I get home cause they want to talk or are sitting there playing video games or something.

Knowing the person I live with and that has regular access to me could easily r*** me or otherwise hurt me physically if he just one day decided to is not someone I could ever truly relax around.

If they were in some high risk job and/or I’d suffer financially if they died, then yes, let’s get married so I have protection and I can make the decisions they would want after they die. But if we divorced, I know I’d likely be the one to be screwed than them.

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-05-17T18:55:49+00:00

Kids.

academinx · 2020-05-17T18:10:51+00:00

From the other side of things, as someone still trying to figure out what I want:

I’m not sure if I want to get married, but I’m also self aware enough to understand that most of my motivation not to is fear based. I’m afraid of getting hurt. I don’t want to get married because that would mean I’ve publicly declared my love for this person and in the event it didn’t work out people would know that and pity me. I know that these are things that I need to work out in therapy but I’m not in a place right now to attend.

I do genuinely want to find love and I have so much love to give, but I also I have high standards, and I don’t want to settle (much to my moms chagrin). I know that I’m a great person but I also know that I’m a work in progress, so how could I expect a HVM right now when I’m still an HVW in the making?

For me marriage as an official union is something I’m not sure if I want because legally tying yourself to someone is actually a big deal and not something to just do. I also can’t ignore the history of marriage and how women used to be property.

I certainly don’t want a joint bank account, and I wouldn’t be taking his last name either.

Also, a big reason I’ve heard for getting married as opposed to “just dating”, is that it makes it harder to “throw away” the relationship, and implies that you will do the work necessary to keep the relationship going. But I don’t like how that devalues the hard work that people put into their dating relationships and yet never marry. My parents have been together for 26 years and people want to celebrate that. What they don’t see is that my parents should’ve divorced after 5 years. I might’ve grown up seeing two healthy relationships instead of one (still) miserable one. One of my cousins has been with her partner for 15 years and they still haven’t gotten married. They own a hobby farm and are in love and committed to one another but don’t feel obligated to get married. I definitely have my own bias when it comes to marriage but I have seen a lot of healthy marriages too, just not sold on it being for me!

I love this sub and I’m thankful for all of you lovely ladies working hard on your goals and holding onto your standards!

Happy-Muffin · 2020-05-17T19:39:48+00:00

I dont desire marriage at all, haha!

I love being single. I love my calm life and having a home with my girlfriends (no homo haha). I love my hobbies and little unfinished projects (so many! uwu), i love nap time whenever, i love my whole bed, i love going to hang out with my friends and then going home to be alone. I love my space, my anime, my Lovecraft books, and my video games all to myself. I love oinking on food without someone judging and working out without someone seeing my fat flopping about (for their sake).

And i love the fact that i can get married if i fall in love or growing up to be an old maid who lived a peaceful, fun, well traveled life with her friends and family.

TheLastBuildABear · 2020-05-17T20:00:00+00:00

It’s about emotional security and the beginning of the family. As cheesy as it sounds I want the white picket fence, the family routine, and the growing old together. While it’s not strictly necessary, it would enrich my life. I didn’t grow up with married parents, and even though we are happy there is a painfully noticeable gap. I want to fall asleep with someone, be able to trust someone, laugh with someone, and cry with someone that isn’t a friend that can easily leave my life. It’s about intimacy and the reasonable assumption (provided you married a high value person) that the marriage won’t be broken easily Also, please upvote people who want marriage in this thread, because the others aren’t really answering the prompt

yngdmbfullofcrmbs · 2020-05-17T18:06:35+00:00

I don’t desire marriage. Yes you would get “repayment” for the emotional effort that you put into the relationship if you break up but I think that’s not worth it. I also don’t want to be in a contract with someone like a vending machine. I can be committed to someone and them to me without having a contract.

I support and take care of myself. I have a good job, house, and car. I also inherited things that are sentimental and valuable from the sudden passing of my dad. I cannot imagine splitting these things with some man I marry that didn’t help me earn them nor is entitled to them.

sisima_sharazd · 2020-05-17T21:28:05+00:00

I'll tell you from the perspective of a single mom When you enter a relationship with a man even if you used the most efficient way of birth control it's still there is a possibility that you may have a child (I know you are going to tell me abortion but it's not an easy choice and it's not available to everyone ) . We as women need the man that impregnated us to share the responsibility, because a child need both parents not only a man or a woman, so the whole idea of marriage it's just to protect women and make sure the kids grow up in a healthy and stable environment, and laws that men claims to be unfair in marriage court is not about the woman that they married to but its to make sure that men don't impregnate us and leave as it used to be. The perfect example of this is the black community where 70% of women are single mothers because our black sisters are treated like shit and this has created many issues like poverty and crimes....

So if you don't want to get married that's cool but keep in mind that you should date a HVM that will stick with you or even marry you at that point were you are going to be pregnant out of wedlock

TradcatAlice · 2020-05-17T19:52:46+00:00

I want to get married because I want a man to provide for me financially while I raise and homeschool my children.

My future husband would have to be able to pay for my already lavish lifestyle which is why I always vet finances in whatever guy I date.

Title	Why do you desire marriage?
Author	nipponnominami
Upvotes	32
Comments	27
Date	May 17, 2020 4:39 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/glij14/why_do_you_desire_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-do-you-desire-marriage.675900 https://theredarchive.com/post/675900

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