Do y’all hold other men accountable?

OldEgalitarianMRA · 2022-07-14T12:18:52+00:00

Men are held responsible in many ways. We expect them, these days, to spend their free time with their children. If divorce comes they pay the vast majority of child support and alimony.

Men have responsibilities and if they don't fulfill them it's off to jail for failing to follow the family court order.

odysseytree · 2022-07-14T11:32:49+00:00

Of course I hold men accountable. It's much easier to do and straight specially at workplace. It won't put me in trouble even if I do it openly. HR won't come after me for the bitter truth.

CawlinAlcarz · 2022-07-14T12:42:47+00:00

I hate to sound like Polly Platitude here, but there are good men and good women... and not so good men and not so good women.

The problem comes when we generalize and begin to make policies based on the bad men or bad women, which negatively impact the good men or good women adversely in the name of stopping the bad behaviors from the bad men and women.

Child support itself is not good or bad per se - financially supporting your offspring is a necessary thing. The unequal application of it based on incentives to maximize child support payments so that you can maximize federal matching/incentive funding is pure evil. The incentivization of divorce and paternity trapping as a result of court bias which
has its roots in (1) a heavily biased perspective of men and women, generalized for all men based on the bad behavior of a few men (Duluth model) and (2) incentivizing federal funding for maximum child support awards (Title IV-D) is the predictable and even more evil outcome of that because not only is it unjust, but it erodes society which is fundamentally based on a strong nuclear family unit.

CucumberAdditional39 · 2022-07-14T17:42:13+00:00

TLDR version: Sometimes we hold other men accountable. Sometimes we don't. Sometimes we should. Sometimes we shouldn't. It takes a long term to learn which time is which.

This is a much broader question than I think the OP intended. Holding someone accountable is often an issue of court, tort, relationships, or business rather than something that may be implied here. If I think that it is something that can wait, I will usually just involve the appropriate variation of said groups. i.e. police, law suit, business, family, friends...

First, for what? Being on time for work? Being honest? Keeping to their new lifestyle commitments after new years resolutions have been formed? The way they treat their families? The way they treat strangers? With what consistency?

With regards to things that are actually me doing something rather than me getting someone else to do something:

There are definitely times when I did and times when I didn't hold other men accountable for various things.

One time, when I was much younger, I found a bunch of guys bullying a black kid named Todd in the backyard in a little corner, and I threatened them. I also once threatened to shoot someone in the face when they were picking a fight in my house. These are just two example but men tend to get in occasional confrontations sepending on their backgrounds. There are loads of times when I did hold someone accountable. There are also loads of times when I didn't. I have turned a blind eye to many things that I shouldn't have where people continued to act in certain ways, and times when I held people accountable when I should have forgiven and realized it was an issue of context or exception rather than a reflection upon that persons character which would require intervention.

I once ran across a bully that I put up with for far too long and kept trying to forgive and forget while trying to talk him into changing his ways. I felt there was no way he would ever come around and it was coming to account. His entire personality changed later on... I did have to choke him out once because he wouldn't stop punching me, but I saw what I feel was a genuine change in him after a couple of decent conversations.

If you are wondering if men ever call each other on things, the answer is definitely yes. We also sometimes overlook things. It doesn't always make sense to call someone on everything. Sometimes it needs to be done. Sometimes people change, even when it seems impossible at first. For this reason, I have become substantially more tolerant over the years. I learn hard on talking people out of bad behavior and setting a good example before I try and intervene.

We ought be our brothers keeper and we ought keep ourselves as responsible people. There can often be a difference between being someone that tries to hold everyone else to account and someone that is personally responsible for themselves. Sometimes, trying to hold others to account is in itself an act of malevolence, self righteousness, and/or personal irresponsibility.

It is my job to hold me accountable. I also ought help others be responsible when I can. It is very rarely actually appropriate for me to hold someone else accountable, but there are exceptions. Most of those exceptions are things like: They were late for work too many times in a row and it affected someone else at work so I called them on it.

When it isn't these kinds of things, on even rarer exceptions I might physically intervene. As I have grown older, I have found many of those instances to be foolish and counterproductive.

If anything, it seems better for me to spend less time holding other men accountable, and I have realized that for the most part it isnt actually good for me to spend my days trying to hold other men accountable. The law of unforseen consequences and the law of good intentions intertwine far too much for that.

tenchineuro · 2022-07-14T13:50:00+00:00

Do y’all hold other men accountable?

Accountable for what? In what way?

As the bible says, 'I am not my brother's keeper'.

Do women hold other women accountable? There seems no crime a woman can commit that other women will hold her to blame for. She can kill her kids or her husband and receive nothing but support and sympathy from women.

faptemp44 · 2022-07-14T11:34:42+00:00

Yes, especially cheaters.

Basketballjuice · 2022-07-14T19:22:35+00:00

I do when it's necessary

Direct_Geologist_536 · 2022-07-14T12:33:08+00:00

There is no toxic masculinity, but masculinity can be toxic in some mens. Of course I hold men accountable for being toxic

NegativeOrchid · 2022-07-14T15:25:50+00:00

It’s more complicated than “showing up” sometimes; some women don’t allow their child’s father visiting or seeing their own kids, either through the courts or through words and actions.

Chaos92muffin · 2022-07-14T18:17:01+00:00

Men are held accountable in life for things they do & things they don't do by default.

But at the same time that's not your responsibility to do, one wrong argument with this guy could turn into a gun fight. Co parent andkeep it moving (I've been around guys like him my entire life)

NoBrick444 · 2022-07-14T19:47:37+00:00

This culture we live in is real garbage.

Broken homes, broken families.

Silly-Activity-6219 · 2022-07-14T11:45:50+00:00

True. I’m all for shared custody, but men have to do their part too. 80% of all divorcing fathers do not attempt to seek out a shared custody arrangement.

Church556 · 2022-07-14T17:17:16+00:00

I will have a base-level talk with a man to aid in their personal reformation. Many dudes need to be told that they’re fucked up and need to walk upright and morally through their life. I don’t have some philosophical talk with every cheater or POS that I know, but I will let them know that’s not how men should lead their lives and that I cannot respect them as a person in their current configuration.

ChadWolf98 · 2022-07-17T00:05:28+00:00

Yes. I have to say I disagree with the current child support system but despise deadbeat fathers due to personally seeing how it effects people's personal lives. I also hate jerks regardless of sex. But I wont play the liberal white knight on every single woman joke

Title	Do y’all hold other men accountable?
Author	herefortheparty01
Upvotes	38
Comments	33
Date	July 14, 2022 11:29 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/vytmav/do_yall_hold_other_men_accountable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/do-yall-hold-other-men-accountable.1123462 https://theredarchive.com/post/1123462

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