Nothing works

geezertrp · 2015-03-14T12:32:18+00:00

Okay, so here's the thing. If you are really, really, putting TRP principles into play and she's not responding...

Either your perceived SMV is lower than hers (that is, you might have raised it to be objectively higher, but she does not realize it) or you are fundamentally incompatible and it's grating on her. That happens. I like to say sometimes your first mate is competent, but unhappy, being the mate on a cruise liner, but she'd be totally fulfilled as first mate on a barefoot charter. Different strokes.

But this is a case where keeping it compact does not help you, since we need more detail. You really might have more work to do. Most of the stories I've heard where the guy calls the divorce bluff in a calm, stoic, TRP manner, either it's a huge turning point towards fixing the marriage, or it's obvious that it's not fixable. You seem to have just gone back to square one.

Maybe you're not really keeping frame, and you need to do more "telling, not asking" calmly but firmly. Maybe you need to get her out and interact with other women in front of her to raise your subjective SMV. Maybe you are doing everything right, and it still won't work. TRP principles work most of the time, but nothing is 100%.

We need more info to help you...

RBuddDwyer · 2015-03-14T11:31:08+00:00

Dread.

Dominate her more.

exbp · 2015-03-14T13:57:45+00:00

She either thinks you have no options or doesn't care if you leave. If you think things are over then use this time to start flirting with other women, practice your game. The social proof and preselection you have right now are valuable in getting attention from other women. Implement the rest of RP for yourself and I bet the wife responds, if she doesn't you're ready to start with someone else.

My neighbor and his wife had a deadbedroom for 10 years and she told anyone who would listen that they were platonic, separated, staying for the kids, he was a momma's boy, etc. She also fucked a few guys on the side. The instant she found out he was dating she responded with lots of sex, affection and telling everyone they were working it out. He'll probably screw it up because he knows no RP but...

theultmatecad · 2015-03-14T16:32:30+00:00

some relationships are not fixable. keep improving yourself and there def will be a new woman who would be thrilled to have you.

seems that she backed down from her bluff so we know she wants to avoid separating -- thats where I'd push now... she get angry, you yawn. Leave. Start spending night out at a friends and dont tell her where you are. "I have alot on my mind... I'll be home in the morning"

TheGreasyPole · 2015-03-14T16:20:05+00:00

I think the crux may have been the divorce conversations... Followed by your back down from that.

At that point she learnt that "no matter whether I perceive him as hotter or not, he had a chance to leave and turned it down. If he was genuinely higher value (alpha). He'd have gone. Therefore despute the evidence of my eyes he must be lower value than me".

Are you following a MAP ? Remember that part of MMSLP where athol says "if you get to phase 4/5 and back down, you get sent back to phase 1" this may have happened to you.

You can seek guidance from the MMSLP team (for free) on their forum. Google "mmsl forum". They are highly experienced on offering advice in beginner situations. Particularly if that beginner is already running a map. There is lots of good advice there... If a poster called the_dude drops by, do everything he says without question. He's rarely wrong.

Edit: just realised I may have read your post wrong. Where are you after the divorce conversations ? I read it as that it was on the table and you backed off. Is that right ?

rediscover03 · 2015-03-14T16:52:57+00:00

If you're saying "I don't give a fuck about anything" - that's a bad sign. Sounds like she gets to you. I go through that stage too - and then I smile and remind myself, our job as men is never done. This is outcome independence. She comes along and sees how fucking awesome of a fucking catch you are - great. Let her partake and let the two of you gave tons of fun. She does not see it and is a bitch who is not interested - cut her loose, and again: great. It won't be easy but then again who said life is supposed to be easy. The idea is you're the captain of your own ship and you SHOULD care about where you take your life/boat.

It'd be interesting to know why what she says as reason for asking /threatening for divorce? What in her mind is she unhappy over? And was she ever hot for you and do you know there's is something there ? As others said - we need more info. It could be she is outright not interested/ not compatible, or that you need to drum up your (active) beta and do it in a nonchalant way that doesn't communicate: "look, I am being a good boy".

In my case, I just doing laundry (first time in freakin 7years!) and it's liberating in a way. I am REALLY getting to the point where I do not need her and I could be a single dad if I needed to. That's my goal. I am the one who is getting ready for divorce (mentally and materially) in the background, should that indeed be a future path. Are you doing the same? Basically are you in your mind convinced that you're going to be happy no matter what? whether she wants to take part in it or not.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-03-14T19:21:23+00:00

Do you have a positive affirming frame? Are you the fun, upbeat, positive guy who is unfazed by her bullshit?

