invitation only

alpha_n3rd · 2014-11-24T17:35:52+00:00

We just had a baby and she is nursing

Her nipples are probably wicked sore, stay away from them. I'd say no good reason not to gently touch the rest of the breast, unless it's swollen and tender, which does happen sometimes. Your timing for breaking through this could have been better. Maybe back off for a few days and then start slowly like massage her neck each day and work your way a little farther down each time. Be gentle. Definitely don't grab a new mothers boobs.

My wife never has a problem with me touching her breasts unless they're sore. In fact she usually really likes it. I fall asleep holding 'em pretty much every night. Sometimes I get a little breast milk treat, although if I take more than at taste she complains that I'm eating the baby's food.

Update: Massage can actually be good for a nursing woman's breasts

jerry_rigger · 2014-11-24T21:25:27+00:00

Normally I'd suggest just waiting it out for a while since your wife is breastfeeding.

But the problem is the amount of access you wee granted in the first place. Breastfeeding has given her the chance to nail that coffin shut, depending on how you handle it. I doubt you'll get a green light until after your child quits feeding if she gives you one at all.

There's a deeper problem here that needs addressing.

Archwinger · 2014-11-24T18:14:08+00:00

I’m going to deviate a little from conventional Red Pill here. This is your wife. Not some random slut from a bar.

If a woman, especially your wife, outright tells you, “This particular sexual act hurts. I’m not enjoying it. I don’t want to do it,” that just might not be a shit test. That particular sex act might hurt, and she might not be enjoying it.

If this is your wife, for cripes sake, you don’t say, “Oh, screw that. I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want with your body because I’m a manly man Red Pill alpha. I know that when you tell me something hurts and ask me to stop it, it’s totally because you don’t respect me as a man and I have to do it even harder to show you how manly I am and how I don’t take your shit!”

Just do another sexual act! If your wife is actually doing sexual stuff with you, even though she just had a baby, but just doesn’t want to do particular sexual acts because they’re physically uncomfortable to her raw, ravaged, baby-ridden body, go with it.

Now if your wife cuts you off entirely, far beyond what is reasonable given that you guys have a newborn (and having your first kid is a huge adjustment, so I’d err in that direction), you need to man up a bit. But not by grabbing her against her will as she begs you not to do something. By being a badass that she’s afraid of losing.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-11-24T17:29:29+00:00

You can't have sex for 6 weeks after the baby. What is the point of touching her breasts? Do you want to get some of that baby milk?

I do think that it is THIS period of time- the 6 weeks after the baby- that women use to seize control of the relationship. There is a built in period where they can't have sex and where they are totally focused on their nipples/breast milk production/baby bullshit. The man backs off.

Then, 10 weeks later when they have stopped having sex the woman is COMPLETELY in charge. SHE decides when, where, and how much. SHE is now in charge and her "man" is a mere accessory. I have seen married guys TERRIFIED to initiate sex for YEARS after the baby. MOST relationships never recover. Cue the "I love you but I'm not in love with you speech."

I think it is in this period that men need to take a stand. You have power. She is not working and is basically dependent on the man to take care of her. Use it. She might not be able to fuck but there is nothing wrong with her fucking mouth. Try using it for something other than spouting venom and honeydo lists.

fnordsnord · 2014-11-25T16:07:10+00:00

Invitation only? Screw that.

However - as has been mentioned, this is your WIFE and the mother of your child. She gets more slack than a bar pickup. Often women's sex drive drops to zero after giving birth. (I've got a friend who took three YEARS to get her mojo back.)

But "my breasts are invitation only?" Hell-to-the-no.

Give her some space during the early phases of nursing. But never stop coming up behind her and gently cupping her breasts occasionally.

If she says "no," let go, say ok. And come back to it later.

UEMcGill · 2014-11-26T14:48:02+00:00

Don't deny your sexuality even in the face of your wife's line in the sand. It's ok to respect that they're sore, and having three kids myself I can tell you they're were times I couldn't look at my wife's boobs. So don't let up on the touchy feely. Kino and escalate, but respect the pain. Use it to tell her how hot she is, and womanly, etc.

