Did I do this right? Shit test.

Archwinger · 2014-12-01T15:24:25+00:00

my wife and I are both 26

That’s a good age to get married if you really want to be married. Usually, women marry a guy a few years older, though.

we recently found out she’s pregnant

That’s good. Having kids is the purpose of marriage. If you aren’t actively trying to start a family, you’re stupid to get married.

from the once every month sex I tend to get

….uh oh. Are you sure about that?

(that’s another issue for another time).

No the fuck it’s not. Two issues here: first, when you marry a woman, you vow to forsake all others to be with her. You forsook all others, and in exchange for that, your wife, who loves you, made you hang your dick up on the wall and only take it out once a month for special occasions? Women enthusiastically fuck men that they respect. They trickle out once a month duty sex for men they don’t, as a transaction to keep their arrangement running smoothly. The fact that your wife isn’t fucking you frequently and enthusiastically shows you exactly where you stand with her. Before even reading any more of your post, which by the title I assume is going to include a shit test, I already know where you stand with your wife.

My wife and I work at the same place on the same shift

Women date up. They don’t respect equals. When your wife sees you being a normal, unexceptional Joe in the workplace, working in the same place that she does, she knows where you are every day, she knows what you do every day, and she knows she settled. You really need to take a few steps and advance your career. That alone might do wonders for getting your wife to respect you a little more.

I often got to break with her

That just makes this situation worse. Co-dependent much?

and I often have to wait for her response via instant messenger.

You don’t “have to” wait for anything. Just do your shit. She can come or not.

I messaged her (I’m going to break, you ready?)

I’d have shortened that to “going to break”. Actually, that’s a lie, I’d have shortened that to absolutely nothing and just gone to break.

No response after 4 minutes

That shouldn’t matter, since you’re already 4 minutes into your well-deserved break, right?

and stated (I’m going in two)

I’ll bet you think counting to three when you’re mad at a child works, too. And maybe even threatening to spank the kid, then when the kid laughs and punches you in the gut, saying, “I mean it! Next time I really will spank you! This is totally your third to last chance before I do it! I swear!”

I get to the break room

Finally…and only after she told you she was ready. Tool.

and I ask if she is busy.

Because even though she said she was coming, you’re still waiting on her to validate you emotionally with her presence, right? About this far into your post, you’re such a needy sack of shit that even I want to cheat on you, and I’m on your side.

She responds with (blah blah words indicating she thinks she’s more important than you)

Boy, I hope I’m about to read how you didn’t take her words at face value and lower yourself to arguing with her, thereby validating her and proving that she’s important to her and that you desire her approval.

I responded

Uh oh…

with (blah blah explaining my position and justifying myself to my wife)

Make sure you get a paternity test when that kid is born.

She kind of glares and (blah blah we discuss this issue that doesn’t warrant discussion some more as I try and try to explain my position hoping she’ll acknowledge it, apologize, and validate me, but she never does and just seems to get angrier for reasons I don’t understand since I’m totally giving her what she ought to want by explaining myself reasonably and spending every spare minute I have with her.)

Also talk to a lawyer and make sure your ducks are in a row.

If you really, really want to spend time with your wife during your break, send her one text: “going on break.”

Then go on your fucking break. If your wife bothers coming, she should find you chatting amicably with one or more of your female coworkers. When you finally see her at the end of the day, mention that you’re going out with some of the guys from work for a few drinks, and let her know she’s on her own for dinner. The next morning, wake up early, hit the gym, and tell her to get herself to work. And work on getting a new job away from your wife ASAP. If your wife really bothers you about these changes you’re making, dismiss her the first few times. If she really keeps at it, tell her that since you’re going to be a father soon, you want to get in shape and network professionally. You know, for the good of your family. Then keep working out like a fiend, eating healthy, and going out with people. Let her wonder where you are and who you’re with. Be the badass that everybody at work likes and wants to be or be with and pretend your wife doesn’t exist until you’re home with her. When you’re home with her, initiate sex. If she rejects you, shrug it off and go out or go do something you enjoy around the house.

