The Jagged Pill

ivebeencaught · 2015-02-27T20:16:53+00:00

I remember when this happened to me, it happened somewhere between anger and depression. That gut wrenching feeling that I have been used, abused, betrayed, denial, guilt and the worst thing of all... knowing that I had no one to blame be myself.

This is when I got moody and lost frame multiple times and set back a lot of progress that I had made. Because why do I care if I am an oak for her? I don't even like what I am looking at right now. Divorce is better than staying here and putting up with this level of shit. Oh, how attractive a new start seemed, a clean slate, a new place, new job, new friends. That starting looking good.

So, I got mad and I got mean. Whenever she would nag me while I was uber-beta I would think up these really cruel responses, but not wanting to hurt her emotions I would suppress them and choke them back down. Not now, I let them loose. Every single thing that I thought, I said. Weight, hair, make-up, habits, dress, her friends, her family, they were all on the table and I let her have it. If she wanted to argue, I made sure she ran away in tears, years of pent-up rage came rushing out of my mouth.

I wish I could say that something happened to move me from this stage. But honestly there was no event, no enlightenment, there wasn't a light or anything else. I just woke up one morning and all the anger, resentment and hurt that I felt towards my wife were gone. It was a strange calm, like a spring morning after a horrible storm. My wife was still asleep, I reached over and wrapped my arms around her, I must have woken her up because her whole body stiffened. Then after a moment she must have recognized that something was different in me because she just melted and started bawling. I didn't speak, I just held her and it was like a dam broke (almost literally, the front of my shirt was soaked by the time she got control of herself). At the end of it she said,"You're back. I can feel it, you are back to who I married."

Needless to say she initiated a rather impressive sexy times. After she turned into a doe eyed teenager, she catered, was kind, any opinion I offered was the greatest thing she had ever heard. Everything that she had spent the past months shit testing me over was gone like it never happened. In an instant she gave up all the control she had been fighting with me over for months and I have never seen her happier (I think this even beat our wedding).

I couldn't believe the change that came over her and it wasn't just for the day or week. It has been months now, almost a year and she stepped into this role enthusiastically and with vigor. Adventurous in the bedroom, lost weight and exercising, organized, dedicated (Other guys that she would have flirted with in the past have become invisible, I've seen her do it when she doesn't know I am there), she has become almost obsessed with helping me achieve any goal I come up with.

Once my wife believed that the changes I had been working on were real, she embraced them and molded herself to fit within them. Here is the kicker, she only did that when I no longer needed her to do it. Once I was changing for me, had my own goals/dreams that were independent of her, was no longer a child. She did everything possible to be with me. She tells me almost every day how much she adores me, she asks me what I want or where I want to go, not as a test to fail but because she honestly wants to know what will make me happy so she can get it.

I know tomorrow she could find someone that causes her tingles and she could branch swing at any time. But thanks to the RedPill that is something I am no longer worried about. If she swings, I can have her replaced by someone half my age by nighttime and she knows it. By the look in her eye this morning I know that today is not the day.

TL/DR: Today sucks, but from here on out is where things can get really awesome.

RPSigmaStigma · 2015-02-27T15:03:40+00:00

In the five stages of grief, the third stage is bargaining, and it can feel like the final stage of acceptance until you realize your bargaining won't work. Once that happens you enter the fourth stage, depression. So congratulations. It might not feel like it right now, but you're making progress. Don't wallow in the depression, but don't resist it either. Let it sink in, process what you're feeling.

Nothing wrong with having feels, it's not beta or womanly unless you let it control you or if you can't process it like a man. The only way having feelings is beta is if you dump your emotions on your woman and expect her to empathize and fix it for you. Own your emotions, share them with other men who you respect, but ultimately you have process them on your own.

Stay strong.

marxistbacon · 2015-02-27T14:50:24+00:00

Neo: "Why do my eyes hurt?"

Morpheus: "Because you've never used them."

Vent away, man. Part of what you're saying is true - it's lonely, it's disheartening in the beginning, it's a big change in how you view the world. But the good news is that by realizing what had really been motivating you so far, that by realizing that this has not been all about you yet, you have learned something real. The fact is that now you really know in your gut what you have to do next. Do these things for yourself. Be awesome for your own self. Get in shape because the man you are wants to be in shape. Make the most out of your life because that's what you want. This is the first day of the rest of your life. It's an awakening - your possibilities are wide open.

