My wife and I met when we were 18 (freshman in college) and 16 (junior in high school). We later went to the same college, moved in together after college, got engaged, then got married last year. We don't fight, we don't abuse each other, and are 100% comfortable around each other. I love her. I love her family, my family loves her.

However, I recently realized that our relationship is codependent. I should mention that her father was an alcoholic up until about three months ago. For years, I have been taking care of her and going out of my way to make her happy. I am realizing how one sided this is in a lot of ways. I am also starting to regret all the time I focused on making her (and others) happy instead of focusing on myself.

For one, I did not go away to college so that I could stay with her. On the weekends, I would hangout with her instead of go out with my friends. We generally go where she wants to go to eat, see the movies she wants to see, do what she wants to do. I showered her with gifts hoping that would help things. I picked her up from school everyday, bailed her out of countless situations, etc. I feel that the majority of the burden for the relationship and us living together is on me. I don't get this in return.

One example is affection. For years, I have wanted more sex with her and not gotten it. Right now we do it once a month maybe once every couple of weeks. I don't hold this against her as it could be a hormonal imbalance, but it is a problem. When we do have sex, it's when she wants to how she wants to at the time she wants to. At this point, I am losing interest in having sex with her.

Another example is money. Despite countless talks about money, she refuses to learn about what we have; our accounts, our debts, our investments, etc. The entire burden of money is on me, despite the fact that she has inherited money that she leaves to me to manage.

She often times doesn't want to go out when I do. For example, on the weekends she would rather stay home and watch a movie than to go out to dinner or to a movie. I love to go out on hikes and walk in the mornings however she doesn't like to and typically won't unless we plan it ahead of time, etc. I understand that she can't be everything to me and that I have to take care of myself. At the same time, I am feeling very alone as I have a wife but she doesn't want to do things with me.

Despite knowing that I like a clean house, she doesn't do chores. It's like pulling teeth a lot of time. When she does them, she does a good job but it usually only gets done when I throw a big enough fit. For a period of time she quit her job to go to school. The arrangement was she would do the chores since she wasn't working. The chores still didn't get done.

At this point, I have started talking to other women I meet at bars/clubs/events. In the past four months, I have gotten tens of numbers, slept with a woman, gone on a date with another. At the end of the day, I don't necessarily want to sleep with these women. Rather, I feel that I want companionship from them and am looking for what I am not getting from my current relationship. At the current moment, I have decided I will no longer pursue other women until I decide what to do with my wife.

I am wondering if anyone has ever been in this situation where they are in love with a codependent in a seemingly calm household. How did you handle it?

tl;dr: Considering leaving a calm/loving relationship because our relationship is codependent. Wondering how you have or would deal with this.