How do you handle (relevant to this sub) depression?

Dopeboy108 · 2019-07-21T03:41:43+00:00

Keep busy. Set goals for yourself and find positive influences and ppl to be around. Stay away from substance abuse, exercise helps, eat healthy and dont become a couch potatoe.

TheHarryWompa · 2019-07-21T04:31:51+00:00

Hey dude. First off, it's okay to be depressed, whatever the reason. It's not your fault, and this kinda shit happens. You still have to clean up the mess though, and you gotta love to see the other side, so I'll walk you through how I manage (bipolar 2, among other things)

First off... Give time to your passions. It'll feel like pulling teeth, and you'll want to just turn everything off and stare into space, but take little steps. Journal out memories of stuff you liked if you can't think of any passions you currently have, from childhood. Pick little ways to reintroduce the stuff that makes you happy. Nostalgic about pokemon? Get an emulator and play for a bit every once in a while. Been meaning to get back into scifi? Pick a book and tackle it, one chapter at a time. Slowly you'll become comfortable pursuing things that make you happy and it won't be as hard.

Second, get positive social interaction in your life (and by extension, limit the negative). This can also be hard especially if you're already shy like I am, but it follows the same logic of the last paragraph. Find something you like that you can share, and force yourself to do it, little bits at a time, and take inventory of how it affects you. Stress is okay, anxiety is less so, try and observe how being around people makes you feel, and go after the people who make you happy. As for negative people... You don't owe anyone shit. Seriously. No one is worth your health, so as you spend time with people and they make you feel like shit, start weening yourself off those people.

Three, get to a place where you get regulsr physical affection. I don't mean sex mind you. That is way too complicated at this stage and if you're struggling with depression you honestly shouldn't involve a romantic partner (no judgment if you do or already have one, just my take). I mean more... Go for handshakes and hugs with the people you're close to, where it's safe to do so. Get or visit a pet, dogs and cats have literally thousands of years of selective evolution in them to make them comforting to us. Try and be around animals you can be physical with, it will ground you and make you feel physically valuable in a way you need and can't get other ways.

Fourth, examine your health. You don't need to make huge changes or huge alterations, probably, you don't need to turn yourself into a cut body builder. Just honestly assess yourself and how comfortable you are. If you feel too big or small, start a weight journal and calorie counting and use Google to figure out what you need to eat to gain or lose. This type of weight loss is easy, helps you focus and takes up your otherwise anxious thoughts, and is gradual enough not to be painful or disfiguring. If you drink a lot of alcohol or smoke, cut back, same with coffee, pop, etc. These things are hyper stimulants that wear us out with over exposure, if you cut back they'll be much more effective and you'll be happier with them. Just focus on examining yourself and then making little adjustments to be more comfortable.

Last, and this may vary depending on your location and means, but see a doctor, psychotherapist, dentist, etc. Pick one you haven't seen in a while and make an appointment, and then follow through. Doesn't matter if it's just a cleaning or check up, it helps you feel respected and important, which goes a long way to healing depressive thought patterns. If you're not on them already, or what you're on isn't helping, look into antidepressants and alternatives. There is absolutely no shame in medication, and it can make a world of difference depending on what is causing your depression. You don't have to tell anyone either. Just you, and taking scare of you, because you are goddamn worth it.

Some tips I am just now thinking of... Avoid dating apps. In general but especially when you're depressed, they make money off of battering men into buying subscriptions. Try and avoid external validation until you're satisfied with yourself where you're already at. Like I said, becoming a ripped Hemsworth knockoff may be appealing but that doesn't actually affect any of the causes of depression, which are all inside. Women count as external validation too. They don't mean to, but a combination of their social conditioning to sift, and ours to seek approval, makes us extremely vulnerable to emotional manipulation, exploitation, and further harm. Women can't fix you, most won't even try. I personally try to avoid competitive things when I'm depressed for the same reason, as losing at something I'm invested in is too great a pain to deal with, and you aren't gonna heal by battering yourself over perfecting something unimportant like sports or video games (your mileage may vary if you're the competitive sort, though).

Tl;dr In the end, handling depression comes down to seeing yourself clearly, and learning to accept and care about that person. You have to become your own parent and love yourself as your own child, because no one else really will. Take yourself seriously and consider medication where you can afford it. All the injustice will still be there when you're done; you can't fix it, but you can help fix you.