SorcererKing · 2014-12-01T16:10:13+00:00

Regrettably this doesn't sound like an isolated shit test as much as it does 'business as usual' for your wife. You don't provide much information, but from what you say (beta bitch, sex once a month) it sounds like your wife does not respect you and/or is not attracted to you. Shit test failure is but one symptom.

I see at least three activity areas for you to work on to fix this. The first is standard short-term advice: do your reading from the sidebar material here on MRP. Get through those books as quickly as possible. Next, some standard long-term advice: make sure your diet and exercise are in order, particularly lifting. This has been discussed in a million and one threads on the RP family of forums, but lifting will do wonders. So if your current regimen does not include lifting, add it.

Now, some custom advice. I think one of your problems is that your woman is bored and complacent. She knows where you are, she knows what you do and when, and you are together far too much. Part of Soft Dread will be removing that sense of Total Security she is abusing.

It also sounds like you and your wife have the same job (maybe you met her there?) If so, you have to be so much better in other areas so as to satisfy her hypergamy. What do I mean by that? I mean that if she thinks you two are equals then she doesn't look up to you, and if she doesn't look up to you, she can't love you. This adds up to the following: You have to make sure she never feels she can do better than you.

I think one thing that could help here is for you to get a new (better) job. Not in the cards right now? Then start additional training that will get you there. Even if it's just a series of Coursera classes, get your ass in gear toward bettering yourself. Showing ambition and the relentless pursuit of your agenda will build her respect like crazy. (If it doesn't then there may be something much more substantial going on.)

The best part? This is all shit you should be doing for yourself anyway. A woman is gravy on top of a life well lived. Break through your own complacency and destroy hers in the process.

TL;DR This isn't just a shit test, but a lifestyle. Improve yourself and the rest will follow.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-12-01T16:40:43+00:00

This is the beginning of a long path. You will find your wife responds to you more and more positively the more you establish reasonable boundaries.

Think of her like a bratty teenager. You wouldn't lose it if your teenager started to pout after you texted her so don't lose it if your wife does it.

This is the beginning of Chapter 3: "Passing Shit Tests and Building Attraction" for my upcoming Best Seller "How To Turn Around a Low Sex Marriage."

Shit Tests were “discovered” in the 1990’s by pickup artists who approached women and found they were often met with a seemingly hostile reaction. They also discovered that if they maintained a calm, relaxed, confident demeanor while the woman was acting rude or hostile then this same woman could often end up at their playboy pad in his bed- naked and panting just a few hours later. Moreover, they also discovered that in most cases the best response to a Shit Test- defined as the most likely to induce her to go to bed with you, preferably later that night- was to “Agree and Amplify.”

Let me explain. If a woman responds rudely or with hostility to a pickup approach, perhaps by specifically telling the artist they are not interested, the Pickup Artists learned through repeated experience that if you “Agree” with the woman, and then “Amplify” her response to humorous proportions it would frequently break the ice and change the female’s attitude, often very quickly as she reevaluates the player as a “man of substance.” Her female mind is turning at a hundred miles an hour as she realizes that this is a formidable man who is not fazed by her. This man, she begins to realize, is confident and it is obvious that if he can treat her dismissively then he must be somebody who is wanted by other women. In the words of author Rollo Tomassi, this is a man who “gets it.” This is “The Prize.”

Much later, it was discovered that the same principles works in a long term relationship. Really who knew that your wife was still a woman? Pardon my aside right now but that right there is most of your problem my friend- you forgot that your wife was a woman! Remember how you treated her when she first started calling you? Remember how you had other girls and were trying to decide whether this was “the one?” Remember how you were dismissive and showed her that you were in demand, how you demonstrated that she was going to have to “win” your affections? How you did not return her calls right away because you were so busy? How you responded to her love notes with a simple “that is sweet” followed by a particularly passionate session of lovemaking? Let me ask you this: How far have you fallen?

If you want to know the answer to your low sex marriage imagine how you treated your wife in the beginning, when it was not a low sex relationship. How did you treat her when she was throwing sex at you like rain multiple times a day? How did you treat her when you were first dating? Now compare that to how you treat her today.

Women in long term relationships will Shit Test their man without mercy in a steadily escalating campaign to determine how far she can push him. There is a dispute over whether women do this consciously or unconsciously but anyone who doesn’t think women throw Shit Tests like rain when they are unsure of the relationship and do not have the confidence of their man has not been paying attention.

