Avoiding Burnout?

ILoveCuteKitties · 2020-11-09T18:38:28+00:00

I know this isn’t very red pill but it’s my experience. You can’t do it all. When you have kids the house just isn’t going to be perfect. Period. Unless you’re living in filth, your husband may need to adjust his expectations. Homeschooling is a hell of a commitment. Put working out and losing weight at the top of your priority list. Maybe laundry just gets clean but not folded. You can clean your house in a weekend but you can’t make up a week of workouts on a weekend. Another possible avenue is focusing on hitt routines 3-4 times a week for 20 minutes to max your time spent working out. Homeschooling done right is a full time job. When two people work, two people clean even if you do 70 and he does 30 because you’re home. You have a husband problem if the marriage is miserable when the house isn’t clean. I have so so so learned my lesson on this burning myself out and gaining weight when I was working full time and responsible for all the housework. As you work out and regain your health your energy will come up as well and make it so you can do more. Being red pill doesn’t mean we are doormats. It sounds like your husband isn’t carrying his weight and if you are working part time and homeschooling he doesn’t get to demand the full time housewife experience.

Outrageous_Pause_715 · 2020-11-09T17:55:04+00:00

They say the definition of insanity is....

You know the rest.

It can be very helpful to do the obvious thing - making a list of the things you CAN and CAN'T control. And sitting with the uncomfortable feeling of writing them all out. Especially when you want to move on to something else because you're actually getting to the root of things.

I usually have to sit with my eyes closed and pay attention to my breath because I'm uncomfortable once I feel like I'm about to stop the activity.

The other thing is - ask for help from your hubby. It may be interesting to ask him for help and be vulnerable that everything you've tried on your own isn't working and sweeten him up with the suggestion of trying a cleaner once a week, but only after having a non-emotionally charged conversation.

We all have our patterns when we want to shut communication down, so talking to him about shutting you down (and how it's not helping you) when you suggest a cleaner may help. It may take a couple goes to get him there, but also do it when you have him in a good mood uptick. Keep working it till it works.

G'luck!

teaandtalk · 2020-11-09T20:13:15+00:00

Find out what your husband notices/cares about in the house, and relax on the rest. Mine notices clutter but doesn't care about dust. I let him know I was struggling and asked him to let me know his house cleaning priorities.

thesillymachine · 2020-11-10T05:36:03+00:00

I'm going to be honest here. This is not burnout, but overload.

Being a SAHM, especially one who homeschools multiple children, is a full-time in itself. Yes, as one you do have to make time for yourself. You're doing too much by also working.

How are you homeschooling? Are you using a full curriculum or going with a more un-schooling approach? Is it heavily structured and scheduled or do you have freedom to make schedules and have lax days? Can you include homemaking and exercise into the lessons, so everyone can take care of themselves?

AquaSerenityPhoenix · 2020-11-09T22:52:46+00:00

I agree with u/teaandtalk. I have many of the same issues and this seems to be helping me not get overwhelmed.

Also not letting myself feel guilt over it helped a lot too.

smallmonotony · 2020-11-09T17:38:38+00:00

I think the easiest thing would be to just schedule your days and weeks better. So for the cleaning aspect, designate each day of the week for a certain task (cleaning bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchen, dusting, vacuuming) and each day make sure the counters are clear and a load of laundry gets put on. So in total you're maybe spending 20 or 30 mins a day on that. Look up the clean mama schedule for a better explanation. I would say there's no need to go to the gym since there are so many you could do from home that are effective and don't need that much (if any) equipment. I do a HIIT workout that's only 20 mins but burns around 200 calories And I know you mentioned you don't like working out at home but if you're going to rely on exercise to help you loose weight you're gonna have to do it before your kids wake up or after they go to sleep. And to go with that I usually intermittent fast so I only have to worry about two meals and makes it so I usually don't end up over eating. And sorry if this sounds like tough love, but I think it's possible to have it all (healthy weight, clean house, good relationship), you just can't make excuses and you have to plan your days so that you can find that balance.

-sosedka- · 2020-11-10T14:59:30+00:00

Hi from fellow messy person 🙋🏻‍♀️ 1) I know cleaners seem expensive but 100% worth looking into — there is a range! We are paying for weekly cleaning service a lot less than many of our friends, because a) it’s weekly, b) we had a budget, so we just found a team of people who were working for less. They are not perfect but a huge help. You can ask you husband nicely, explain that you feel burned out/overloaded and just need a bit of help to be your best help. 2) And the another thing that helped me is youtuber vasseurbeauty. She has A LOT of tips and tricks, I pretty much watch her whenever I have a have opportunity to listen to something. Her cleaning routines and tips for being neat definitely moved the needle for me.

FootHiker · 2020-11-09T17:32:07+00:00

Can you workout when the kid is in pre-school?, plus a 4 year old shouldn’t need constant attention.(unless the child has special needs). For about $150 a month you could also do unlimited fitness classes at many gyms. 1 hour in and out. Good luck.

Title	Avoiding Burnout?
Author	anothergoodbook
Upvotes	14
Comments	25
Date	November 9, 2020 5:26 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/jr1x3w/avoiding_burnout/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/avoiding-burnout.338686 https://theredarchive.com/post/338686

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