Married friends?

jacktenofhearts · 2016-03-01T07:12:09+00:00

I blew my word quota for the next couple days on the last guy, so this is gonna be short.

Father and provider doesn't get you any points. When you say this, you're saying the only value you bring to your marriage is... raising your own offspring and bringing home a paycheck. Whoa. No other man has ever done that! A job and he raises how own kids? I have no idea how your wife's panties aren't drenched every time that direct deposit hits your bank account.
Snark aside, seriously, that gets you zero points. You're just pissed because you've assumed your commitment to monogamy means a robust sex life and that hasn't happened. If your weeks mainly consist of going to work, parenting, watching TV, and grumping about various weekend obligation, well, start there. You're boring, man. You weren't boring when you met your wife, if only for the novelty of meeting someone new, but also because you probably went to concerts and took hiking trips and hung out with a diverse and interesting group of friends. Then you got older, let the typical commitments of shit like a career, home ownership, and children eat away at all that, and not you're just a grumpy husk of your former self who feels entitled to sex with his wife.
Well, what about her effort, right? She's not the hot fun thing you met all those years ago either. Why do you have to put in all the effort? You don't. For her. I would love for my wife to say, "pretend I'm single" because I would have just paused and said, "OK. In my head, you want me to think you're single, so we're not married. Let me think about that for awhile. Let's go to bed." Then I would have jotted down some notes for my future MAP in a notebook, turned out the lights, and passed out. Assume she's single? Well, that literally, by definition, means you have to assume you're single too.
Which is actually what your wife wants. She said it with the typical female solipsism that's no stranger to Red Pill, and it probably didn't occur to her that this will mean stepping up her game as well, but it will. Because now you're going to figure out how to start putting together those building blocks of your life you had back when you were single and desirable. It's not going to be a 1-1 replication, but start by cutting out that boring TV time after the kids are in bed. Watch the TV shows you like with your wife, let her watch the ones you don't by herself. Do you normally watch bad TV shows you don't like with your friends?
Your wife might start perceiving some distance. She might get whiny or annoying or anxious, and even say "this isn't what I meant." But, see, part of your MAP should involve Play. Playing sports, playing woodworking, playing happy hour with your buddies. Your wife asking to "be friends and assume I'm single" is her saying, remember when we used to Play together? Because a life with some play and recreation makes it very easy to blur the lines of sexuality in your marriage, because what is sex if not Play? She's tired of feeling like sex is some discrete, scheduled block of time she needs to commit, lest you start whiny about the sex you're owed because of your paycheck. Framed like that, maybe her suggestion doesn't sound so shitty, right?
So when she starts getting upset and anxious, it may be a Shit Test, but it's probably just a Shitty Comfort Tests. She wants to Play... with you, but you seem to just be Playing on your own and she's jealous. You can snark at her HOW ABOUT THEM APPLES BITCH... Or tell her to meet you at 9pm this Friday at [nearest cool hotel bar]. Tell her you'll get someone to babysit the kids and you'll meet her there straight from work. And tell her if she shows up in her favorite cocktail dress and has a Macallan 12, one cube, waiting for you, you'll Play with her.
Go to the gym after work, hit the vanity muscles - what's what Friday workouts are for, right? - shower and change in the locker room. You don't need to do the whole stranger role-play thing. Park your car in the hotel valet, enjoy a drink or three and stumble home in an Uber and, then, you can finally try initiating with your wife. Any other sex you try and have until this point will be Whiny Beta Entitled initiating, so don't bother.
Wake up the next day. Invite her to take a shower with you. Then tell her you're going to take an Uber back to the hotel to get your car, and run some (really annoying errand you've been putting off for awhile). Tell her you can't wait to have those omelettes when you get back. What omelettes? You want me to make us omelettes? Exactly. Repairing dry wall for sex, that's negotiating desire. Repairing dry wall for omelettes, that's not a bad deal. I really like omelettes, though.

This is phrased as a simple set of steps, but there was several assumptions here. If you don't have the financial or logistical means you afford some expensive drinks or arrange babysitting, then no wonder your wife isn't fucking you. You life isn't just boring, it's boring and stressful. It's very easy to turn Money into Improvement and Play. You get the latter and you don't need to whine about how your paycheck makes you entitled to anything, because you're spending it on what you want. You're single, remember?

