Skepticism towards single mothers.

63daddy · 2023-05-26T15:51:24+00:00

Women file for divorce far more often than men which comes as no surprise to me given how biased divorce, child custody and child support laws are in favor of women.

That said, every case is unique and I see no reason to make assumptions about any individual instance. While the system is overall biased against men, there certainly are deadbeat, abusive husbands out there that women and children should get away from and certainly some of these women and children are not receiving child support and life isn’t easy for them, through no fault of their own.

lasciate · 2023-05-26T19:13:20+00:00

I blindly brought into the idea that the Ex husband might have walked away.

Now [...] I can't help but wonder What did you do to drive him away?

Still seems like you don't understand the dynamics. Women initiate divorce between 70-80% of the time.

It's also pointless to think of these things as "one party drove the other away". If you believe marriage should be a lifelong commitment, then most marriages shouldn't happen since they were bound to fail anyway (and they do). People just don't get married with the "unbreakable union, til death do us 'part" idea in mind anymore despite taking [holy] vows to that effect. And if you believe marriage should be a fair and equal partnership then zero marriages should be happening. You can't have a fair and equal partnership if one party can walk away at any time for any reason and profit from doing so to the detriment of the other person.

TooMuchToThinkToday · 2023-05-26T16:05:54+00:00

I think the same. I hear women complain about being single mothers in one breath and then bash all men and look for mr rich to have another kid with. When you work in a casino you hear lots of things, including women who admit to withholding sex and emotional manipulation to hurt the father of the child so he will leave and she can collect the check.

nokappa1 · 2023-05-26T16:06:32+00:00

At this point perhaps only widows are deserving of empathy.

whiteinrice · 2023-05-26T18:22:48+00:00

Most of these single mothers required nothing more than either/or; height, looks, status, money, or some kind of edgy edge to position herself on her back. It is only when the going gets tough does she demand a "real man" who is "not here to play games"... Why do they not demand a "real man" who is "not here to play games" with the man she is risking pregnency with instead of trying to get these traits from a step daddy... Well we all know why, the men she truly desires do not desire her outside of casual sex, women don't understand this as they think if a man sleeps with her she is now on his level thanks to the guilt free, easy ability for men to hookup without the social regulation/shame that would come with dating so far down. Toll paid, don't feel sorry for these women.

Alarming_Draw · 2023-05-26T23:49:00+00:00

Meanwhile the poor kid is probably also absorbing all that biased hate of the father that they hear the mother spew 24/7 so will probably grow up to hate themselves for being male or be a woman who hates men....

corporate_robot_dude · 2023-05-27T14:39:23+00:00

Ask them what exactly did they do that they are considering abusive and narcissistic. I really would like to know. Those are the two most common terms single mothers describe their exes. The term is so overused now to be point that you have of have to be skeptical when they say it. I have no doubt that there are some truly terrible fathers who abandon their kids, are physically abusive, and are deadbeats. But IMO, the vast majority of guys do somewhat attempt to step up to the plate when a child is involved.

My definition of the term "abusive" is when the guy is borderline on the verge of potentially doing something physically violent. That is indeed a problem. But what people don't realize is that if the mother is a psycho and being hard to reason with, that can drive a guy into a rage and that's where the yelling and stuff occurs. A guy does not suddenly turn "abusive" and "narcissistic" for no reason. If neither party is willing to de-escalate a situation, it's kind of both people's fault. But rather than having some accountability in reflecting why their man turned "abusive" in the first place, these people usually like to get sympathy by playing the victim and claiming they did not wrong.

ZekalMacabre · 2023-05-28T22:01:58+00:00

As the dust settles, some what, post divorce. I've started to see single mothers in a new light now. I used to feel sympathetic towards their cause as I blindly brought into the idea that the Ex husband might have walked away. That's my internalized misandry.

Glad to see your eyes opening.

Now, when i come across a single mother whining about her ex and what a horrible father he is, he doesn't pay child support. I can't help but wonder What did you do to drive him away?, Do you actively make it difficult for him to see his children?, Do you really spend the child support on the child?

I've known a few single mothers. They whine and cry about how bad their ex is but never ever admit to their own faults. Typical thing for single mothers. I have no sympathy for them. Chances are THEY did something to cause the situation to happen.

I just wanted to put this thought out their. Thanks for reading.

No worries.

Snom_Bomb · 2023-05-26T22:28:14+00:00

While I agree you can’t blindly feel sympathetic, could the same thing not apply to men? If a man is complaining that his wife left him, you could wonder what made her make that decision.

ah-tow-wah · 2023-05-27T02:08:36+00:00

Just wanted to chime in to say that I hope these thoughts are only geared towards single mothers who exhibit that kind of behavior and not single mothers in general. I'm a single mom (50% custody) who doesn't have any sour history with my ex. I certainly hope that people don't perceive me negatively or make assumptions about me solely on the fact that I'm a single mom.

WoundedHeart7 · 2023-05-27T00:04:21+00:00

Don't go from one extreme to the other. A mother has every right to be upset that her child is not receiving child support. It's a problem when a mother whines that she isn't getting the child support (complaining as if the money is for her is a red flag). Also, be careful about making generalizations about single mothers and making assumptions.

druuedd · 2023-05-26T23:13:59+00:00

same.

sig_neversaueragain · 2023-05-26T16:19:02+00:00

this is unreasonable lol, im sorry but ur trading one assumption for another?? i thought men were supposed to be analytical

Title	Skepticism towards single mothers.
Author	orussell03
Upvotes	112
Comments	24
Date	May 26, 2023 2:46 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/13sf6el/skepticism_towards_single_mothers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/skepticism-towards-single-mothers.1220368 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220368

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