How do I be a man?

Forcetobereckonedwit · 2022-08-27T15:28:24+00:00

My advice (and I have lived quite a life) is to take all the time you need and look around in the world. Look at men of all walks of life. Try and figure out what sort of adult man you would like to be if you could. Because guess what, you can. You have to start at the beginning, pick a goal, start figuring out what steps are necessary to achieve that goal, and then start chipping away at it. Almost anything is possible.

Appearing like a tough guy has its benefits in life but it ends up having more downside and the things you have to do to appear like a tough guy on the street usually get you into all sorts of trouble, injuries, jail time (which messes up e v e r y t h i n g), and puts you in pretty lousy groups of people. Do not listen to your friend the tough guy.

duhhhh · 2022-08-27T15:13:18+00:00

It doesn't sound like you need to "learn to be a man". It sounds like you are anxious about the future. Try listening to these.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=buqtdpuZxvk

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU

You are small and insignificant. Most people aren't judging you. As you get older you probably won't care nearly as much about the opinions of those that do. Choose a path in life, make mistakes, learn from them, and adjust course. Ignorance is bliss, but I like to be aware. So I'd suggest learning from the experiences of others so you don't need to make their mistakes to learn.

GenTycho · 2022-08-27T17:42:35+00:00

Being "street" isn't manly. It's often cowardly and involves putting others down and/or disrespectful behavior.

Takes more to fight the temptation to fall into situations of street life cause others try and promise an easy life when it actually sets you up to have a hard future.

Be you dude.

PHARTBOI · 2022-08-27T17:38:41+00:00

Still young my friend, not sure what your definition of being a man really is, but from what i’ve learned, if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else. Work on yourself, weather its physical , go to the gym. Mentally you will grow with age and experiences. I guarantee you you’ll find someone who thinks animation is super cool and they’ll love you for you.

Intelligent-Term · 2022-08-27T17:21:23+00:00

Worrying about being 'man enough' is worrying what people think of you. I advise against worrying what people think of you. I grew up in the poor south where every man was expected to do physical labor like working with cattle/horses/livestock/farming/etc. I wanted to study computers so I went to college, got a great job, and never looked back at that one horse town I grew up in. I wanted to work smart not hard and make good money. I imagine living in the inner city for young black men would be a similar pressure to conform to 'street dude' stereotypes.

That being said, most of the people I know who were artists ended up being tattoo artists. As far as making it in the world of art, or music for that matter...it's a very hard road if you expect to make good money out of it. If you're okay being a 'starving artist', then okay. The highest paid artists are actually either video game artists or advertising. Unless of course you are lucky enough to become the next Banksy or Andy Warhol.

ABeeBox · 2022-08-27T17:42:13+00:00

Do you expect every girl to wear a sundress, pick flowers, work in a daycare, plays the violin, sings perfectly, has a supermodel figure, perfect smile etc.

No, because that would be an unrealistic expectation and stereotype for a woman.

There are women that join the army, do boxing, wear tracksuits, hate flowers, don't like kids, play electric guitar, and have tattoos or piercings.

So why should you play into a stereotype that you are not? If you like animating, that doesn't make you less of a man, if you're not 6'5+, that doesn't make you less of a man, if you're not shredded in muscle and 3% body fat, you're not less of a man.

The best type of man, is the type of man that can define himself.

AcadiaLegal6386 · 2022-08-27T18:08:27+00:00

Without changing who you are, can you add going to the gym 3-4 times a week (even for like 30 minutes ) and like 2-3 eggs extra to your diet every other day ?

Also hold your head up high even when you’re sad and don’t be a simp, be direct and assertive.

Accomplished_Pipe877 · 2022-08-27T20:41:37+00:00

My first thought was that many 17 year old 'street dudes' will end up being adult 'prison dudes' or 20 something 'dead dudes'. What's manly about that? I knew a bunch of street guys and now they aren't on the streets anymore, some of them may not get the chance to come back and others are dead.

Really you don't have to worry just keep doing what you have to do. If you like animation and art what's wrong with that? Life is about being the best you can and making the most of what you've got. And doing things you enjoy just makes it better.

Metaphorically I see 'being a man' as more about character, integrity, honor, and discipline than anything. Being responsible and taking care of you and your own in life. Being there for others when they need you, etc.

You will have to continue to develop these attributes throughout your life so don't sweat it too much. You don't have to 'become a man' in a day or even a year.

