Bluepill CMV-Case study on Hypergamy 101: "Girlfriend/wife lost weight then dumped me/divorce raped me"

HappilySingleWoman · 2015-08-05T13:37:15+00:00

When people become more attractive they raise their standards . This is nothing new and men tend to act like that too so I don't get why it has to do with hypergamy.

Just the other day there was a post at /r/marriedredpill where a guy said that he raised his SMV and now feels the need to abandon his wife and spin plates.

wombatinaburrow · 2015-08-06T07:02:39+00:00

I didn't read the links, but your initial story sounds like she has checked out of the relationship and went about making herself a better catch before leaving him. It's a very shitty thing to do.

wtknight · 2015-08-05T13:43:17+00:00

Some men do this too. I am not sure why you think that this behavior is specific to women.

CreepyPsychoStalker · 2015-08-05T21:35:50+00:00

It was a relationship a few years back, it was only a few months in when I realised how much I missed working out. I changed he didn't.

For me it was a relationship where he ate a lot of junkfood and the two of us slowly fell into a Netflix and junkfood routine. He was borderline supportive but didn't want it to affect him beyond me getting hotter, the issue was our lifestyles no longer matched. I kept eating relatively few calories so still looked ok if less toned but I felt unmotivated most of the time.

He wanted fast food for lunch, to stick to my diet it would be a crazy small portion or a salad........so either he'd compromise and complain, I'd have an unsatisfying lunch or we'd eat separately. He wanted to go out for breakfast to a diner, I'd eat beforehand and just order a drink or eat separately.

The more I exercised the less I wanted to lie on his bed with him all day and watch episode after episode while snacking even on healthy food. I wanted to do things and have fun. Exercising gives me more energy and motivation that I hadn't even noticed myself losing as I adjusted to his lifestyle. I wanted to go out and have a picnic then go walking, or go to a museum, or geocaching, or paintballing.

I still watch a lot of Netflix when cooking or doing the dishes and I still love the occasional marathon on a weekend but not every moment of the day. I want it to be a fun addition to my life I don't want it to be my life.

TL;DR: junk food and tv all day doesn't work when dieting, then exercise made me want to do things. He just wanted to watch tv and I didn't want to spend my life doing the bare minimum. I didn't trade up, I just left.

"It's not you it's me" (I am not happy spending the rest of my life doing almost nothing. You don't want to do anything. So I can no longer be happy in this relationship.)

rulenumber303 · 2015-08-05T23:12:32+00:00

The example of "get fit then get out" in my family had the ten year age gap that TRP seems to advocate so much. After they raised their kids he was looking at consolidating their finances through hard work on both their parts over the next decade to be able to retire, but before doing that she wanted a decade of life full of the exciting interesting things she couldn't do so much while their kids were younger. She wanted to do the sort of things he'd spent a decade doing in his youth... travel, parties, concerts etc. She didn't want to spend the rest of her working life providing for his retirement and never get to do that stuff until she was totally old and feeble. So when the kids were near the end of high school she got much fitter (he was always complaining she was at the gym and not home with him) took a few career risks and got a very well paid job and got out with her legal share of the accumulated assets (she'd worked most of their time together at a job that had more on-paper income than his business did) and is now with a guy who does not have kids and does not intend slowing down. He's with a less physically attractive woman closer to his own age now. He's butthurt but I'm kind of eh about it. If you have a family with someone a decade younger than you then you've got to give some thought to where their head is at and why they might see the sitch as fair or unfair and what their other options truly are. These things are bound to happen if you don't look at it from their point of view.

I wouldn't call what she did hypergamy. It was more of a decision based upon wanting to be in a relationship where her needs were as important as her partner's needs. Her needs were different to his because of the age gap. Once she'd decided it was time to get out she made the changes to do that.

WyvernEnigma · 2015-08-05T13:55:03+00:00

The mistake here was that he expected her to stay with him once her SMV dramatically improved. She was putting effort into fitness and beauty, and he apparently did nothing other than support these changes (guy supports his significant other getting hotter? Ya don't say!)

It seems like the only thing he has to offer her that the higher SMV men don't is the fact that he didn't judge her when she was fat. Unfortunately, that fact doesn't necessarily earn loyalty, especially if the relationship was casual (not married, no kids). Why didn't he work on improving his SMV to match her instead of expecting "but I accepted you when you were uglier" to keep her attracted?

Look at it this way: skinny Beta Bob dates a fat frumpy chick, Tubbelina, in high school. He goes off to college, gets fit, gets a good education. Tubbelina does nothing and gets a degree in underwater basket genders. Beta Bob (now going by his middle name, Alpha Alfred) can do a lot better now. A LOT. Tubbelina reminds him that they never officially broke up and that he owes it to her to stay because she loved him before he was hot. Should he stay?

The answer is, for the most part, no. The one exception I'd say is if kids are in the picture in which case it's better to grit your teeth and strongly encourage your partner to live a healthier lifestyle. But all I see here is "waaah, she put in effort and I didn't but she owes me one for loving her fat ass before!". No, SMV doesn't work that way. You don't get the swan for loving the ugly duckling. You get the swan by becoming a swan yourself.

