Two quick things that I would love your thoughts on.

Eastuss · 2018-03-26T07:35:06+00:00

I think the second one strikes right.

When I'm annoyed by my SO's demands, it's because I know it's unilateral, she won't reciprocate it in any way, and if I don't address her demands she might emotionally punish me.

There this "It's always men's fault" feeling with some women that is always very infuriating.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2018-03-26T13:12:11+00:00

It depends on who is seen as needy and whom is seen as independent.

But in general, people want a "balance." We could argue where the "typical" member of each sex's balance lies. But on average, the reason the romance novel works so well for (typical) women is the man is super strong and independent and awesome... but in some specific, limited way, needs her and as such will let her enlist his agency in her service. Think Christian Grey; he needs Anastasia as a way to feel psychologically whole/fixed/complete/loved/etc. If you're saying "this is vague" that's the point... the (typical) woman wants the man to be independent and powerful in material terms, but in some hard-to-describe important-but-not-physical way he must need her. So that he will be a "bad boy" who's only "good" for her.

Men? Well just as the typical woman's desires are conflicted there will be conflicted aspects to the typical man's desires too. He doesn't want her to be a parasitic psycho Cluster B Princess. Audition and Fatal Attraction are horror movies for a reason. He doesn't really want her to be completely stalker-obsessed with him. He wants his space, his "guys nights out" etc.

At the same time, most men actually like women to display some competence and agency of their own; take a look at any classical "goddess of love" figure. They could generally hold their own and function without men's assistance. They weren't pathetic cream-puffs!

But he wants to be desired, craved, loved, even selected above other men. He wants her to desire and 'need' him in that way. To think of him as special, as better than other guys.

The truly 100% "does not care about others" person is a malignant psychopath and not genuinely an object of desire (before anyone talks about hybristophilia, remember all of those jail love letters involve the woman writer going into romantic fantasies about "how you'll commit murder only for me because I can heal your pain!" etc... the writers are imagining he's just misunderstood, not an actual malignant psychopath). By the same token there are very, very few men who found the torture scene in Audition to be erotic.

Everyone wants to feel wanted, so the idea of a partner who doesn't really want or need you is kind of unpleasant in some ways. At the same time, there's "I want you and I like you and you make my life more pleasant" and then there's Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. Or the genderflipped version.

People want a balance.

ThirdEyeSqueegeed · 2018-03-26T12:58:59+00:00

The first one is basically saying that she doesn't need you but she wants you. She has a genuine desire for you. You're her lover, not her father.

This is what most men would want, I reckon.

Second comment is about being in a relationship that is reciprocal over one that is parasitic. No sane man wants to be the host for a parasite to feed off.

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ganso_bum · 2018-03-26T10:05:14+00:00

The important dimension is "entitled" vs "reciprocal".

I don't even believe in this one, because you can be both at the exact same time.

wekacuck · 2018-03-26T13:29:45+00:00

To me these are saying the same thing from slightly different points of origin.

Whisper's version is anchored in scarcity mentality which is fairly common on TRP.

Jammerly1 · 2018-03-27T05:04:04+00:00

It depends on the man's level of maturity. It's all about the win for most guys. If he can get a girl he wants to want him freely, great, otherwise it's about pecking at her insecurities and sequestering her from resources until her neediness kicks in, which is basically what TRP and by extension, Patriarchy, is all about.

Title	Two quick things that I would love your thoughts on.
Author	DefiantShallot
Upvotes	2
Comments	41
Date	March 26, 2018 6:39 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8772le/two_quick_things_that_i_would_love_your_thoughts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/two-quick-things-that-i-would-love-your-thoughts.263106 https://theredarchive.com/post/263106

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