She's checking out - have I gone too far?

UEMcGill · 2016-09-12T18:57:20+00:00

Just to let you know, this has been reported as low effort. By me.

Clean it up. Tell the story, where are you at? What's your goal?

Who fucking cares if she checks out? Fuck her that's her problem. You tell me, why you should care about it?

BluepillProfessor · 2016-09-13T14:49:03+00:00

I think this is a case of all sour and no sweet. The point of STFU is, in part, to condition your wife to expect no reinforcement (from you) when she is acting badly.

Time for another book excerpt:

SHIT TEST RESPONSES IN MARRIAGE

IGNORE

The most common way to pass a Shit Test in a marriage is to simply ignore it. Don’t get drawn into her emotional drama. Let her reflect and feel- you just need to remain the calm and stoic man. You IGNORE a Shit Test because you should not be fazed by her emotional stress and drama and you need to get to a place where you actually enjoy it because it amuses you. If you can maintain your good humor and calm, confident poise then you pass the Shit Test and nothing more needs to be done. Of course you cannot ignore your wife all of the time, but you can certainly ignore her when she is not behaving in the way that you desire, especially if she is behaving like a bratty teenager. Pick your battles and gradually mold your wife’s behavior using what psychologists call “Conditioning and Extinction.”

To summarize an entire psychology degree in a paragraph, REWARD good behavior, IGNORE bad behavior. Any time a behavior is followed by a reward that behavior tends to increase. However, when all the rewards are removed from a behavior (aka “Extinction” in psychology) as when you ignore her and refuse to react, then something interesting happens. First the behavior increases, as if they are trying to force the reward they have been expecting and denied, and THEN the behavior steadily decreases over time. This works with hamsters, rats, mice, slugs, fecal bacteria, and human females. For further research or if you want to confirm these simple facts google “Reinforcement and Extinction” and “Operant Conditioning.”

Let us break this down with an example from the mother of all Shit Tests- denial of sex. Your wife refuses sex for the 10th time that month. You are frustrated and angry. Think real hard what could be the possible reinforcers (“rewards”) your wife is receiving from your obvious disappointment? As cruel as it sounds, this is the hard truth. Many, many wives who have lost attraction would rather enjoy the disappointment, and yes, the pain they can inflict on their husband over any pleasure she might have by actually having sex with him. Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, and the power to affect others and to control other human beings is immensely pleasurable.

I start out each podcast with a short religious or philosophical discussion of the question of whether a woman’s soul was actually created below for a very good reason. Therefore, the solution is to ignore her with a stoic, calm resolve. By ignoring the denying behavior, you will probably temporarily increase it (i.e. you will get denied even more at first) but over time the denials will decrease and you will thus increase your sex frequency.

Remove all the reinforcers from the denying behavior by ignoring it completely and not reacting to it.

We always advise men that the first place to go in their journey of self-improvement is to begin attending services at the Iron Temple. That means you need to GO LIFT WEIGHTS sooner rather than later. Level 1 and 2 go together, and you should spend at least two months on these two levels before you consider going to Level 3. Begin to lift HEAVY weights and build some muscle in place of that belly. Once you start to get in shape- I mean really in shape- the benefits are immeasurable. You feel better. Your testosterone increases Your confidence increases. You look better. Plus, when you are a regular at the gym, NOW you have a place to go any time you are frustrated and angry.

GO LIFT, DON’T REWARD BAD BEHAVIOR BY REACTING TO IT. Be the strong, masculine, stoic man who is unfazed by her emotional adventures and do not give her the victory by reacting negatively when she denies sex.

HOWEVER....you have to also include an alternative to being ignored/punished.

First you should reset the clock EVERY SINGLE DAY. Start out each day as if nothing has happened. Be a positive, affirming presence and try to draw her into your upbeat frame. If it doesn't work, go back to STFU. The next day, try again, and so on.

Second, if "her take on my unwillingness to accept the shaming was that I just don't care about her at all" then perhaps you need to show that you DO care? There are several techniques we use, some as simple as a warm hug, and paying attention to her while she prattles on for a few minutes.

Also, the 10 second kiss. Try it when things cool down as they will any minute now- provided you can hold your frame. Otherwise they will calm down for a day or so and then the Shit Tests will start again twice as bad.

TLDR: LEAD YOUR WIFE INTO A BETTER FRAME BY BEING UPBEAT AND POSITIVE, NOT A NEGATIVE NANCY. USE STFU TO AVOID FUCKING UP AND TO PUNISH BAD BEHAVIOR.

Scurvemuch · 2016-09-12T19:31:02+00:00

This time it was "can you go plug in my tablet?" and I responded with "no but I've got something else I want to plug in". This literally prompted a half-week's silent treatment leading up to the discussion about how I'm degrading and gross. I accepted that and apologized for the implication - cause I really wasn't trying to degrade, just joke about sex - and it's just gone downhill from there.

This is a symptom of feeling very very disgusted about letting you fuck her precious lil charging port.

I mean... fuck... if I had to make jokes like that to get laid... id call myself a bitch too...

seriously dude... this is classic

she doesn't want you ...

she wishes she did.. maybe.

BobbyPeru · 2016-09-12T21:15:04+00:00

I'm guessing you're fairly new or haven't been reading... or both.