GridReXX · 2015-08-05T13:48:00+00:00

This is a trend with men and women.

Loses weight, starts dressing better.

Starts getting attengion from other people.

Starts appreciating the attention from other people.

Starts to question if their SO is on their level or if they could get better or hotter.

Some give in and cheat/ break up.

Some don't and stay in their relationship.

But these thoughts are going to happen if someone starts improving the way they look and are noticed for it.

| E D I T |

Drake is a great example of this.

He's a rapper who people joke about for being emo and not "hard" (both in body and spirit).

Recently his body has gotten more lean and more defined.

He's clearly been lifting.

He has this amazing beard now.

He looks good and he knows it.

Even he tweeted about how his Instagram comments are suddenly full of "googly heart" emojis and women fawning over his looks.

He appreciates it.

SmurfESmurferson · 2015-08-05T16:04:07+00:00

Eh, I think people are seeing the symptoms but missing the cause.

When you totally change your lifestyle, it takes a toll on a marriage. The partner may not want (or be able to) change to stay "in sync" with you. Same with your old friends.

IMO, here's where the problem lays: both spouses took for granted the other one, and the fact that they'd always be in sync. Lazy Lou needed to put some effort into finding a project he'd enjoy. Gym Bunny Ginnie needs to make it a point to veg out with hubby, or maintain some happy hours with him, or whatever. She can't abandon everything.

So you start seeking a new, supportive social group. These people support your new hobby, and prioritize it in similar ways. You have more common with these people, while your partner is sitting at home doing the same old thing you put effort into breaking away from.

Soon you meet someone with whom there's a spark of attraction ...

kick6 · 2015-08-05T18:53:24+00:00

If your purpose is an attempt to confirm hypergamy/AWALT you might also research what I like to call the "Sarah plain and tall gets implants" phenomenon. It results in the same sort of things you're seeing with significant weight loss.

[deleted] · 2015-08-05T20:54:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

grendalor · 2015-08-05T15:14:13+00:00

A key for any relationship is maintaining the same "SMV Delta" that existed at the beginning of the relationship, because that sets the baseline for the relationship and what the expectations of each were going into it.

If either party goes up more than 1 SMV or down more than 1 SMV without the other party moving in tandem, it will often destroy the relationship, precisely because that SMV Delta is not what they signed up for, and so the basis of the relationship, in terms of relative attractiveness levels, is destroyed.

From a man's point of view, therefore, the best approach is to increase your own SMV to its peak, but do it in a sustainable way (that is, a way you can commit to keeping up for life), and then attract the highest SMV woman you can who is also at her peak. That way the SMV will be more sustainable, at least from your own personal risk management POV. If she's already at her peak, or very close to it, there isn't much risk she will improve beyond you, and if you're at your peak, you're less likely to go undershooting for women who are not at theirs, and may very well decide to improve beyond you at some point.

A fairly recent anecdote on this. There is a woman in my workplace who has been with us for about 10-12 years now. She is now in her later 40s and was in her mid 30s when she arrived. When she arrived, she looked like a typical suburban Mom: Mom hairstyle, classy but not sexy attire, maybe a few extra pounds (not fat, but not thin, either, what you expect of someone who had a couple of kids along the way). Her H, whom we saw a few times back then, was also typical, although he was letting himself go a bit more -- also not fat, but flabbier than he likely was at peak form, kind of a "Dad bod" type and a bit of a suburban beta -- successful financially, but not an alpha male by nature. Well, a few years later she decides she wants to go sexier again, and everything changes over the course of a year or so -- I mean, everything. Hair becomes younger and sexier, clothes now skintight or otherwise revealing and heels are always quite high, physique is worked on so no more extra pounds and a quite firm, tight body, and .... eventually no more ring being worn, and separated from H, but of course. Divorce followed later, and she is now on the lookout for another, but despite her appearance (her revised self is very attractive and looks at least -10 her actual age), her two kids and divorced status impede her in obtaining commitment from a high quality guy (although I'm fairly sure she isn't close to being celibate). The point is this: if you are in a marriage like that, and your spouse starts to re-hotify herself, you'd better get busy fast doing the same to yourself if you want to avoid being divorced. You may still not make it, if she has more improvement room than you do, or the delta between you was too small when you married, but if you don't do it, you have no chance at all.

winndixie · 2015-08-05T14:27:57+00:00

Have you guys seen the end of House of Cards Season 3?

Title	Bluepill CMV-Case study on Hypergamy 101: "Girlfriend/wife lost weight then dumped me/divorce raped me"
Author	Xemnas81
Upvotes	3
Comments	152
Date	August 5, 2015 1:30 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3fvghj/bluepill_cmvcase_study_on_hypergamy_101/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/bluepill-cmv-case-study-on-hypergamy-101.280483 https://theredarchive.com/post/280483

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