You should begin to link the sharing of that positive frame (which she claims to want) with her sexual availability and treatment of you. If she wants to be a screechtard harpy then I would listen to it for NO MORE than about 1/2 hour a night. Give her some positive affirmations. (try) to take her in your arms and reassure her.

And if she wants to keep bitching, leave for the rest of the night and go hang with some bros. I think that is what you are missing, positive male contact. Hit up old H.S. buddies from Facebook or make friends with some dudes at martial arts- but have a place to go when she wants to be a bitch.

Eventually she will want to be "nice" and that is when you give her your full attention and affirmations.

Also, how long have you been at this? You say a year lifting, but lots of meatheads have no clue about frame or responding to Shit Tests. Are you doing that? Have you read the TRP sidebar on Shit Tests?

BluepillProfessor · 2015-03-14T17:35:57+00:00

Onward to dread level six.

flyingaardvark · 2015-03-15T06:34:33+00:00

Athol Kay wrote that following the MAP would get you more sex, but he couldn't say it would be with your current wife. Sometimes a wife simply can't get her tingles back, no matter what you do. Doing the MAP is no guarantee for a current wife, but will set you up for other relationships.

WingsnLV · 2015-03-14T16:27:41+00:00

TRP is a general outlook on sexual strategy. While on the macro level it may produce results, there are also exceptions. You have red MMSLP so you probably remember the part that states that part of the process might lead you to the conclusion that your wife will not change. Her mental state may not be there enough for anything to work. You have to seriously be indifferent to her leaving you, and you have to be prepared to leave if nothing changes despite your best efforts.

ufd · 2015-03-14T18:20:35+00:00

that's something she whines about a lot in our discussions

Why are you having discussions?

Honest question. What are you discussing that each time it's discussed, that she brings it up?

Less talk, more do.

You say you've read MMSLP. Do you have an Action Plan, complete with an end game?

UEMcGill · 2015-03-14T19:13:22+00:00

She whines you don't give her good feelingz?!? FUCK HER. I don't mean that literally either. Not your job. Tell her "yeah I can't make you feel better that's up to you" and disconnect the emotional hose.

If your doing everything right and she still isn't invested, then it's time to move the on. Sometimes it's not you, it's her. Move on and upgrade.

Countpudyoola · 2015-03-16T14:22:02+00:00

One thing to remember if it's getting to you: Divorce talk without papers in hand mean nothing. She may even amp that up as you self improve and do things without her.

Keep working on your MAP. It sounds like relationship wise YOU are on the right path , but it's still preliminary to affecting your relationship.

I dont give a fuck about anything

Here's your energy to harness. Some guys get angry, others apathetic.

Anger will motivate you to do things like lift, get out of the house, leave when you notice a shit test, make plans for a life without her (actually giving her real reason to feel some actual dread).

Apathy imo will let you be more analytical and critical of all of her shit tests. It takes the sting out of complaints and threats.

I'd say truly start working towards how you would live without her. Still having kid time, make that more quality and less quantity. Be super dad. I'd go so far as to build an exit strategy since she like to throw around divorce.

Go buy some new clothes , and when I was starting out someone else (/u/theultmatecad maybe? ) suggested NEW UNDERWEAR. Get a pair of boxers that'll make her go "Who the fuck is he buying these for?". And if she brings it up "Oh, you know, just you and (make up hookerish/stripper sounding name). I promise to wash her slobber off for our date nights" with a smile. Whatever amused mastery fits your personality.

Your situation still sounds like it's in it's infancy , and with her fully entrenched. So just make sure you aren't overextending and try anything you can't sell 100%. Keep reading , keep taking a rp critical eye to every move she's making and disengage ANY time you feel like you're losing self-control or aren't doing something right. It's always better to say too little than too much as well as have a lot less time with her than more.

She'll either be there at the end , with you two having a good relationship, or you'll be better set up for the next chapter of your life. The current game plan stays the same.

jamoni22 · 2015-03-14T13:36:49+00:00

Sounds like she's the husband, and you are the wife, and she hates that. I'm going to guess that she makes as much or more money than you.

Sepean · 2015-03-14T12:33:24+00:00

How is your beta? Are you applying yourself with your career, kids, house maintenance? When I quit porn, gaming and facebook and started fixing stuff on the house and doing stuff with the kids, and when my wive's friends started telling her "you're so lucky to have a man like that" that things changed

Title	Nothing works
Author	ImWorkingOnItOk
Upvotes	13
Comments	33
Date	March 14, 2015 10:39 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2z0b6c/nothing_works/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/nothing-works.202354 https://theredarchive.com/post/202354

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