A couple of "medical" things for you, if you must touch, wait until after a feeding. Nothing worse than instigating a "let-down" before the feeding. Nursing causes a huge flow of oxytocin. So you're fighting a chemicals battle. Oxytocin is a hormone that promotes a feeling of well being, it's also present after sex. It causes uterine contractions and will help her loose that baby bump. Good news is, so do orgasms. Science also indicates that high levels of oxytocin fight postpartum depression.

Don't shut off your sexuality. Keep it out front, and remind your wife you're a sexual being, but understand you may be fighting an uphill battle.

glichman1 · 2014-11-26T17:58:27+00:00

hi. I understand how its killing you not being able to touch something you love so much, which has got even better over the last 9 months. I couldn't go anywhere near my wife's breasts when she was breastfeeding, she has small ones and for them to be a grabable size was mouth watering, but they were too sore when laden with milk and that was the end of that.

it is early days and wouldn't read too much into it, I like the post about going somewhere without a word when you're refused but perhaps wait a bit. Perhaps allow the 'invitation only' to be for a limited time only.

what I don't get is why for someone who had a healthy sex life she's so self conscious about her breasts (especially after marriage). Women (as far as i know) love for them to grabbed , kissed, licked....and why the change after marriage.

norcaligirl · 2014-11-26T19:04:30+00:00

Is your long term goal to have open breast play with her?

I suspect that for her the breast play is a turn off. Everybody has different ways they like to be touched sexually and it sounds like this one is in the red for her.

One solution would be to work on this when she is really aroused. This worked for us. I don't like having oral performed on me- never have- it was a turn OFF. However we gradually worked on it when things were really hot and heavy and it gradually became something that wasn't a turn on but didn't turn me off either and became much more common for us.

In response to her line you could side step it- don't touch , but verbally comment on them and what you would like to do. Stare wontonly and lick your lips etc (all done with light hearted cockiness). When she says something - well you haven't touched have you? These are just examples and I'm really not good at this- but the point would be to make her rule feel ridiculous while keeping sex on the front burner.

GunsGermsAndSteel · 2014-12-07T16:11:41+00:00

It's entirely possible that she just does not like her breasts and wants to forget about them. Many people are very insecure about specific parts of their body. You see a nice rack but she might see that the nipples look funny or one boob is slightly smaller than the other. It's almost certainly NOT about you.

iloveairplane · 2014-11-24T18:55:05+00:00

btw - no we are not having sex right now - waiting for 6 weeks. It is not our first child - so in the past we have had sex right on the 6 week mark after she gets the ok from the doc.

I am definitely not doing anything to harm her or cause her pain. She is giving me a line (truth or just hamster bs?) that she doesn't like the changes in her body and is not comfortable with her nursing breasts. Fine with me, she doesn't have to look at them or touch them. I would like to look at them and touch them (so long as they are not painful).

My post is mostly to explore the "this is by invitation only" comment. I thought when we got married that we were basically going all-in for our spouse - why the heck would she have to invite me again? If she is going to play an invitation only game - how should I respond without being PASSIVE AGRESSIVE, or looking resentful or tit-for-tat (no pun intended).

brendeho · 2014-11-24T17:26:56+00:00

yes, grab those nipples and pinch them and twist. Not enough for pain, but enough for pleasure. while having sex. You may need to wait a few more weeks though after the baby and all... not sure what the timelapse is on natural birth vs c-section.

But the overall sentiment would be to ignore her invitation only thing, and grab them anyways. best of luck for those boobs, kinda weird as women always complain about a lack of boob massaging by men in general.

Title	invitation only
Author	iloveairplane
Upvotes	1
Comments	38
Date	November 24, 2014 5:16 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2na1ei/invitation_only/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/invitation-only.202867 https://theredarchive.com/post/202867

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