As an aside, for the love of God, don’t ASK women about any of this because they will deny, deny, deny. Most of them literally don’t even know what they are doing when they throw Shit Tests so WATCH what they do, not what they SAY.

Go to Target or the local mall and do some people watching. First look for the women leading around their men. Watch for the fierce scowl on their lined, weathered faces and the tight lips drawn into an exasperated grimace. They can often be heard across the store sharply issuing orders, in a high pitched, whiny or nasally voice. They will be using it primarily to criticize the passive man as he follows them through the store, eyes downcast, afraid to even look up. Do you think that guy is getting laid? More to the point, do you think that woman is getting fucked silly by that particular man on a regular basis? You know the answer to that.

At some point you will see a couple come into the store holding hands. More often than not you can identify them by the fact the man will be a step ahead leading her into the store. They will touch lightly. Look at her face and notice her soft eyes and sprightly, knowing smile. She smiles at her man lightly and you can see her gaze linger a little longer on him than necessary. The man stands upright, his eyes smoothly and calmly roaming through the store like a silverback gorilla considering the African Savanah. You probably cannot hear either of them because they are softly talking to one another while making eye contact. They walk together in lockstep, lightly treading through the store, perhaps holding hands, perhaps with the man’s arm lightly on her hip as she leans into him. Do you think that guy is getting laid? More to the point, do you think that women is getting fucked silly by that particular man on a regular basis? You know the answer to that too.

In a marriage or LTR a Shit Test usually manifests as a disrespectful or unpleasant tone or attitude. This is not to be confused with anger during an actual fight. The advice I give for that situation is covered in the next sections on ‘Holding Frame’ but can be summarized as follows:

“Women always win arguments with men because only foolish men argue with them.” If you just calmly wait out the storm more often than not she will contradict herself in a very short time.

For an example of a Shit Test, consider a wife complaining about her husband’s purchases who sharply comments in front of company that her husband “always” makes poor decisions. This is a public Shit Test and it must be passed. The go-to way to pass a Shit Test is to “Agree and Amplify.” A sound “Agree and Amplify” response would be something along the lines of: “You are so right, I never make the right decision. I obviously couldn’t even marry the right person.” If this is delivered with a smirk and in obvious good humor AND if you are able to maintain your smug attitude without getting drawn into the emotional maelstrom of her monthly adventure then you “pass.” If you are drawn into an argument with her and/or get caught up in her emotions, or your emotions, then you fail.

A second way to pass a Shit Test is to “Nuke” it. However, Nuking a Shit Test can provoke a relationship ending crisis. With a “Nuke” you are laying down the law. You are setting boundaries and you must enforce them at all costs. Thus you should never lay down boundaries when you are angry or emotionally invested in any way. Until you can build a strong, stoic, masculine attitude and build a strong frame you probably should not even use a Nuke. Even after you are strong and confident, be very, very careful with using a Nuke. The problem with weapons of mass destruction like nuclear bombs is they are extremely powerful and they tend to contaminate the environment for the next million years if you are not careful.

nopbeentheredonethat · 2014-12-01T15:09:38+00:00

Well it's a start.

Now try not to tolerate disrespect anymore. And by that I mean NEVER. You have to stay calm (I know that's the hard part), Stay respectful and hold your ground. Keep a paternalist attitude, not an asshole attitude. When push come to shove, leave and wait for her emotion to calm down by themselves.

This is probably one the best tool in the box to regain control of your marriage and self respect. She will love you for it. Now get back in shape, don't tell her your doing it, just do it. Start taking initiative about the thing you want to do without her approval. Important to be reasonable here.

In a week or two she will definitely notice the difference. Keep us posted on the progress.

mabden_reborn · 2014-12-02T13:30:53+00:00

True story. Once knew a guy, nice guy, alpha guy, beautiful wife.

They worked, different jobs, same place.

They got up together, dressed together, eat breakfast together, rode to work together, held hands walking into work together, eat lunch together, went home together, eat dinner together, went to bed together. Spent the weekend together.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

One day his wife served him with divorce papers. He was crushed and was never the same for the rest of the time I knew him.