TrainingTheBrain · 2015-02-27T15:11:26+00:00

Now you realize you're walking the journey on your own.

There is this image that is portrayed as to how life should work, yet that's not the real world and once you're eyes are opened to that fact, you can never go back.

You may long for the days where life was 'easy' and if you try to unlearn what TRP/MRP has taught you you'll realize that there will always be that voice telling you that you've become a weak, 'Beta', fuck who has chosen the comfort of lies of the discomfort of truth.

You're on the right path, now you just need to direct where you're going. To help that process along, this little exercise may benefit you.

Write down three goals.
Write down two ways you're actively pursuing those goals.
Give yourself a deadline and make it happen.

Whether it's a jagged pill or smooth, life is still happening. So enjoy the fuck out of it - own it - and lead your family to the promised land.

theultmatecad · 2015-02-27T17:43:29+00:00

you are less attracted now that she is off pedestal. you see the real woman, not the idealized version that existed in your brain.

it hurts. but know that you are longing for something that never existed.

"there is no spoon"

2015-02-27T15:27:44+00:00

Understandable. It take a while to grow thick skin once you unplug. Continue to read and make yourself better.

slimcoat · 2015-02-27T15:32:31+00:00

The pill is cutting at my insides right now.

That's how you know it's working. It's going to cut you up and disgorge all the bile from your life so you can replace it with fully functional organs. It sucks and it hurts and it's painful and uncomfortable, but it's worth every step.

I had an awakening several years ago and I'm still feeling the pains of swallowing the pill. It doesn't really ever end, but you learn to deal with it and accept it as it is.

Make your plans to become more awesome for yourself and carry them out. Don't aim to destroy your marriage, but don't be surprised if it ends soon. Your hamster may be taking its final gasps of breath, but your wife's will always be strong and may be incapable of handling the newer, stronger, better you.

Countpudyoola · 2015-02-27T17:12:45+00:00

The first door's the hardest one to walk through. Congrats. You've done it.

I think it mirrors if not is a direct correlation to what /u/RPSigmaStigma says about you going through the 5 stages of grief. But one difference I see is that you can channel different stages into things more productive instead of just riding it out.

Anger is an amazing motivator. It's not that tough to change depression over it into some anger from an injustice point of view. And arguably I think being angry is much better than down. If you can channel it, ride that wave for a while ...but don't let it out as an outburst. Control it in exercise, fuel for self improvement. Then once you let go of being angry , the gains you took from riding the wave of anger are still there. Then it's time to relax and take a less emotionally invested look at it.

Right now you're also focusing still on her, being repulsed by her in this situation is a good sign of that. Your projecting your failure onto her. You've created her as a source of misery. That may serve for a time, but is still a cop out to the fact that you're here because of you. She's 99% probably behaving poorly because of you. Work on yourself and while you work through the stages she'll either be there at the end in the way that you want or not (and you'll be set up for a better future). But there's nothing to be angry about. It'd be like getting handed a briefcase full of money making you rich...and instead of being happy you dwell on being poor all those years before.

You got the green now. Use it.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-02-27T16:30:53+00:00

Your description is right on. Taking the Red Pill is EXACTLY like ripping off a bandage- except in many cases those bandages are not covering up a little boo boo but a huge, raw, painful, red streaked, infected surgical wound.

Don't get to hung up with the whole Beta Bucks that so many guys on TRP write about. Everybody is a little bit Alpha and a little bit Beta, to a lesser or greater degree.

Paradoxically, when you make the realization that you have just made- that your wife is NOT the source of your validation or happiness- is when your marriage has a real chance of completely turning around.

The more you want her the more she pulls away. The more you are repelled by her ugly behaviors, the more she will draw towards you. It makes no sense, but that is how they work.

Title	The Jagged Pill
Author	wakingupisharsh
Upvotes	29
Comments	22
Date	February 27, 2015 2:41 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2xcrww/the_jagged_pill/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/the-jagged-pill.202449 https://theredarchive.com/post/202449

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