I'm recently unplugged and and starting my journey.

I'm not sure what just happened to me, but hear me out and tell it to me straight.

Me and my wife of 18 years (of which just about 17.5 was deadbedroom) went out for a show and dinner saturday.

Get home and the mood is good, I am hoping to build on my positive experience of MRP with some good sex. So I draw her closer and she pushes me away. I think nithing of it and just grin.

She makes a comment that I just want sex. I say starting with a hug. She comments something about me just wanting sex and and and.

I get a little pissed off and want to leave the room but think, no, I am not running out. So I turned to her and asked her so what about it if I want sex, kids are sleeping over at friends, we had a nice evening. What is wrong with me wanting sex.

She makes some or other comment, I can't clearly remember what and then I lose it.

I have hardly ever raised my voice to my wife, let alone swear at her, but I totally lost it. 18 years of being told to cool it took its toll.

I walked to her and screamed into her face 'Fuck you! Fuuuuuck yooooou! She immediately went to battle stations and opened her mouth to which I just drowned her out. She said she won't a tolerate being spoken to like that to which I replied 'Fuck you, get the fuck out of MY house'

She threatened whith divorce to which I said 'Fucking suites me, fuck off' So we calmed down a bit, talked for about an hour about our shit. I said I am sorry I lost it. I did not apologise for swearing or anything, just that one sentance. No explanation, no groveling. Just manners.

Sunday and we are talking again and she wants to know what now. I told her all is cool, I am going to doing what makes me happy, her happiness is her problem. She is welcome to stay or go, either way I don't care. I will still keep my kids wellbeing a priority but thats that. I was planning on moving to the spare edroom but decide not to. I told her this, then told her I sleep in my bed, and the woman that sleeps there with me I expect reasonable acces to sex from.

Since then things have been good between us. Lots of hugs and kisses coming from her. I stood up to her in a way like I never have before. I was shit scared at the time but I just couldn't give a fuck at the time.

I am a little at a loss at the moment, I don't know wheter she is just humouring me or whether she now sees the line drawn in the sand. That tbere is in fact a boundary.

Some ways I feel this anger that has built up over 18 years should have been dealt with back then, but it all came out.

Edit: Sorry for the confusion, sex has been a problem from very early in the relationship, hence the 17.5 year mention. Sex varies from once a month to about once in 5 months when bad. There were times when things got better, but only for short times. Just enough sex to make you live in hope.