"Are you having an affair?" - best answer

o_c_d · 2015-04-24T22:56:24+00:00

"How about WE have an affair... my wife hasn't been putting out, and I'm looking for release..."

Worked for me. Hold your frame. Lift. Have higher SMV. Good luck.

jacktenofhearts · 2015-04-25T00:00:44+00:00

Best case scenario she has a "click" moment and opens her legs willingly three times a week.

All the witty replies in the other comments are good. But for a more long-term impact (ie. that "click" moment), you may want to try some some combination of Fogging (from WISNIFG) and a general "Socratic Method" approach.

"Why do you think I'm having an affair?"
"So you think I'm having an affair because... I'm going to the gym?"
"What do you think I'd be getting out of an affair that I'm not getting with you?"

You've reached a solid level of Dread and her accusations of an affair are all some form of Comfort Test. She's hamstering because she's getting progressively more insecure about your increasing SMV. She knows she's not meeting her wifely duties, and accusing you of an affair is easier than "stepping up her game." Try and steer the conversations in a way that essentially communicates: if you stepped up your game, I bet you wouldn't feel this way.

Alternately, if you go the "witty remark" route, follow up with a strong embrace and some caveman sex. Since you say "the sex is crap," direct her to do things to make it not crap. You want a blowjob? Tell her to give you a blowjob. Then you can say something like, "that was great, nobody can suck me off like you do." Implication being you like her blowjobs so much that as long as you're getting them regularly, she'd have no real reason to think you're seeking them from someone else.

Blackthorn8 · 2015-04-24T23:44:06+00:00

"Yes, she does this thing with her tongue, anyways, let me show you" then escalate

"Yes, they have this new thing called "deep throating?" Who knew what I was missing."

"Do you want me to have an affair? You seem more interested than me?"

"Why would I need to have an affair, babe?" Walk away, it's rhetorical.

"Did I miss some lipstick? Shit, I knew I should have showered."

Countpudyoola · 2015-04-25T07:44:38+00:00

"You keep asking that and I'm going to take it as a suggestion."

Then move in close and start initiating.

UEMcGill · 2015-04-25T00:28:54+00:00

"No, why can you hook me up?"

Now_I_Knows · 2015-04-26T03:26:12+00:00

From what I read, it seems like your instincts are dead on. The main thing is not to succumb to her frame and you didn't. You didn't even entertain her question and you took the lead. Anything else you do is practically gratuitous beyond frame and lead.

I had almost the exact same moment with my wife a little over three years ago, much like you described. All the great witty replies and even all the verbal screw-ups are really insignificant. It's your wife, you can't trick her, the changes have to be real, although a witty response may make her acknowledge and react to the changes faster. Nonetheless, what matters is that you stick to the improvement of yourself and keep leading with that frame. In the last three years I can honestly say that I have done that (plus taken lots of advice from reading shit here and there). Things just keep getting better. I'm almost completely where I want to be in the marriage.

The sex was fixed in two months. After that she began and stayed on a strict fitness program (she was always good looking, but she is sure to not let herself go now). Even with her improvement, just the other day she made it perfectly clear that she was angry because she fears the fact that I may take advantage of opportunities I have to have other women younger and prettier ("that she can't compete with"). I have put myself close to these type women, but she is overreacting. She envisions women throwing themselves at me (she has no idea how ridiculous this is--that I would still have to pursue them, which I don't, other than to friend zone them. Pretty girl acquaintances are great dread).

Even now, I still don't explain too much. I do now, as I have done for 3+ years, which is just as you did the other night. The wife goes a little out of control, and I stay on my path. I don't explain or try to add too much emphasis to my actions. However, I would if I were spinning plates. But With my wife, I play the long game and let the actions do most of the talking.

As you continue to improve, if she doesn't start to comply, then nudge her a little. Tell her your intentions when she throws another inevitable hissy fit: "I want sex. So I am becoming more sexually attractive." Then when she says shit like "and if I don't feel like it are you going to cheat?" Then do your bob-and-weave and never answer the question, just distract her and make her laugh. These type interactions will probably do the trick. Then if they don't, you'll look into a little dread (she has to realize your capabilities. It can take a few months for you to acquire these capabilities). Then after a little more time, you may have to amp up to a threat. At this point though, you would be dealing with the most stubborn type person. I doubt you would ever get this far. The step of going thermonuclear is a long way off. If you play it the way you did the other night, but just slowly turn up the heat as you improve, only the dumbest type woman wouldn't start to comply. After all, you truly are becoming her dream guy. Just remember to do it for yourself, while knowing that ultimately it's best for your marriage. Keep reading stuff here and there and you will internalize a lot of the frame and occasionally pick up a little tactic that applies to your situation. You've already nailed the most important thing, so really if you just kept that up then time should fix the rest. It seems you moved faster than me. I was a pretty bad case though.

scottieslg · 2015-04-24T22:38:20+00:00

Is SHE having an affair??

She seems to be projecting quite a bit...

theultmatecad · 2015-04-25T02:46:43+00:00

Agree and amplify.

Yes. With kate upton. She knows a good thing when she sees it

[deleted] · 2015-04-25T06:24:12+00:00

"Yes we are... But don't tell my wife."

NiftyDolphin · 2015-04-24T23:58:37+00:00

Tonight we had been invited to a friend's for dinner and on the walk there my wife made some comment that my shoes were "clickier" than hers and that I looked like I was auditioning for a boy band.

FR: example of a woman negging

StinkyDiaper · 2015-04-25T03:24:46+00:00

This is good news: she fears you're having an affair, which means she perceives your SMV as having risen. Keep it up, take charge, and your dead bedroom will be a thing of the past!

fauxscot · 2015-04-25T04:01:32+00:00

Yes.. I admit it. I am having an affair with myself. We're jonesing for a threesome, too. Know anyone?

KyfhoMyoba · 2015-04-26T01:48:30+00:00

I am getting hit with the same question again and again, "are you having an affair?"

This is the wrong way to do it, but since she is having some cognitive difficulty in making the connection between an affair by you and lack of sex from her, something that conveys this meaning - but definitely not these words, they're wa-a-a-ay too direct - "Why would I have an affair? I'm getting laid all the time from my wife!"

nrthrnwoodsman · 2015-04-26T03:21:58+00:00

Respond with "yeah and its with your best friend" , followed with a smirk.

Tbizzs · 2015-04-27T18:27:26+00:00

I don't know how RP this is but I always deflect those with gay jokes. Like "yeah Jim in accounting really appreciates when I gussy up for him."

Based on what I read in MMSLP I don't think this is a good response as it triggers her to subconsciously think of me as gay even though she knows it's just a joke. It's probably good for waving off the idea that I'm cheating on her but not so good for giving her the tingles based on the idea that I have high enough SMV to be capable of cheating on her.

Title	"Are you having an affair?" - best answer
Author	casual_shanter
Upvotes	12
Comments	33
Date	April 24, 2015 10:29 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/33rga2/are_you_having_an_affair_best_answer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/are-you-having-an-affair-best-answer.202062 https://theredarchive.com/post/202062

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