I'm one month past swallowing the red pill and slowly trying to fix a 10 year long drunk captain/dead bedroom marriage. I've been focusing on lifting, reading and the first three levels of dread. I won't write a novel here and instead just give a few examples. Please chime in with advice, suggestions, etc.

 

The dead bedroom has been getting better. I found that I was almost always getting denied for evening sex so I started initiating in the morning. We both work out at home at 5am so I do SL in the basement and she's doing cardio upstairs. Each time I initiate I choose a different room of the house to keep it fresh and that seems to be intriguing for her. She shit tests me at least once per initation and I used to fold up and be butthurt. Today, I left a note in her sneaker that read: When your workout is over, text me and wait in the gym room. 30 mins later she did just that and started blabbering about too much to get done, she's tired, we have errands to run, the stars aren't aligned, etc. I lead her down to the floor, took off her clothes, and caveman'd her. I talked shit the whole time reminding her that she NEEDS a daily fucking, yes, there's a lot to do but I'm busy fucking you right now, so on. Blew my load, cleaned her up and went on my way.

 

Yesterday, she was burnt out from work and dumped a lot of bs on me. I held frame very well, used some good AA and begged a bit and it went well. Toward the end if the night she started looking sad (rare) and said you hate [daughter] and me, don't you. I froze up because she seemed very serious, there's no reason for either to think that, and I didn't have an appropriate response. I reassured her that I love them both and tried to stay upbeat. What was the right course of action?

 

Earlier in the week she was slacking on chores so I tool care of some things she usually does (laundry, making the bed, packing daughter's food). I rushed through them a bit and made a few mistakes with the way she usually does these things. In the past, thered be hell fire missiles launched but I noticed she mentioned it in a more light hearted way. Poking fun rather than legitimately angry. I threw back so AA and told her to let me know when there's actually a real problem because putting a piece of clothing in the wrong dryer bag, forgetting a pillow case and missing part of a lunch are not problems. She smiled.

 

One more quick point. Went out to dinner with friends and I ordered some Oysters, which is out of character for me but I do actually enjoy them. "Wife says to me, what is going on with you? You're growing a goatee, ordering Oysters, (few other examples). I simply said, you act like a man can't make changes or do things differently. Was this an okay response? What was the optimal play there?

 

All in all, the gs are slowly getting better. I've been planning more weekend outings, taking control of my daughter more to give mom a break, and holding frame much more. Thanks for all you guys do - this information is literally life changing.