CMV : The friendzone doesn't exist

OHYEAHITSMEBABY · 2015-04-20T00:52:12+00:00

There is no friendzone in TRP, they make it pretty clear that it doesn't exist.

"The Friendzone" isn't a Redpill thing, its a bluepill thing.

Where the Bluepiller sees "She just wants to be friends", TRP Sees "She doesn't like you".

The main difference is how you react, typically bluepillers still hang out with them. TRPers don't. While this most likely makes TRPers bad friends, its just the truth. You have no right to force a girl to like you, and she has no right to make you stay her friend.

CisWhiteMaelstrom · 2015-04-20T01:02:36+00:00

The friendzone basically means that your romantic interest rejected you

No, it doesn't. It means that you, as a male, have given away your commitment for free without getting anything in return. You likely do not treat her as a friend but rather as a girlfriend while she demand much more from you than her other friends, because you've shown that you'll give it. They abuse your hopefulness and pretend you are only in it for friendship/servitude.

Either stay friends with them or just tell them you can't be friends because you want something more and move on. Why stay in the "friendzone" if you hate it ? That's completely illogical . The friendzone doesn't exist , it's you that allow yourself to be in a situation that you hate.

Spoken like a true red piller. Welcome to the club.

ECoast_Man · 2015-04-20T01:00:59+00:00

Don't be stupid.

It means this, but do you know how many women don't tell men this? They just enjoy having men around who think they might get some of that pussy but never do.

cxj · 2015-04-20T04:09:43+00:00

The friend-zone definitely exists, but it is extremely simple to remove yourself from it, and only you can make that choice. People complaining about the friend zone are really complaining about unrequited love. I sympathize with the teenagers and early college dudes who get friend zoned, but after one or two times you really need to learn to read attraction/interest ques well enough to gauge whether shes into you without directly asking her. Escalation always comes with risk, but this can be minimized via reading body language. Seduction/TRP is a GREAT resource for learning how to do this for guys who struggle. Since I first read the game over 5 years ago, I have not been "friend zoned" once since, I just read her cues and move on.

exit_sandman · 2015-04-20T07:26:23+00:00

Not that again...

Here's what I wrote a couple of month ago on that subject:

This will be longer (I will stick to the more common version with the man in the friendzone here).

What is friendzoning and what are the potential consequences? Being in a friendzone means being in a platonic relationship with feelings of a one-sided infatuation (ala unrequited love) involved. The friendzone can be a very close friendship, where the guy is treated as some kind of surrogate boyfriend, or just a relationship where he is orbitting her. The motivations may also vary - sometimes the woman is genuinely appreciating what she considers a great, possibly even perfect friendship (and rationalizes away any doubts that it's actually only her who is happy the way it is); sometimes she is unapologetically exploiting him as and only uses him when she needs something.

The man is investing into the relationship (emotionally, socially, materially...) to convince her of the sincerity of his feelings and in hope of her recognizing it and reciprocating. And while she accepts these investments with little to no hesitation (accepts his gifts, gets attention and validation from him, may even become jealous if he drifts away from her because of another girl etc.) and usually is on some level aware of his feelings (or is acutely aware after he finally came forward, but managed to convince him to accept a friendship instead), she never intends to reciprocate.

It's comparable to the friends-with-benefits-zone for a woman - she is having sex with a man she desires in the hope of being able to make him fall for her. He is accepting the sex, but despite being aware of her feelings, he never intends to upgrade their relationship. However, I rarely hear of men engaging in that kind of behavior and that they're guilt-tripping their plates into staying with them ("this ~~friendship~~ purely sexual relationship means so much to me", "let's just be ~~friends~~ fuckbuddies", "you are the only one who ~~understands~~ satisfies me", "maybe I'll develop feelings" etc.).

Now you may argue that a guy shouldn't expect to make a girl fall in love with him by just "being nice" to her (aka investing in him), but this ignores the responsibility of the woman who gladly accepts all the perks of that arrangement but never intends to hold up her end of that unspoken bargain (and is actually somewhat problematic because this basically means "if he is helpful and considerable, it's his fault if he is taken advantage of").

Besides, it ignores the fact that the guy's emotional investment and the psychological toll unrequited love may have on a person. Here's an interesting study about this: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/07/100722142201.htm

"This brain imaging study of individuals who were still 'in love' with their rejecter supplies further evidence that the passion of 'romantic love' is a goal-oriented motivation state, rather than a specific emotion" the researchers concluded, noting that brain imaging showed some similarities between romantic rejection and cocaine craving.

"The findings are consistent with the hypothesis that romantic love is a specific form of addiction."

The study also helps to explain "why feelings and behaviors related to romantic rejection are difficult to control" and "why extreme behaviors associated with romantic rejection such as stalking, homicide, suicide, and clinical depression occur in cultures all over the world", the researchers wrote.

In the context of the friendzone this essentially means that a person who would be better off "going cold turkey" (i.e. cutting contact with his love interest to get out of the state where he is emotionally invested) has instead a perspective of friendship and by extension the hope of a romantic relationship (though this only exists in his head) dangled in front of his nose; which to someone who is hopelessly in love is like giving the junkie the promise of a shot and periodically giving him a bit just to keep him on the hook. Basically, it's actively trying to prevent someone from recovering when all he could do to become better was being left alone and coming to terms with the fact that the best available option for him would be without her.

What isn't friendzoning? Well, generally a woman isn't responsible for the well-being of every person who falls for her as long as she doesn't actively try to profit from it.