Useful resources to google;

Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT, get a free workbook and tackle the modules one at a time)

Mindfulness exercises

Max Lucado (specifically his Christian kids books, silly but still helpful for self love)

Journalling methods (experiment and pick the one that's least mind numbing)

Edit for source: an averagely shitty life

Lethn · 2019-07-21T04:08:33+00:00

The main thing for me is don't surround yourself with shit heads, I realised awhile ago that I've lived in a very self-segregated community and I've made it a point to go to other places where I'm less likely to run into cunts. Thanks to that it has drastically reduced my stress levels, because of where I'm at I've even mapped out routes now that make driving less stressful and even little things like that have helped lol but that's more of a general thing for me.

psychowhippet · 2019-07-21T06:32:31+00:00

It’s hard man. But like I do, keep on keeping on. If you feel low make a call to either friends or helplines. It’s shit, but also if we all keep being vocal things may improve. I wish you well brother.

Freedom_memer · 2019-07-21T07:12:59+00:00

I just want to say thank you for bringing up this topic. The depression after seeing/evaluating both sides is a really significant thing for me as well, and I have read a lot of helpful things in this discussion.

The only advice I can contribute is whether its something that you’re passionate about/fitness/a skill, don’t stop doing stuff. That’s what helped me in the past.

RoryTate · 2019-07-21T05:02:02+00:00

It's honestly not a surprise that more men than women kill themselves these days because of how we're treated.

The suicide rates for men have been fairly constant for the last century or more, so we can't really blame the current rate on all the man-hating that is so popular right now. It certainly isn't helping men feel better, but looking at the data objectively it can't be held responsible for the longstanding epidemic of male deaths from suicide.

Personally, I've found that ideas from evolutionary psychology are helpful in understanding the gendered nature of suicide, and with this knowledge I can see a sort of series of conditions that once met will set a man down a path of suicide. This line of thinking has given me a clear focus on what to avoid (the short version of this is that seeing oneself as a burden to others or useless to society is the main pitfall that must be prevented from taking hold of you).

Apart from that, I focus on what I consider the three absolutes: eat well, sleep well, and be active. And sometimes I recommend you need to take a break from social media (and that includes reddit to some degree) to gain some perspective on things. It's too easy to feel like everything is falling apart when all you read online are stories of suffering, injustice, ignorance, conflict, etc. Those aren't the things that are happening right around you though, and just walking outside to enjoy the day can be the best course of action to break that cycle of morbidity.

Mens-Advocate · 2019-07-21T15:24:51+00:00

As others have said, keep busy.
Try out TRP, PUA, MGTOW. They work for some people.
Never blame yourself. It's feminism's fault, not yours.
Join MR groups, such as NCFM. Attend the International Conference on Men's Issues.
Let off steam here.
Write letters to the editor.
Find MR-oriented friends and even therapist to talk to.

Rethgil · 2019-07-21T21:04:55+00:00

This is a great post, and an important one. Im glad it was made as it airs important issues.

I've been there, and I agree; its a tough world and getting worse for men, and better for women, right when the reverse false narrative is being told to everyone.

Its disgusting how little help there is for men that isnt female based or biased. Theres a real illusion of lots of help out there, but once you actually dig beneath the surface and try to access it (as a man), its pretty shocking.

As for things to help? Well, its important to remember the good things youve done when low, big or small. I'd honestly remind yourself that you created the post you have here-its made me feel encouraged to know there's many of us fighting for our rights, and that we arent alone, and theres nothing 'wrong' with men. We're just being pulled apart by many toxic things in the modern world today, and doing the best we can as humans to cope.

goodmod · 2019-07-21T04:37:00+00:00

Take a break from the Internet for a while, especially the parts that deal with injustice towards men. There's nothing wrong with taking a month or a year off - we'll still be here if and when you come back.

Find a place where there are positive women - some Facebook groups are pro-men and there are others that have no relation to gender politics at all.

Develop a hobby that requires a bit of concentration, so you can think about that instead of the unfairness of life.

Maybe even see a psychologist - not because you're mentally ill but because you're sane and you need a way to concentrate on the positive side of life.

If you feel yourself being sucked down that hole, just remember that the majority of men don't even realise that it exists. You can be one of them for a while. :)

dontpet · 2019-07-21T22:19:26+00:00

Just a side comment, some claim that depression is twice as common in women as it is in men. https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-in-special-situations

Maybe masculinity isn't as toxic as some presume?

cld8 · 2019-07-22T05:09:38+00:00

Keep things in perspective. Yes, men are disadvantaged in certain ways, but throughout history there have been groups that have had it much worse.

For example, I recently got upset when I was charged a fee to enter a club that was letting women in for free. Then I reminded myself that not very long ago, there were businesses that didn't allow black people to enter at all. So compared to that, it's not as bad.

Focus on yourself. Remember that we can all fight oppression, but it will never completely disappear. Do what you can.

