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sariaru
[–]TrainingTheBrain 7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
Your husband is a weaksauce shell of a 'man' and unfortunately that means he is like a majority of 'men' out there.
He has to find the calling himself. all you can do is point out how pathetic he has become by asking him to go on a hike vs play games. Or, in bed tell him you want more.
Force him to face the fact that he is telling his wife he'd rather sit in front of a computer getting fat, weak, and setting a shitty example for his family and not leading.
The military should have the opposite effect, unfortunately guys like him get in and then become a fucking slug.
If you are getting in shape he should notice, get him to go with you. Outside of that I have no idea as I'm a Man and have never played the role of wife.
[–]sariaruUnplugging[S] -4 points-3 points-2 points 11 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
still find him wildly attractive guys like him get in and then become a fucking slug
still find him wildly attractive
guys like him get in and then become a fucking slug
You can kindly fuck off, sir, with the implication that I'm attracted to a slug. Also, I never said he was fat or unfit - that's your bias being read into my words. On the contrary, he's fairly fit. He doesn't lift, but weekly runs with 30kg on his back does a great deal to keep him trim.
Insulting my Captain aside, I appreciate your advice, but I will not stand by and let someone insult my husband. He was not always like this, so I am hoping it's a temporary thing fueled by the lower class of squaddies that he's working with.
[–]CopperFox3c6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Whoa lady, slow down there, look you came here and asked for advice, and this guy gave you good, unadulterated advice.
He's giving you the same advice he'd give to your husband, in the same language. He's not trying to insult him, he's trying to challenge him. Yeah, he's using some raw language, but you can't sugarcoat "challenging a man." Ever seen drill sergeants in the military? This is what men respond to - being challenged. Competition is in our nature, leading is in our nature.
The only exception to this is when they feel like they can't win. That's why men often pull back from the nagging wife, cause no matter what they do, it's just more nagging.
I understand that you see the harsh language as an insult, but mano e mano, it's not. It's what men need to hear. Of course you can't say this stuff to your man, not as a woman, it will be perceived differently. As for what you can do, I'd say one simple thing is to increase your feminine polarity - a man becomes more masculine in the presence of of a strong feminine element, and vice versa. You might want to peruse some of David Deida's "The Way of the Superior Man" to understand this, possibly give a copy to your husband too.
[–]icynova3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I came in here to say what this guy did.
[–]sariaruUnplugging[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know the advice is good advice. I appreciate it and I said as much above. That said, I'm pretty sure that part of being a good first mate is not standing by and letting strangers call your captain a slug. The advice could have been raw without the language used. I know the TRP is known for straight-up, no-shit-talking. That's why I'm here and not r/relationships.
In the interest of admitting my own faults and failings, I've done nagging in the past. Sometimes it still sneaks up on me, but I kick the hamster every time I hear it start up. But that's not who I want to be, so I'm making the effort to change.
I also know that I can't ask here how to say it because you guys don't know how to address a captain, because you are a captain. Thanks for the advice and the book tip. We have Captivating and Wild at Heart which address the masculine and feminine from a Christian standpoint, but I'll give your suggestion a look.
If your first mate handed you this book, how would you respond? Would it be seen as a challenge or an insult?
[–]TrainingTheBrain 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Computer games for hours on end, no hobbies, no desire to self-improve.
Those were your words, not mine.
As for him not always being fucking weak, it doesn't matter what he has done, because if it did you wouldn't be here. What matters is who we are now and where we're going.
Edit What the fuck do his guys have to do with his performance? If he was any type of leader he wouldn't have 'lower class guys' because he would fucking PT and demand a higher standard from them in every aspect.
[–]sariaruUnplugging[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
And fat and slug were your words, not mine.
In response to your edit, to be honest I'm not sure. I do know that spending most of your day with people of wildly differing ideologies makes it more difficult to hold up your own. "Frame" - is that the correct term for this scenario as well? I know it's mostly used in reference to confrontation between husband and wife.
I am genuinely interested in learning and taking advice from this, but my devotion to husband will raise my hackles.
[–]TrainingTheBrain 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I do know that spending most of your day with people of wildly differing ideologies makes it more difficult to hold up your own. "Frame"
No, it does not.