All this shit on Facebook, "marrying your best friend," blah blah blah, is only fucking annoying if you take it hyperliterally. Because any photo you see always has that couple in a tropical waterfall, or salsa dancing, or enjoying a picnic. And that's all pretty contrived, but all those things are Play.

There's probably some early date with your wife, back when she was your girlfriend, where you went to go see a movie, but it was sold out, so you had three hours to kill, and you decided to drive to another town that had a Dunkin Donuts because you had a craving for their coffee. And then your wife had to take a leak every 20 minutes during the movie so she never actually knew how The Departed ended, which is why she bought you the DVD for your birthday and a Dunkin Donuts gift card, which you thought was funny and sweet.

Then you watched the movie that weekend... and had sex. Probably just a coincidence though, that she enjoyed having sex when you guys were having a lot more fun and sharing a lot more enjoyment in your lives. She must have been ovulating, or was all hot and bothered because of her Martin Sheen fetish. They was probably it.

Seriously though. All those annoying Facebook posts, it's not about waterfalls and picnics man. It's about Play, in whatever way you want. She used to like playing with you. Can't imagine it's that hard for her to like playing with you again.

alpha_n3rd · 2016-03-01T15:23:23+00:00

My wife asked if we could not have sex for 6 months. I told her "sure if I'm still single at the end of 6 mos give me a call."

needless to say we had sex that night

cj_aubrey · 2016-03-01T05:41:25+00:00

she envied people on fucking Facebook that always posted about being married to their best friend

Due to her lack of sexual availability, you've taken away your emotional availability, which is what she cares about.

Then she said, "let's be friends, assume I'm on the market but only you know it."

She can't fuck you if she's not attracted to you and she's trying to get back to a previous state where she was attracted. The problem is that the state she is trying to go back to (early courtship) was hot for her because of the threat of you sleeping with other women and her loosing you. What level of dread are you working on?

fakefalse · 2016-03-01T04:05:35+00:00

Feels like your shouting into a mirror. But that's okay. You need to vent and get it out.

First off. That was not a quick question. I'm being flippant, but also setting the mood.

You said too much. You negotiated with her. You explained yourself and had a discussion. It's hard to STFU. I still trip on this at times.

But take solace in knowing that I see the awakening in your words. You are alive inside and you are trying to put your foot down.

It's been this shitty relationship for a long time, so it's gonna take a long time to get back on track. Be patient.

Improve on yourself. She will either get onboard or she won't. Get yourself healthy and fit so you can choose to be with her or move on if she doesn't.

Now read and lift.

DukeFrosty · 2016-03-01T04:17:12+00:00

Or is it a legitimate cry to be gamed and courted?

You should always be gaming your wife. "Courted"? Wtf is this shit.

Hard to answer any of this without more info. What dread level are you up to with her? How's your body? Lifting routine? Do you do interesting shit? Would anyone else fuck you right now? If not, why should she?

il-est-ressuscite · 2016-03-01T12:55:26+00:00

I think your wife, and everyone else for that matter, should accept the immutable law that people who rave about the fabulous quality of their lives on social media really don't have such a fabulous quality of life as they're so busy documenting it rather than living it.

I'd say a good portion of the women rhapsodizing about their "best friends" are instead thinking about how soon they can divorce the motherfucker they're married to or spend his life insurance money on a trip to a really Instagram worthy place.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-03-01T04:44:49+00:00

She got really mad and said I was stupid that we would be friends and the sex would come later, that it was implied.

How about....no. You may want to wait on the sex given what you describe. I would initiate then when shot down I would fucking leave. SHE gets mad because you don't want to accept her promise of future, negotiated sex. Good luck with that. How about instead FUCK THAT all to Hell and back.

is it a legitimate cry to be gamed and courted?

It was a legitimate shit test to be destroyed and disregarded.

The real question is why are you second guessing yourself?

GargantuaBlarg29 · 2016-03-01T13:02:56+00:00

About the Facebook comment. 1) Women buy into that dumb Facebook feel good shit all the time. I'd wager AT LEAST 50% of her friends posting that shit go through this thought process: "oh look what Maggie posted, she's so happy she's best friends with her hubby. I wish I could say the same. I mean we do kinda get along, and go places now and then. He's like the guy friend I hang out with the most. Other girls would likely get a little jealous if they saw me posting something like this which would in significantly move me up the social ladder for about 20 seconds...I'll post it too."

