How much is 'feeling safe' a predictor for successful dating?

leosandlattes · 2025-06-03T15:32:30+00:00

In Red Pill Women, we have something called "dominance theory" that basically states successful relationships balance excitement vs. safety, and that different women require a different balance of each. Too many "alpha traits" (excitement, spontaneity, authority) and not enough "beta traits" (safety, comfort, stability) results in fear. Meanwhile, too much beta and not enough alpha results in disgust. In all successful relationships, there will always be some requirement of safety. A relationship cannot function without it, though that level of requirement varies woman to woman.

My dates are more successful when I feel safe, but to be very honest I have my guard up around men nearly all of the time so it's a huge deal for me. That's part of why I never used dating apps and only dated within my social circles. I lean toward preferring a higher proportion of comfort and safety, which is also why I've never hooked up with a stranger.

For me, I feel safer when I somewhat know that man, he's been vetted by the social circle, and he checks in with me and my boundaries (verbally or otherwise). His general demeanor matters too, like the tone with which he speaks, not just to me but to others too.

floracalendula · 2025-06-03T16:56:28+00:00

For me, the likelihood that I'm getting any is predicated on me feeling safe enough to get that vulnerable with him. So... "make me feel safe" is like the number one "home run with Flora" tip. And if I'm comfortable enough for that and it's also a good time, you're gonna have a tough time getting rid of me.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-06-03T16:01:42+00:00

Feeling safe for the woman is more of a binary requirement than a quality factor.

It’s much like the steering wheel of a car. If a car does not have a steering wheel, you’re not going to want to drive it, regardless of how exotic are awesome the car is. If the car does have a steering wheel, you’re not going to focus on the steering wheel, you will be free to focus on other aspects of the car and whether you like it or not.

You would never say “oh my God that car had such a nice steering wheel!”

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Werevulvi · 2025-06-04T22:38:02+00:00

For me, "feeling safe" is basically just getting the vibe (based on actions, mannerisms, word choice, etc) that the person is trustworthy, which I'd say is pretty important to dating. And yes for both partners, absolutely. I wouldn't go as far as saying it's a predictor for succesful dating, but definitely a good foundation to build on.

bjwindow2thesoul · 2025-06-05T11:03:35+00:00

For me, i feel unsafe if they allude to sex too early or, give f-boy vibes. But I can not say this had been a good predictor, even though you weed out f-boys. I do not have a good creep/rapist filter. Especially a filter to avoid men who think consent the first time means eternal consent

For a longer relationship the "safe" feeling is when he not only accept me as i am with AuDHD and dark humor, but loves me for it. Also, that hes dependable and would be there for me in an emergency or if i got sick. I have this with my now bf, not always been the case with earlier relationships

RealityCold4693 · 2025-06-05T23:13:13+00:00

Definition of emotional safety because a lot of women emotional safety is emotional abuse

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-06-03T16:52:46+00:00

I make people feel extremely physically and emotionally safe. I don't know exactly how i do it, but i get told that by everyone, even other men that i have just met. A big portion of how i make people feel comes from looking trustworthy and safe, and from being non-judgemental, calm, actively listening, non-needy, resting in myself and confident. People say i have an aura that is inviting and makes me seem trustworthy. Others say it's in my eyes. Overall, women and men trust me and open up emotionally and trust me with their bodies. Usually, not even 15 minutes into talking to a woman, she hands over all her most private information about her psyche, relationship issues, life struggles, therapies, etc., with me just doing minor curious prompts.

For my personal mating strategy/personality, making people feel safe, being non-judgmental and curious, and by extension, reading them and giving them what they want/need and what others do not give them, is THE major thing that makes me successful at dating. There are, of course, other mating strategies suited for other personalities, and being the dangerous guy who they can never really get and who is more concerned about himself than about others is also quite successful. Making others feel safe is not a requirement for successful dating.

Title	How much is 'feeling safe' a predictor for successful dating?
Author	merlando123
Upvotes	3
Comments	33
Date	June 3, 2025 11:33 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1l29jyj/how_much_is_feeling_safe_a_predictor_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-much-is-feeling-safe-a-predictor-for.1553828 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553828

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