To bring this to a closure, you need to get yourself operating at such a high standard that your husband recognizes that you can do better.
He will lose you if he doesn't raise his personal standard. Either that, or you'll quit trying to improve and just accept that he is what he is and that mediocrity is your way of life and will be for your child as well.
Humping with a pack is not enough fitness. Not leading your family or your Men is unacceptable, and not setting/striving for self-improvement through the setting & completion of goals is completely weaksauce.
Step your game up in an effort to raise his.
I've been doing the latter, mostly. I'll give the former a better shot. Thanks for your help.
[–]whinemoreplease 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Lady. If you're going to get offended by the use of words and act like a cunt, you're not going to be welcome here. You want advice from men, be prepared to take advice from men as any man here would be expected to take it. You don't to be coddled because you claim to have a pussy.
[–]sariaruUnplugging[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
On the contrary, the advice has been helpful and I'm appreciative for it.
But I will defend my captain, just as I hope your first mate would defend you were I to call you a fat slug to her outside your presence.
Is that not part of the job of being a 2nd in command, or should I let insults to my husband go unanswered?
[–]jacktenofheartsMarried MRP APPROVED4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You can kindly fuck off, sir, with the implication that I'm attracted to a slug.
You weren't defending your Captain, you were defending yourself. Your ego was threatened at the idea that we consider your husband a low SMV male, and that would mean you were married to a low SMV male. So let's not beat around the bush - you could give a shit about defending your husband beyond how poorly his behavior reflects upon you.
[–]TrainingTheBrain 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is an incredibly insightful point that I had not even recognized when I replied.
Solid job dude, the implication that I'm attracted to a slug. she made it about her not him.
[–]whinemoreplease 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
If any man here gets upset by mean words, they're doing it completely wrong.
If you're fighting your man's fights, then your man looks like a bitch.
So, in short, yes. You should let them go unanswered while you focus on getting the answers you want to improve your own life.
You know, or you could continue making your man look more like a bitch than he already is.
But jacktenofhearts is dead on - this about you, not your husband.
I'll agree to disagree. I'm approaching RP with a firm Catholic moral compass. Anything that doesn't line up with that can get tossed out, and the things that do line up (which has thankfully been the vast majority of this thread) can get implemented.
RP might be amoral, but that doesn't mean the people utilising it are.
[–]Countpudyoola 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Where the fuck am I? I thought this was mrp?
I can't believe how many, including vets here, are taking this all at face value. But, sheepishly...I did last time we got a woman hamstering out here so I'm not throwing any specific stones.
I want to step back and call out a phrase the great Redd Foxx would apparently exclaim when they'd frantically send somebody to get him for curtain call. Many times they'd start banging on the door and he would be busy banging a fan back stage.
All he'd say is: "Can't a man relax no more?"
When you have a 7 month old that can suck a lot out of your hobbies. Games may be his go to. For some guys it's watching sports.
I remember playing Skyrim one night till about 3 am. Then didn't touch it for 2 weeks. My next shit test I got from wifey she said "All you do is play video games." Hadn't touched in weeks. Been going to MMA , BJJ, actually doing projects around the house during that time frame. So let's put some real world numbers on it with some accusation. I hear all-the-time, always, every-time in every shit-test I receive from my wife.
Nothing more nagging sounding to me than a woman complaining her man just isn't ambitious enough.
" He doesn't lift, but weekly runs with 30kg on his back does a great deal to keep him trim " well shit, that sounds like something other than playing video games.
Is he ambitious enough for himself? That's all that really matters here. We'd all like our wives to be 10's. All the wives would like their husbands to be CEOs or 5 star generals.
I like playing video games on occasion, sometimes in the winter on a lot of occasions. If I think I'm doing too much I'll go work on something else...but other than that I work all week and how I spend my off time is how I decide to spend my off time.
If he has no other things he wants to concentrate on, but you want more attention? Give him good reasons to give you attention. Come into the room naked. Unzip and give him a bj, tell him you'll finish in the bedroom.