So she probably honestly believes this shit but like a passing fad next week she'll be posting about Kony 2015. 2) Read the post again. All the wives' husbands are their best friend. Best friend. Guess what that doesn't make them....their lover...their Chad...their fuck buddy. I've actually seen this very Facebook post...and that was my first thought. Those poor souls, best friend =/= getting fucked.

Onto the fight. You fucked up with the "that's stupid" reply. You not only bought into the idea that what she's saying has some kind of intellectual merit, but took the opposite side and thus set yourself right up for an arguement. IF you really are lifting and improving, you can pass this off for what it really is...nonsense...by replying with something to the effect of (disinterested sarcastic tone) "hmmm...sounds like quite a problem". The reason I preface with the fact that youre improving is that in her head...she'll see that you don't really buy into that, that you're not going to be shamed, but at the same time she's thinking "but he's been changing recently, getting more manly, more in charge, I can't shake his frame with this...what's he got up his sleeve?". IF, however, you're not improving, then prepare for hell because not only do you look like a waste of space in her eyes, but you seem to have no intention to change...not even to her distorted view of reality. You're not her Chad, you're not even her friend. You'd be one step closer to her running off.

The hardest part about swallowing the pill is that you have to go slow. By going slow she likely won't pick up that you're improving right away. This means you're best reply in a scenario like this would just be to STFU...but this would make things slightly worse. It's the agony of knowing you have the solution, you're working on the solution, but have to endure things getting worse before they get better that make people go hard and fast and nuke their relationship. I'm not sure where you are or how long you've been at it so what I just said may not apply...but if you have been at it awhile it seems you're lacking confidence to A&A and deflect her shit test here...and/or she's not seeing improvement yet. The "pretend I'm single" bullshit is just her "solution" to her view of you. It's a shitty solution...but she's grasping at straws and trying the newest fix-your-marriage fad she has found. She's trying to negotiate desire by setting hoops for you to jump through...but what she may or may not know is that if you jump through them...she won't be attracted enough to you for sex because...well...you're a trained monkey at that point.

Finally...I'd like to know how YOU think you should have responded. It's great you're catching some of what she's dishing out as negotiation and promises of sex...but can you come up with an RP educated response on what you should have done? Well...I just gave you one...but next time jot YOUR solution down first. Because eventually you need to make these calls fast on the fly.

Redneck001 · 2016-03-01T14:22:15+00:00

Namely that she envied people on fucking Facebook that always posted about being married to their best friend and that she felt she didn't have that.

Translation: Get back in that box I keep you in. This self improvement nonsense is making me nervous, and I feel I'm losing control over my Provider. If you get back in the box, I'll offer some implied sex that will likely never happen.

Now, your "that's stupid" comment was unnecessary, but I wouldn't worry about it. It's a natural reaction to what you correctly perceived as bullshit. And that stuff about "being friends and single" is begging for some teasing.

She rattled your frame, bro. Just keep improving.

I wouldn't consider this a failure, just a momentary loss of frame. Fuck it, we all make mistakes.

~~I don't want to be your friend,~~ I'm not interested in being your girlfriend, I ~~want~~ need a ~~wife,~~ lover ~~and sex~~.

But I'm just nitpicking.

Edit: OP will continue to be tested. All of us will continue to be tested. Next tests will look like:

*We don't communicate anymore.

*You only use me for sex.

*You don't appreciate me.

*We should take a __ day break from sex.

*Blah blah.

She will literally throw everything in her arsenal at keeping/regaining control of OP.

When OP is firing on all cylinders, OP's wife will then talk about how happy they are in their relationship, and how she fixed it. Nod, smile, and enjoy your life.

PurpleVeteran · 2016-03-01T16:12:40+00:00

Then she said, "let's be friends, assume I'm on the market but only you know it."

"Sure. Let's be friends, and assume that I'm also on the market."

[deleted] · 2016-03-01T17:40:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

dredpillman · 2016-03-01T14:59:54+00:00

Friend = she wants you to play with her that is what gives her tingles. This is not a choreplay. This is gaming your wife. Tease her. Swat her ass. Tell her jokes. Go for walks with her. Literally play games with her (cards, board games, physical games etc). Make half serious half silly bets on anything (sports teams or what the dog does nest) with a silly reward like loser has to wash the toilet or make popcorn or whatever. Play it up and gloat (in a silly over the top way) or lose graciously in a silly way - my week is over! kill me now. Get some competition going that builds tension, tensions = tingles. RP is not just Stoic, Rock, Leader, Provider. Remember that women crave drama so create some artificial drama by doing fun exciting things together.