RandoCaljizzian69 · 2022-08-27T21:09:23+00:00

The street persona is the antithesis of being a man. Being a man means working hard, being the best version of yourself you can be, and accepting the reality of delayed gratification. If you're working hard on being the best version of yourself you can be, then you'll be thinking strategically regarding long term planning. Eg. I need this education to be able to get that job, after X years of work I can afford to buy something in this place. A couple promotions, a couple of pay bumps, and financially you're in a good place. You pursued something you care about so you take pride in your work. You've moved up at least a couple of times so you're demonstrably capable. All the while, you ate well, exercised regularly, and kept learning new things. You are a real man.

The street dude is the quick fix, easy money kinda guy. His goal is to get money, look cool and fuck bitches. There's no long term plan. There are no real skills. He is just trying to be cool, which is fine when you're less than 25 years old. Eventually that wears out though, and that guy becomes a 40 something year old dude who's still trying to hustle, still trying to get money, still trying to fuck bitches. But he didn't learn how to do anything. He has no skills. He lives paycheck to paycheck. He still gets laid but mostly from low value women who see him as someone worth fucking.

One thing you definitely need to do is travel. Save some money and go on some trips out of the country. See how shit is around the world. Learn from any many people as you can. Not just school shit, but real life things. Lived experience things. Stuff you can only know from asking people, and people from a wide variety of life. The doctor, the bus driver, the teacher, the homeless guy.... They all have something to share that is worth knowing about.

BlockBadger · 2022-08-27T21:34:56+00:00

How do I be a man?

Yo I'm Black, 17m and an Animator.

I like to indulge my time in Art, and animation

You already are, you have a passion and you’re following it, for me that’s the most key part of being a man.

Your head is screwed on well enough you are doubting and asking questions, keep doing that and learning, making mistakes, stand up for what matters to you, and be kind.

KRV_FromRussia · 2022-08-27T17:47:28+00:00

‘Just’ be charismatic, have a stable career/income, dont shy behind your woman (i.e. you call the restaurant, even though you are shy when you call) and try to fix problems yourself instead of letting others do it/ignoring them

Black-Patrick · 2022-08-27T20:02:51+00:00

Be your self is good advice. What kind of animation? What is your question again? Obviously being street as you say has some respectable qualities, but it’s not the case only way to be a man. I would be glad to wax philosophically further on the subject if you would be kind enough to set some parameters. Are you guys talking about female attention?

iamth3on3 · 2022-08-27T20:15:36+00:00

Don't doubt yourself, do hardwork and always be overconfident, read books, be conscious about your surroundings, politics, learn critical thinking, learn about your rights, don't be mean to others(not f3m1n1sts) and never share your emotional vulnerable situation with women(this will backfire). In this kind of emotional vulnerable situation, i divide my problems into sub problems, and solve them step by step logically. Always remember we men are problem solvers naturally. Religion is an important part of our lives i believe. Try do researching about it. Do physical exercise, muscle building; boxing, karate. And always remember; being overconfident is always the key.

AdAcademic4290 · 2022-08-27T21:17:25+00:00

You sound like a cool bloke!

Being a man just takes time. In some cultures, there are big ceremonies, where you go from boy to man, but in the west, it's a long gradual process.

You are smart, thoughtful, self aware, and have a fair idea what you want and don't want from life.

Those are all great steps to adulthood, which some adults never achieve 🙂.

Epipha-tree · 2022-08-27T23:27:29+00:00

My guess is that what you perceive in your friend as 'manly' and you think is lacking in yourself is confidence.

Your friend sounds like the type that for whatever reason has found himself in plenty of challenging situations and conflicts, a 'street dude'. From this he would have gained a sense of confidence. Real confidence, that comes from the KNOWING that presented with another difficult situation, he will be able to handle it.

Every man is capable of this as that is what a man is for, handling tension and difficulty. You just are lacking the confidence in your self. You don't have to be a tough guy or a street dude to have this confidence, you can gain this confidence in whatever you do, you just have to seek challenge and do what scares you.

Once your are living with the correct self belief that you are capable of handling and overcoming anything that any other man could, because you yourself are a man, you'll start to recognise yourself as the man you are. Other people will also recognise this in you and see what you see in your friend and trust you as you are confident in yourself as a man.

It has nothing to do with being a tough Street dude, it's just the street brings the conflict and tension for a man to build himself. So just find healthy challenge and have the confidence in yourself to always do what YOU decide you should. It's already there in you, you just have to unlearn a lot of crap and trust yourself.