Without him here... with his side of the story, I have no advice to give him. As others have said... /r/rpw
[–]SorcererKingMRP SAGE - MRP MODERATOR2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you, Count. I'm a bit surprised too at how few questions are being asked. Note the sheepish admission of nagging in one of the replies. So much context lacking here.
To OP: Go to RPW.
[–]whinemoreplease 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Whoever said this is a woman thinking like a woman trying to solve a woman's problem was dead on.
[–]SepeanMRP APPROVED0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Maybe you're right, maybe she is. Many men do go omega.
After you wrote that, it got me thinking. Why does she want him to stop gaming, but not know about the red pill? Almost sounds like she wants a better beta, not a better alpha...
[–]sariaruUnplugging[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's not that I don't want him to know about it - I do! I just don't want to be the one to introduce it. I mean, if men aren't supposed to talk about TRP with their SOs, it sort of defeats the purpose if I send him a link to TRP, doesn't it?
That's why I've been very grateful for books that have RP ideals without being so blatant.
[–]SepeanMRP APPROVED1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I mean, if men aren't supposed to talk about TRP with their SOs, it sort of defeats the purpose if I send him a link to TRP, doesn't it?
No. You already know about the red pill. You know how he should act and sees fault when he doesn't. And he doesn't know how to act. He's at a clear disadvantage.
Compare that to the man knowing about the red pill, knowing how to act, and his wife not knowing the techniques. That puts him at an advantage, and that advantage grows smaller if she learns of the red pill.
Don't assume gender symmetry here, that is not how relationships work. You are both happier if he is dominant, and information is power.
Show him the red pill. Tell him it works, it is what you dream of, it makes you so wet.
Now that you lay that out, that's fairly straightforward and somewhat obvious. Knowledge is power, I want him to have power, he's not going to get that without knowledge. Duh.
Thanks, good sir. Solid advice; well appreciated.
[–]sariaruUnplugging[S] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I appreciate your frank advice.
I don't mind gaming. I quite like gaming. Hell, we met gaming. We just got a brand new gaming desktop so that we both have desktops to use. We're planning on playing the Witcher series side by side to see how out choices change the story. I'm stoked. We also play League of Legends together. I addition, I do some Skyrim, he does some Elite: Dangerous.
By no means do I want him to stop gaming altogether. It's important to him, a good source of stress relief, and something that we can do together.
My concern is moderation. He used to have other interests and hobbies: chess, reading, running. I asked him about a month ago to teach me how to play chess. He agreed, I let him pick when - nothing since. He plays about 5-9 games of League a day (each game takes anywhere from 20-50min), and watches 2-3 episodes of Smallville in between games. The last time he went without games for more than 24 hours was when he was on a training exercise in Kenya.
I've had to start doing house repair because he won't. I've repaired our oven, vacuum cleaner, and wardrobe door. I've reinstalled our sink plumbing. These are not things I want to be doing.
I'm on mobile now, so I can't quote your last bit, but I've tried that and gotten rebuffed for interrupting. I've tried that with the addition of bringing baked from scratch bread out of the oven.
Call me a hamster if you like, cry AWALT if you like. I'm trying to give the steering wheel back to the Captain because I'm sick of driving, but he's sleeping on deck.
[–]Countpudyoola 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'll root for you two to work it out, but we can't really help wives prod their husbands here.
The only real advice here is go ask some /r/redpillwomen , I realize you think it is about self-improvement for women...but that's a better start.
And in general , if your wondering if someone notices you exist and getting in their face doesn't appear to work, disappearing for longer and longer periods of time can attack it from the other flank. Find some hobbies out of the house. Perhaps you two are getting too much quantity time together. Even amicably.
[–]FrozenSoil1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What worked for me (pre-RP) was being forced to be more responsible for the care of my son...that and he wouldn't leave the controller alone.
When my wife was away with work, it was just not feasible for me to play, even when he was sleeping as there was always something that needed to be done.
I'm assuming you're a SAHM, if that is the case, maybe being forced to become more responsible for his own child will make him put the controller down. Once its down its easy to leave it there.
If he can't...well then he's a bad husband and an even worse father...I don't have to tell you what I'd do.
