If you haven't read the book Why Does He Do That, by Lundy Bancroft you should. It's essential reading for all women. But this post isn't about that book. It's about something much more fundamental.

I'm sure as a young woman, prior to finding FDS, you spent endless hours analyzing men and their behaviors. You also spent a lot of time trying to figure out what was wrong with you and why you kept "attracting" these men. Me too.

Hopefully, you've now been disabused of the notion that men being abusive and controlling had anything to do with you or whether or not you were a pickme. We know they do it to all types of women regardless of upbringing or any other factor.

But why? Answer: Because they can.

Our society has normalized and rewarded sociopathic behavior in men from time immemorial. It has always been this way. Women were, and still are in many places, viewed as men's property. Governments, laws, religions and social norms are all designed to uphold this idea of women being less than, and the ability to bear children as a weakness, not a strength. Stop for a minute and think about how screwed up that is.

Some women in the west have managed to obtain a greater degree of equality under the law if not always in practice. This seems to have spurred an enormous backlash against women's rights.

What does this have to do with FDS? Answer: Everything

The majority of the posts here are about men we were involved with doing absolutely vile things to women. Almost all of us have experienced horrific behavior at the hands of men, often repeatedly. They do it because they can and they like it. It makes them feel powerful and important, it is their birthright.

FDS offers tips and tactics to get by in this environment as a heterosexual woman. It is extremely helpful. But the issues run much, much deeper and are ingrained in the very fabric of our society and even our own psyches and I think it is of the utmost importance that we remember that at all times.

I'm older and have been an advocate for women's rights, especially reproductive rights, for over 40 years, since I was a teenager. Those of you in the US know those rights are gone now in many states. I'm seeing younger women fearful of advocating for our rights for fear of being banned and/or canceled. I have recently come to the realization that there is no longer any space on the internet that will openly advocate for radical feminist analysis of issues, including porn. All of the spaces I participated in now shut down, delete or ban any discussion or debate along those lines. Sometimes they use a soft approach by spreading misinformation about what that analysis entails, other times it's more direct. Sadly, this is where we are.

Remember, when you are going through relationship and dating issues with men to not get bogged down in the minutia. They behave this way because they can and society sanctions it. Stay focused, stay clear and stay safe.