P.S. Read The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida and checkout The Fearless Man on YouTube.

dekadoka · 2022-08-28T02:00:22+00:00

Do some hard, manual labor. Get dirty and make some good money. Maybe get a job at a furniture shop or in construction. 90+% of men were manual farmers for thousands of years, it's the closest experience you can have. It really opens your eyes to how the world works and changes your perception of your limits. Way too many men go through life sitting behind a desk getting fat or just going to the gym once in a while, and it's a damn shame. Also, highly recommend Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins.

FalconTrash · 2022-08-28T16:26:57+00:00

The most manly thing you can do is defy all social expectation by unapologetically 100% being your truest self. There's nothing more alpha than standing up for yourself. Those who will put you down for who you are can suck a fat one, you don't need that garbage in your life. Why would you care about people that clearly don't care about you? Practice self love, practice listening to your desires and feelings, and the biggest one: practice self acceptance. You are deserving of love the way you are. Don't put yourself down because you could be someone else.

Redrick_Gale · 2022-08-29T01:28:29+00:00

Creating art can absolutely be a masculine trait. I’d suggest pursuing it.

Outside of that, I would recommend reading the poem “If” by Rudyard Kipling.

Occma · 2022-08-29T12:43:07+00:00

You are a man if you can perform unmanly actions with confidence. Some men will avoid pink or talking about feeling because they think that this makes them more feminine. But a real man stays a man even if he is wearing a pink dress.

You are a man who is into art and animation. The only think holding you back is that you are insecure and this is just a question of age or experience.

Porpoise555 · 2022-08-27T15:15:36+00:00

Problem with society today is that they will tell you to follow your heart and do what makes you happy however this may ultimately lead you down a path where no women want to date you. I would say if that is a priority, you need to prioritize money and fitness. Everything else comes second.

It's sad because for many men, this will be an all encompassing endeavor, so much so they never really have the time or energy to get to explore other interests.

StinkyUsedHole · 2022-08-27T17:38:56+00:00

Quit jerking off and it will happen naturally.

Qantourisc · 2022-08-27T15:03:08+00:00

All (well most) of it are social constructs and expectations.

There are however typical tendencies between genders, like how agreeable one is, so I suppose one could view that like "being a man".

In regards of what one should be, there are so many conflicting requests/demands.

justaguy891 · 2022-08-27T19:32:05+00:00

Exercise, workout, build muscle.

PersonMerson · 2022-08-27T22:36:57+00:00

Make money and support yourself. Once you can do that, try to help and support others if you can. That’s it.

overdosedonDMT · 2022-08-28T03:33:29+00:00

Everyone already posted some great resources here but I have something particular I feel applies to you. As an animator (I can't belive I said that) if you find yourself staying up late constantly remember it's important to have outdoor hobbies. If you ever wake up in the afternoon cause you were working on your art station portfolio till 5am just take a break lol

wineblood · 2022-08-28T10:06:38+00:00

Being a man means different things to different people. You may see other men who seem more manly than you or who tell you that you're not a real man, both of which can make you feel insecure.

The approach that worked for me was to figure out what being a man meant to me, which values were important and which ones weren't. Yes, I'm not there yet (so I may be wrong), but I've set myself a clear goal and can work towards it.

Without going for the "street persona" but picking out the core values and achieving them in a way that works for you might be a good direction. The main aspect of it that comes to my mind is how tough/dangerous someone like that can be. Would you feel you achieved that if you were in good shape and were proficient in martial arts/hand to hand combat? I'm not suggesting anything too extreme, but would physical strength and a bit of boxing experience make you feel less intimidated by your friend?

Throwawayyacc22 · 2022-08-28T16:30:30+00:00

Go to the gym, dress better, smell better, increase SMV, prioritize yourself and your goals, don’t listen to anything you see on TV.

DoctorStorm · 2022-08-28T16:32:01+00:00

Listen to people. Be decent, kind, and respectful. Don't lie. Keep your word. Support those who need support when you can.

People will complain, people will judge. Let them. You're busy doing all the above.

Only you can define what kind of a man you will be. Once defined, however, note the keyword 'man' in that sentence.

Title	How do I be a man?
Author	No_Procedure_5376
Upvotes	25
Comments	35
Date	August 27, 2022 2:55 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/wz4uqx/how_do_i_be_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/how-do-i-be-a-man.1129094 https://theredarchive.com/post/1129094

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