[–]sariaruUnplugging[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That's correct, I am a SAHM. I do 90% of the work looking after our son; it's difficult in a different way than his job with the military, obviously, and I know that being a SAHM means I have to work to add value to the family.
That being said, I've done this a couple of times and it usually ends up with him watching TV with the baby. He's very happy to play along if baby and I are playing, but rarely initiates such playtime on his own. I'm exclusively responsible for feeding our son, as I come with the necessary plumbing to do so, which means that he can only have him for a couple of hours at a time.
Thanks for the tip; maybe I need to work on offering more suggestions of things they can do together. Husband might be unsure but unwilling to admit it to me.
[–]FrozenSoil2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
First things first, if you're solely responsible for the child's feedings at night, you need to get him involved. Get a quality breast pump and bottles. It'll be a great way to bond, will place less responsibility on you and allow you to sleep. If you can through insurance and your doctor, get a rental on a hospital grade unit. Far better than ones you buy at your favorite department store.
Second, try to get them to run errands together. Theres no reason he can't help and again, its bonding time for daddy and baby.
And 3rd, yes your jobs are both challenging in different ways, but being a husband and a father rarely affords him time off, just as being a mother affords you a rare reprieve. Being active duty doesn't mean he can (or you should) let him off the hook for his other duties.
[–]RBuddDwyerMarried- MRP APPROVED1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
/r/RedPillWomen is a better place for this.
I do a lot of lurking on RPW; don't worry! But I feel that that sub is more for improving myself and my own feminine poise. I thought that helping him unplug would fit better here, as I wanted advice from other men.
I may cross-post it, though, to see the variance in responses.
[–]RBuddDwyerMarried- MRP APPROVED1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
improving myself and my own feminine poise
That is a good place to start.
[–]Redneck001MRP APPROVED2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Send him the Got A Minute? article.
[–]icynova1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow, this is good.
Amazing article. Thanks.
[–]JonnyJadedUnplugging0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My thoughts exactly.
[–]UEMcGillMarried- MRP MODERATOR0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'll second that /r/redpillwomen will help you along.
I'll add the advice that your problem lies in that you are thinking and acting like a woman.
What else can I do to encourage him to unplug from gaming and be the man he used to be?
Your problem is that you have the answer and refuse to use it.
Obviously, I'd like to do this without just: "Hey, honey, found this RedPill business, think you should look into it." I want to help secure and raise his masculine identity, not shatter it.
Sometimes men need a 2x4 to the head, not subtle clues. Go tell him "I need a strong man and leadership. With that I will reward you with being submissive, and your personal whore, this is what I was thinking..."
It may just be that easy.
Look him in the eye and tell him that he needs to "Sack Up" and be a husband and father.
[–]whinemoreplease 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Aside from this thread demonstrating the power of the female hamster, there's pretty much no value in it. It's getting removed.
This comment by jacktneofhearts nails it - http://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/382ung/how_to_encourage_unplugging/crs3hrb
[–]RPcoyoteUnplugging0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If my wife overtly told me I should improve by reading about RP or similar, I may do it but ultimately she's my wife not my mommy so I may not like or adopt advice coming from her. So I'd want her to be hot, stay in shape, drop dumb feminist friends, give me plenty blow jobs, be wildly sexy and available, raise her game and level as I raise mine. And did I mention more sex and blow jobs?
[–]SepeanMRP APPROVED-2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Fit wife, lots of sex, lots of gaming. Sounds awesome. Why would he change anything?
Tell him you love him and you want to fuck him - the real him, not the gamer. You're not fucking the gamer. Then dead bedroom him until he throws out his games.
He's a man. His masculinity won't shatter, it isn't made of glass. Stop using his imagined fragility as an excuse to reward bad behavior.
Use your weapon - sex. Just be smart about it and ask him to man up instead of the usual BS wives say they need to have sex (you need to listen to my feelings, respect my space, give me things, blah blah).
[–]mrpCamperUnplugging1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think this is the main point here. Sounds like he has it made.
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[–]TrainingTheBrain 7 points8 points9 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]sariaruUnplugging[S] -4 points-3 points-2 points (13 children) | Copy Link
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