What did I learn from this poor souls misery? Too much togetherness makes for a bored, unhappy wife. ABC, Always Be a Challenge.

Pyrostic · 2014-12-01T15:50:51+00:00

I have gotten in shape (dropped 40lbs and put on some lean muscle). I'm a rather attractive guy.

I probably should have added more substance:

I am furthering my education about a year out from my BS in IT.

She got this job after we moved away from our hometown, and I had worked here for two years. I got her the job to help our family.

We ride together to work because it saves money 25min commute one way.

I try and initiate sex... All the fucking time. And you're right. I doubt she does respect me - but that's why I'm here learning. I've read a lot.

Tonight after work I'm turning in her prescription for more prenatal vitamins while she hopefully cleans the house. I plan on going to check out a new gym that's not at work (my current gym is free and at work).

I don't have many friends - so asking people to hang out after work is kind of tough but I'll give it a go.

I guess I'm not sure where to start. Just start with shit tests?

fnordsnord · 2014-12-01T20:59:58+00:00

You spoke too much.

OpiumPhrogg · 2014-12-01T17:27:40+00:00

You know, as much as I would like to add my own thoughts here. Everything I was going to mention has already been said. Except maybe, figuring out the balance of alpha and (good) beta behavior during the pregnancy. I believe the Married Man Sex Life Primer has a section on this. Don't go full alpha, or else you may completely destroy the marriage. HOWEVER! Now is probably the best time to start making small changes that will have a ripple effect in the future. Your wife is looking for a leader of the soon to be family, if you continually fail at this now, then she will have lost all respect for you later on (if she hasn't already). Stop the covert contracts immediately. This can be tough especially if it has become the MO of the relationship dynamic. You are going to have to be self aware enough to know when it is happening and halt it. This can (and most likely will) play into becoming Outcome Independent. And guess what? You are already only getting it 1x a month, there is no better time to practice! What do you have to lose? The worst thing is that she will turn you down and that is already happening, right (make sure you push to a "hard no" )? Okay, maybe I had more to say than I thought. Good luck.

jcrpta · 2014-12-01T22:14:00+00:00

You sound exactly like me (except for the wife being pregnant bit).

You NEED to spend time apart. Her hamster is shit-testing you constantly. If you're not there, there are two immediate benefits:

The hamster can't initiate shit tests.
The hamster is going to start thinking "I wonder what he is doing....? Someone else, maybe?". In short, it'll be working for you, not against you.

Pyrostic · 2014-12-03T01:57:58+00:00

Posted an update... Not going as well as hoped. I read FR's about quick turn around in early stages of this. Just remember I've been upping my SMV by working out (dropped 40lbs and put on muscle) and going to school for a BS in IT. I'm working on getting out of the house more - have a dinner with a bro tomorrow after work (we will be discussing The Rational Male over dinner - I turned him onto it, but he's single so can't really relate).

OpiumPhrogg · 2014-12-04T16:35:30+00:00

You just rolling over and "not being mad about it" is not enough to take her (perceived) power over you away. You need to smile, kiss her on her forehead and with a smile say "Okay, babe. Sleep well." Then get up and leave the bedroom. Get a drink of water, do some light reading for about 20-45 minutes. Then climb back into bed and go to sleep. If she comes out to see what you are up to, just smile like no big deal and say you wanted to catch up on this article or whatever, divert any attempts she makes at getting you to admit you are upset that she didn't give you any sex. When you go back to bed, don't cuddle, if she asks, you can just say something a long the lines of "I don't want to cuddle with a woman, especially if she is my wife if she doesn't want to have sex with me." Don't be wishy washy, say it with a firmness in your voice (not anger). Shut down any attempts at an argument about it and go to sleep. Let her hamster work on it for a while. Like all the next day, go to work without saying much, take your breaks when you want (without her), etc. Don't ignore her, talk to her with a smile on your face (don't engage her arguments shut those down), like everything is awesome in spite of her emotional storm, be firm, but gentle.

Title	Did I do this right? Shit test.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	13
Comments	49
Date	December 1, 2014 2:39 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2nxxpe/did_i_do_this_right_shit_test/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/did-i-do-this-right-shit-test.202863 https://theredarchive.com/post/202863

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