"can you go plug in my tablet?" and I responded with "no but I've got something else I want to plug in".

Very shitting attempt at AM. Your best bet is to stick with STFU until you can build your frame. By the way, that's where I am. But, I'm getting good at STFU, and it's a very effective tool for starting. Don't try AM and AA until you can get good at STFU.

(days later when we finally talked) that I'd own my actions but not her feelings.

Again, STFU was your best move here. After a couple minutes, change the subject.

anotherswingingdick · 2016-09-13T04:28:59+00:00

Her ring's disappeared

....and you didn't already kick her out of the house?

Now she knows that you are 100% pussy

logger1234 · 2016-09-13T17:51:17+00:00

"This time it was "can you go plug in my tablet?" and I responded with "no but I've got something else I want to plug in". This literally prompted a half-week's silent treatment leading up to the discussion about how I'm degrading and gross."

This tells me you are going too fast - trying to act alpha when she sees you as low value. Continue to STFU, lift, develop value-adding hobbies, take care of business at home, develop socially lifting activities. Keep trying. Be aware of where you are on your MAP.

Bread_Pilled · 2016-09-12T18:48:12+00:00

If the effort expended on this post is indicative of the effort spent in your relationship, one cannot blame her for wanting to check out.

Scurvemuch · 2016-09-12T18:43:45+00:00

I mean... I know I could...

I have no idea what actually happened with your life... but I have a feeling that if you are getting shit over an off color joke, and it wasn't in front of a kid or her parents or something, and you are here telling us about it in a half ass way...

I'd say you probably cant. not that an average guy couldn't . Just you.

because you suck.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-09-12T19:01:04+00:00

Isn't she supposed to be the one to vent online about her feelings?

UEM is right, you're asking for guesswork

FistFullOfBitches · 2016-09-12T19:14:53+00:00

This time it was "can you go plug in my tablet?" and I responded with "no but I've got something else I want to plug in". This literally prompted a half-week's silent treatment leading up to the discussion about how I'm degrading and gross. I accepted that and apologized for the implication -

Good response (from the right guy, I'm guessing you're not yet him). And then you go on to admit that SHE gets to decide for you that you're degrading and gross, and apologize for that. Because, you know, being a man and expecting to have a sexual relationship in a marriage is intrinsically degrading and gross. I hope you mentioned "You're right, honey, all sex is effectively partiarchy-sanctioned rape" too. /s.

GargantuaBlarg29 · 2016-09-12T19:44:05+00:00

Here's the deal. When you fuck up and we ask for details, we want to see that you have at least the low level intelligence to succinctly explain what you've done so far to unfuck your life, what your end goal is, what the current rub is, and what you think the solution may be.

What you've given throughout your post AND edits is random bits of information that if we were so inclined to waste our time we could speculate with. But nothing is solid. Nothing shows effort from your end. There's a lot of "I kind of do this and some of that". And it sounds like a lot is missing from the picture.

RuleZeroDAD · 2016-09-12T18:40:49+00:00

This belongs in his username.

Value leeching and nothing to go on.

Persaeus · 2016-09-12T20:25:38+00:00

Was the off color joke in front of her peers or in public> Women HATE being embarrased.

rocknrollchuck · 2016-09-13T14:19:07+00:00

OP, you should read this Every Unhappy Wife is a Rape Victim

I think it will provide some much needed perspective

goodguygonebad101 · 2016-09-12T19:13:54+00:00

Did you ask her why she isn't wearing her ring? Big Red Flag right there. And if she gives you some bullshit feminist response just tell her to get the fuck out of your house and make her own money like a real feminist would and stop leeching off you.

freshona · 2016-09-12T20:26:14+00:00

"no but I've got something else I want to plug in".

Can't think of a single instance this could be degrading. Lose the tumblrina, they're all insane.

Aechzen · 2016-09-12T23:54:16+00:00

Your silly joke about 'plugging in your tablet'... in my opinion your biggest problem isn't that you turned it into a failure of a sex joke.

The biggest problem is that you didn't want to go plug it in for her. She is perfectly capable of plugging in a tablet. Why didn't you tell her no?

I am hereby assigning you to read WISNIFG, probably for the first time. Amazon used; you can get a hardcover for about the price of shipping. Mine is a first edition and I got it for about $4.25. If it's really for the first time, start at the beginning. The relevant part to your situation comes in the last chapters, and you need to read the first ones to fully grasp why you completely failed to tell her how you actually felt.

Learn to tell her no. Then actually tell her no. Then stand steadfast, and keep telling her no. Broken record that shit.

She obviously has no problems telling you no about other things.

Tiway22 · 2016-09-13T01:31:31+00:00

Your response was perfect. Great AM. Her response means she doesnt respect you, isnt attracted to you, or both.

Keep up the AM, and lift more and eat healthier. If she doesn't adjust her attitude I think it's time you started making some new friends and turning the dread up.

bourbonhipster · 2016-09-12T22:20:29+00:00

Fucking self-diagnosed feminist. Fuck me that sounds completely dreadful. Run for your life or go Charles Manson style brainwash.

Title	She's checking out - have I gone too far?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	86
Date	September 12, 2016 6:37 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/52fw4h/shes_checking_out_have_i_gone_too_far/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/shes-checking-out-have-i-gone-too-far.199554 https://theredarchive.com/post/199554

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