A woman who, once she is reasonably certain that a guy has fallen for her, freezes out of that relationship out of her own accord because she considers the situation too awkward and is realistic about the odds of him being able to live with a mere friendship, isn't friendzoning. She accepts that it doesn't work out if her friend won't get what he desires (a romantic relationship), so she in turn doesn't try to coax him into the type of relationship she desires (a platonic friendship). It might hurt, but she doesn't try to take advantage of him.

A woman who has an admirer she isn't that close in the first place to, and whose potential for tokens of affection into a relationship she doesn't exploit (i.e. she doesn't use him for favors, as an emotional tampon etc.), isn't friendzoning either. As I said above, she isn't responsible for the feelings of every guy who is falling for her.

And finally, she should at least have a clue. Of course deniability becomes less and less plausible the more attentive, generous and self-sacrificing the orbiter is, but sometimes women are indeed really oblivious (and don't even harbor any remote suspicions) about what's going on. Two real life-examples:

a friend of mine at college (who already had a boyfriend) had a guy friend whom she was regularly hanging out with. Now at one point he had invited her to accompany her to a concert of a band she liked and she was indeed willing to go, but a missent SMS made it clear that he was actually into her. She was dumbstruck because she hadn't expected that, and she had never displayed any dissatisfaction with her relationship. I (being very familiar with the dynamics of friendzone relationships) suggested that she shouldn't take him up on his offer and also abstain from accepting any further "gifts" from him if she didn't want to send mixed messages, and while she mumbled something along the lines of "hmm, you're probably right..." she still was sorely tempted despite knowing what she was getting into - "but it's a concert from band XYZ...". Mind you, she was a perfectly sweet person, yet she also perfectly willing to milk the situation for what it was worth (I have to say that I was rather disappointed in her). Up to that point, I wouldn't have blamed her for anything, but after that it would have been on her.
a girl I knew was regularly hanging out with a (really handsome) Norvegian exchange student who was taking her to movies, theaters etc. where he was paying. As she told us and kinda complained that she didn't know where she was with him (I assume that she was insecure because he was somewhat out of her league looks-wise), and as I flat-out told her that guys don't regularly take mere platonic friends to outings on their dime and that she can be pretty certain that he's into her, but also that he won't make the last step (as I said, he was from Norway, i.e. a country with a very strong "don't be that guy"-culture). Judging from the way she beamed once hearing that, it is safe to assume that she up until that point indeed had no real clue what he was up to (though the sad part is that I don't even know whether it worked out at least temporary between the two of them). So yeah, no friendzoning here either.

ManRAh · 2015-04-20T19:23:06+00:00

"The Friendzone" is sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy for any guy who is unattractive to his target but who fails to give up and move on. Sure, there are women out there who milk these guys for all the resources and attention they can get, but I think in most cases the Zone exists due to the efforts of the men in most cases, not the woman. The man is desperate for the affects of the woman, and so builds the Friendship dynamic hoping to segue into a romantic relationship.

TL;DR: It exists, but not because women put men there. It exists because men think attraction will just spring out of friendship.

[deleted] · 2015-04-20T01:05:39+00:00

For women to relate somehow, the female equivalent to a "friendzone" would be the fuckzone or the platezone.

In a friendzone, the man is doing things to please a woman in order to obtain sex.

In a fuckzone, the woman is doing things to please a man in order to obtain commitment.

Back to that whole thing about women being gatekeepers of sex and men being gatekeepers of commitment.

I agree with the TRP that the friendzone is not real. It is always a man's responsibility to express his sexual desires and not hide them in order to stay in good favor of a woman.

Pussy off the pedestal. Don't be a time hoe.

DrunkenOni · 2015-04-20T01:35:19+00:00

I'm actually confused about if you're taking a BP stance trying to understand how RP views friendzone or visa versa because the way you phrased it sounds incredibly RP but your question is phrased like BP.

alreadyredschool · 2015-04-20T09:21:37+00:00

The friendzone doesn't exist

Either stay friends with them...

Do you even read what you write?

alcockell · 2015-04-20T11:25:57+00:00

When Harry Met Sally covered this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8kpYm-6nuE

wazzup987 · 2015-04-20T13:31:50+00:00

Friend zone exist but it require a certain amount of dishonestly, cluelessness, or nativity not found in mature adults from one or both parties.

In a lot guys i would wager they want a relationship not just sex wit the person in question.

Also the friend arise from a bad case of oneitis and not playing the field until you have some thing locked down, and no sense of abundance.

And yes a woman can manipulate a guy in the friend because he is emotional vulnerable to said woman. but really it comes down to honesty either with your self or the person friend zoning you.

MindTheFuture · 2015-04-22T15:51:15+00:00

Yeah. You can be and stay friends, but it is awkward if the other wants something more and the other doesn't. Keeping the lust and crush suppressed is awkward, and while possible, tend to create tensions and suffering.

chazzALB · 2015-04-22T17:16:41+00:00

The friend zone is a toxic friendship where one person (of any gender) leads another person (of any gender) along with the promise of something more(not necessarily sex).

So the idea that only men get caught in the friend zone is false.

The idea that people who talk about being in the friend zone are whiny and entitled is false.

The idea that believing in the friend zone promotes rape culture is false.

lolobviously · 2015-04-20T01:15:22+00:00

Welcome to The Red Pill. Enjoy your stay.

Title	CMV : The friendzone doesn't exist
Author	HappilySingleWoman
Upvotes	6
Comments	61
Date	April 20, 2015 12:45 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/336km8/cmv_the_friendzone_doesnt_exist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-the-friendzone-doesnt-exist.282576 https://theredarchive.com/post/282576

Comments