not all confidence is looked at the same

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-07T12:29:12+00:00

Removed for OP abandonment

OkProfessional9405 · 2022-12-07T04:38:32+00:00

One area that women use in calculating attraction that men don't is social proof. Women notice other women being attracted to a man and his appeal goes up. Women notice how other men look at and treat a man respect wise and his appeal goes up. This is one of the reason bully/jerk types can get women, women can see social proof that other men fear him a bit.

Whether it's raw physical attractiveness or that social proof, if you are lacking either you will just be seen as less.

If you are below the cut (roughly bottom 80%) you are essentially invisible.

ThorLives · 2022-12-07T05:26:42+00:00

A while back, I came to the conclusion that when women say they want "confidence", they actually use the word to smuggle-in a bunch of other attributes underneath it.

When men use the word "confidence" they mean simply that a person has a self-belief in themselves and give an air of knowing things will work out for them.

When women use the word "confidence", they mean the previous definition PLUS they mean that a guy is capable and competent in lots of ways - socially, emotionally, intellectually, technically competent. For example, he's "socially capable" means that he's funny and interesting and well-respected by others, other people want to be around him, men want to be him, and women want to be with him. That's smuggling in a lot more attributes under the word "confident". Using the phrase "he is confident" to mean "he is self-assured and highly respected by other people because he is funny and entertaining and everybody wants to hang out with him" is really stretching the definition of "confidence" to include a LOT of other attributes. Honestly, I feel like it's an abuse of the English language to smuggle in a bunch of other unrelated attributes under that single term. If a man is simply "confident" (according to the male definition), but isn't socially popular, then they'll just call it "arrogance".

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-12-07T06:53:36+00:00

Confidence is most definitely important but it's not everything you have to have handsome looks to go along with that confidence. Women are attracted to most ball players and find a very handsome. But when it comes to what's attractive to women, there's one size fits all. You can do everything in your power, you can everything you can short of death and insanity to become extremely attractive, you will never attract ALL women nor should you want to. All you need to do is become attractive to the women that you find attractive even then you're not going to attract all the women that you find attractive but as a man if you gotten yourself to a loved where you attract at least most women you find attractive then that's all that matters. A nerd could turn on a girl as much as a buff dude because he doesn't look nerdy. He just has nerdy interests. Women are attracted to nerds who don't look like nerds. It all depends on how a woman perceives a guy and how she feels about him. What she thinks of you is irrelevant compared to how she feels about you.

Suriels_cat · 2022-12-07T05:27:06+00:00

This isn't limited to men. This is true for everyone.

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AstuteBlackMan · 2022-12-07T06:23:46+00:00

It’s not that confidence isn’t look at the same it’s just that other factors matter besides confidence.

That nerdy beta guy will still attract women because he’s confident happy and pursuing his own goals.

The other guy however has more desirable looks money status traits.

In the end both are winning.

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2022-12-07T06:23:08+00:00

This applies to almost any colloquial use of language to describe people. Our traits interact after all, we're not just a collection of static rpg stats. Both of us might have a general sense of what counts as confidence, but I will probably loop in something you don't, and vice versa. And when you communicate that across many people, you get a lot of fuzzy overlaps.

Your best bet for individual success is not to establish a grandiose model that universally applies - it's to establish a model that applies most to your local environment and target demographic and cultivate that. Play your meta for maximum effectiveness, or find a meta more suitable to your strengths elsewhere (be it a change of scenery or crowd of people you socialize with).

MuchMethod7039 · 2022-12-07T08:13:10+00:00

Yes, not all confidence looks the same-- not only for men but also for women. We simply have to accept the reality, that there will always be people who have it better than us, who don't have to work as hard, etc. There is nothing we can do to change that fact, so all we can do is live our own fullest life.

Confidence does matter. It improves your standing, but still, there are always people who have it better.

washington_breadstix · 2022-12-07T10:30:34+00:00

Isn't this just the halo effect? People tend to perceive attractive people as funnier, nicer, more skilled, smarter, etc. etc., even when there is categorically no evidence that the more attractive person is better in any way other than attractiveness. And sometimes that happens even when there is evidence that the less attractive person is better in those other ways. The less attractive someone is, the harder they'll have to work to get any of their other positive traits acknowledged.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2022-12-07T11:49:45+00:00

You know, I always hear these stories about ultra confident nerds who are still incels. And I go like "say what?". If there is one common trait I've noticed among sexually unsuccessful men it is their lack of self esteem and confidence in themselves. Confidence is actually not common at all. I define confidence as lovingly not giving a fuck about the outcome. Can you tell me how many men you know like that?

The other guy you were referring to doesn't sound confident at all. He sounds like someone using humor to try and impress others and fit in. That's not confidence. Confidence is looking at a women, smiling at her and communicating with your eyes that you will fuck her brains out and get the job done.

How many of your super confident nerdy friends can do that?

obviousredflag · 2022-12-07T11:55:57+00:00

Nobody ever said being confident is enough to be attractive to women. You need to match or surpass the respective woman's mate value. Confidence is a part of your mate value calculation.

Regarding your observation about "being funny", this has nothing to do with confidence, but all with mate value. To quote a book about humor in human mating:

Thus, humor production, comprehension, and appreciation can be conceptually, functionally, and psychometrically distinguished. Humor comprehension is positively correlated with both production and appreciation, but appreciation and production show little association—nor should they, from a sexual-signaling viewpoint. Thus, while people do show stable individual differences in humor appreciation (e.g., Köhler & Ruch, 1996; Koppel & Sechrest, 1970), these individual differences do not necessarily represent an underlying ability (Wierzbicki & Young, 1978). Humor appreciation (mirthfulness) may instead represent a type of matechoice threshold that tacitly incorporates one’s knowledge of one’s own mate value and likely success in a competitive mating market. The sexually desperate should laugh at almost everything; the sexually choosy should be very hard to amuse.

The mate value of the basketballer was higher than that of his female audience, so they laugh at everything he says, regardless of it's actual humoristic quality. The mate value of the guy with better humor was overall lower than that of the respective women, so they had a higher threshold to be amused by this guy. The guy's audience in class with dudes and teachers included, was not affected by matechoice dynamics, so they could react to his jokes according to how funny they actually were. The women who laughed were on his mate value level or lower.

Title	not all confidence is looked at the same
Author	ApplesauceThegod
Upvotes	12
Comments	19
Date	December 7, 2022 4:25 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zerx2c/not_all_confidence_is_looked_at_the_same/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/not-all-confidence-is-looked-at-the-same.1142626 https://theredarchive.com/post/1142626

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