Meme_lord_70000 · 2019-07-22T17:24:58+00:00

Women are over there complaining about being oppresed because they get too many compliments and men are over here being insecure because they don't get enough compliments, as a teenager who lives in a very liberal community, I worry alot about what women think of me because all they ever say is "oh all men are ugly af, im never getting married" it makes me insecure and I thought that I would never amount to anything because Im treated like shit for being a guy. It never seems to stop, people complaining about me spredding my legs, and about me just simply talking to girls. And people wonder why im so resserved and unconfrentational. Im never appreciated in my community unless I do somthing that has to do with helping women. It sucks.

lmao1969 · 2019-07-23T03:57:30+00:00

Hey man depression sucks. You're not the only guy who feels this way, thankfully a lot of people go through this at some point in their lives. There are some nice subs that help like r/CongratsLikeImFive for when you do something you're proud of even if you think it's tiny. r/menslib is also great for their inclusivity principles and focus on mental health as well as men's rights. Also look up some good meditation videos or join a class. Do little steps everyday to take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up for going through a rough time. Be kind to yourself, always.

Lion_amongst_gods · 2019-07-21T07:04:53+00:00

Jordan B Peterson. Worked out for me.

genkernels · 2019-07-21T06:15:17+00:00

It's honestly not a surprise that more men than women kill themselves these days because of how we're treated.

I don't think this is really a defensible causal relationship given historical suicide data.

Yaspis · 2019-07-21T05:44:39+00:00

For autistic men like me neurotypical tips do not work and even do much worse to us. We have stimming and special interests to survive. Nothing bad about neurotypicals and ableds, just venting)

Gaki-San · 2019-07-21T21:06:51+00:00

A lot of the oppression/outrage culture is only online. I really only engage with it when I'm bored, or I'm in between contracts and have some down time. If it gets a bit much, I just walk away. Get out in the real world, with real people, and most of the behaviours you hear about online are the rarity. Most women will treat you with respect by default, and most men will treat women with respect by default.

It's a good tonic for the extremism.

splodgenessabounds · 2019-07-22T07:33:58+00:00

I'm curious how everyone here deals with depression, when it's (at least partly) caused by stuff relating to this sub

Others have mentioned this before, but I'll repeat it - if you're down, stop reading stuff about MR (everywhere, not just here). The second thing to be aware of is that (IME) a depressed/ down mindset can draw you into reading/ watching/ thinking about the cruddy aspects of life. Doing so can drag your frame of mind down further, which... rinse, repeat.

Thanks for the post - this is the sort of content we need more of on here.

2019-07-22T21:53:20+00:00

I try to help boys, especially teens of European descent (ethnicity-wise), so many of them are forgotten and suicidal that it's unbelievable. That is if anything a testament to the failure of society.

Quite a few of them have outside of their parents never gotten appreciations for who they are, been seen, shown kindness and care.

Even on r/toastme they always get the least amount of upvotes, which I assume has to do with the fact that people simply think that "they're on the top of the world" and don't need help. Go there, talk to them and show them that you care.

centipedesareano · 2019-07-23T06:38:02+00:00

Jesus Christ. Men that walk around complaining about being oppressed are seeking victim status. Victims get status and attention in our society—victim or sexual abuse, victim of racial discrimination, victims of sexual discrimination, victim of religious discrimination, victim of ableism, etc.

If all you can do is think about how much of victim you are and how other people are victimizing you, you need to get help.

Want some advice? Take responsibility of YOUR emotions. You feeling like a victim is YOUR choice. You get to choose those things. Not other people.

Hu_unter · 2019-07-24T19:26:20+00:00

im 12 and what I try to do is trust your therapists/psychiatrists. and take medication. medication usually has side effects, what they try to do is balance them out so theres as little side effects as possible. stay strong brother.

PsychoPhilosopher · 2019-07-21T08:09:28+00:00

Probably the most important tip to avoiding depression is to avoid focusing on the negative.

That doesn't mean focusing exclusively on the positive either.

It means being aware of both the good and the bad.

This sub is a collection of mostly bad stuff.

But on the whole, I like being a man! Upper Body Strength, Facial Hair a Baritone voice, all stuff I like about being male and masculine.

One of the most problematic aspects of depression is that we lose sight of those important elements, seeing only the bad stuff.

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Title	How do you handle (relevant to this sub) depression?
Author	ItIsABear
Upvotes	50
Comments	48
Date	July 21, 2019 3:36 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/cfuqbd/how_do_you_handle_relevant_to_this_sub_depression/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/how-do-you-handle-relevant-to-this-sub-depression.1205417 https://theredarchive.com/post/1205417

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