DanG3 · 2016-03-01T16:46:53+00:00

Redneck nailed it. The Princess feels something is happening at the foundations of her throne. Keep doing what you are doing, but STFU about it and what you "want." Women are most attracted to men whom they notice other women want and whom they feel they must attract to acquire or keep. Be that guy. They are least attracted to men who chase them, try to please them for approval or whom they have locked down. Dont be that guy - no matter what she tells you!

stonepimpletilists · 2016-03-01T15:38:22+00:00

Answer: STFU

Too short, don't understand(TSDU); 2 things. (3 sorta, but that doesn't sound like a main event, no one cried, no extreme comfort tests. any discussion/fight isn't a main event. Either that or mine was truly epic)

1, your wife getting envy on facebook is a retarded frame, and I don't know why you encourage it. Basing your lifes wishes by comparing everyone elses highlight reel (combined) against your blooper reel is emotional 'keeping up with the jonses'. 2, she spoke you listened, and then you judge your willingness and ability to cater them.

Do you think it's a valid concern? If so, do you have a plan to deal with it? Do you not? Then why aren't you shutting down this shit/comfort test down and implementing your own, superior vision?

So what should I respond to this? Is it a legitimate path to rebuild the relationship or simply AWALT behavior? Don't pull punches, I'm here to learn not be coddled.

Sure you are. you had a woman with a frame talking, you present a man with no frame and no clue. So you come here, so other guys can tell you what to do.

Tell you what, I normally just tell you some bullshit, since you just want someone to tell you what to do, then I make a joke, asking if you want me to fuck her as well, instead...

I put me in this situation, what would I do?

Soon as she goes on about facebook envy, laugh for the reasons I stated above. She gives the LJBF speech. I laugh again, tell her that friends don't get houses (the one thing I agree with stephan molynoux with) then go off and hit the gym/hang out with friends/go read at starbucks/cry by myself in the truck/be awesome, or not.

Come home, have a shower, act as if nothing is wrong. She wants excitement? Bam, drama and tingles. I don't tell her I want her as a sextoy first, and a friend as a delightful side benefit, I act that way. Depending on how much/little value she provides, this can go on to an ultimatecad level of "me first" or not.

she doesn't know what she wants... A Friend? fuck off, I'm busy with friends, your role is different. I don't say anything, but I act appropriately.

hence, the first word of this post.

theultmatecad · 2016-03-01T18:44:38+00:00

All signs in this FR point to eventual success.

Sure, someone could write a three page analysis and advice but there just as well may be two puppets:

Bitch: What happened to my pet beta?

Man: Its my way or the highway. I want you, but I dont give a shit.

Bitch : OMG..I cant fuck this up. Ill be alone, broke, and replaced with some new bitch.. Let me suck your dick!

MRPguy · 2016-03-01T17:04:18+00:00

Namely that she envied people on fucking Facebook that always posted about being married to their best friend and that she felt she didn't have that.

What she does, not what she says. No woman wants to be married to a best friend. All of her friends saying that is hamster speak to qualify their poor life decisions and their unhappiness with their marriage.

throwawaypille · 2016-03-07T15:00:45+00:00

The whole Facebook thing, my best friend from college has a wife who never stops posting shit about her hubby and best friend, you know the drill. He is a great husband and father. He makes serious money as a sales guy in Chicago for a big multinational. In his favour he is a can do outgoing type of guy. He is too fat though, however women love him as he is a charmer. However he as zero dread. He is very religious and believes adultery is wrong under any circumstances, so would never cheat on his wife or even give any hint of it. We were talking recently and I mentioned we had sex 3 times in one day last week (post RP of course - 3 times a year before it). He nearly started crying on the phone and told me they hardly ever had sex.

Last Christmas he cooked the whole Christmas dinner with all the trimmings, and again the wife was all over FB about her wonderful husband. I replied "I hope he got properly rewarded for it afterwards ;) ;)" No reply. She's TOO FUCKING COMFORTABLE ....

Title	Married friends?
Author	Icemanwannabe
Upvotes	31
Comments	43
Date	March 1, 2016 3:56 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/48edvp/married_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/married-friends.200286 https://theredarchive.com/post/200286

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