Defining Sluthood

_wingnut_ · 2016-07-31T22:00:39+00:00

i think the worst side effect of sluts is the ramping up of the sexual arms race for the expectations on non-slutty women. first sluts were just the women who put out, so when regular women starting giving it up, sluts gave anal, which makes regular women have to compete with sluts by giving anal, so now sluts give threesomes. now GFs and wives are expected to provide threesomes because if they dont, some "slut" will will

AliceOxalis · 2016-07-31T21:10:10+00:00

Sluts threaten to disrupt in tact relationships and (especially) families.

Sluts don’t threaten men-they may offend us, or tempt us, amuse us, or irritate us-but sluts very much threaten non-slutty women

This is so true. Just the other day I read an r/relationships post where OP was annoyed that his wife disliked and was jealous of his younger, promiscuous, divorced secretary who was hitting on him. He claimed to be blind to the secretary's flirting (code: he was flattered and didn't want to admit it) So poor wife with a young baby has to compete with a free unattached divorcé, who of course the husband would never dream of firing, since his secretary's feelings are one thousand times more important than his wife's. Nothing to see here, move along folks!

Unfortunately, that's just what you have to put up with now. With workplaces mixed and promiscuity the norm, what choice does a wife have? She can try to keep conniving shameless homewreckers away from him, or she can chill and be the "cool wife" and just hope she stays lucky.

PhantomDream09 · 2016-07-31T23:18:48+00:00

I think the concept of a 'male slut' is stupid, and makes no sense. The ability to acquire sex and attention from men is one of the markers by which you identify that a man is desirable, attractive. Calling a man a 'slut' is meaningless because the word 'slut' has a decidedly negative connotation that does not, and (in my opinion) really can't be applied to men.

We've talked a bit about this before: men can get relationships easily - the challenge for them is all about whether or not they can get sex consistently. Any man could be a husband or a boyfriend, but no one is really going to respect him if it's obvious that his bedroom is dead (no sex life often expresses itself in other ways as well - particularly in how the wife/GF treats, reacts, speaks about him, and speaks to him).

On the other hand, it's very easy for most women to get sex. The challenge for women is "can she earn the commitment of a good man?" 'Slut' is female-focused insult. The ability to have sex with lots of men, without being emotionally invested in any of them is a masculine trait that is very off-putting to high value men that are specifically interested in finding a loving, devoted, feminine, loyal, respectful wife.

There are certain behaviors, and values that go along with being a slut. I do think some women can look slutty - but in reality they are not sluts. They may flirt heavily with men, dress in very revealing (possibly cheap looking) clothes. They will talk openly, loudly, and without discretion about sex with anyone (male or female). They enjoy the attention they get (until they don't, and that transition tends to happen once the repercussions for being perceived as a slut outweighs the excitement enjoyment of pretending to be one).

When you think of feminine women, there are certain traits and behaviors that come to mind. Happy, graceful, innocent, full of life, pleasant, intelligent, put together (physically, as well as from an overall life-accomplishment perspective), trustworthy. Men clamor to date sophisticated, well-rounded, feminine women because they can add value to a man's life and because men know that they have standards. Quality women take the time to vet men. Quality women take the time to consider their reputation, they are aware of the impression(s) they make when meeting new people, and associating with a quality woman doesn't hurt anyone's standing or reputation.

Certain behaviors (and problems) are also associated with the word "slut" - you would never describe a "slut" as someone that is well-balanced, happy, care-free, feminine, joyful, or a good judge of character. You may go to a slutty friend for sex advice, but you certainly wouldn't seek her out for advice about marriage or raising a child.

There do exist women that sleep around a lot, but they don't present themselves as 'sluts' in the way they dress, or behave in a 'slutty' way publicly. This type of woman will have an easier time earning the commitment of higher quality men (possibly) - it really depends what behavioral hang-ups and personality flaws she has. I do believe that having a high N count damages women...or that they accumulate a high N count because they had previously existing issues. Perhaps it's a feedback loop that propels itself forward. The sexually open women I have known over the course of my life were all very adamant that they loved the freedom sleeping around, and having no formal ties to men provided them with. These same women also had private moments of sheer doubt, hopelessness, confusion and anguish. Some aspect of their inner life is 'broken' or 'flawed' (depression, anxiety, problems from their childhood, anger, etc) and they seek comfort physically. It's not always done deliberately or maliciously. Physical intimacy/sex allows them to feel close to another person, cared for, bonded with. But then that person is gone, it's clear they never really valued them at all. So the woman is hurt, and she looks for the physical closeness with someone else - but maybe this time, she actively reminds herself to be less invested emotionally. I see it as a slow erosion over time that is directly proportional to the frequency with which the woman acquires new men to have sex with. When she changes her 'brand' she may well be able to look the part, but her former slut life almost always bleeds into her married life. Maybe she wasn't able to earn the commitment of a higher quality man as a direct result of the flaws she racked up by being a slut, or maybe the relationship itself develops issues and tension because of behavioral problems that were fanned during her years of wandering from bed to bed.

The ideal of the quality, feminine woman is that she has actively retained her value by limiting the number of men she has sex with. Sleeping with this woman happens after she has vetted a man for suitability, compatibility. She trusts this man enough to expose herself in a very private way.

Sluts on the other hand, are basically holding up 'free sex found here' in blazing lights. Sluts do not vet for good men, or men that are good relationship candidates. The primary concern is "am I turned on?" The problem is that, over time, those women may be less capable of being able to tell the difference between (1) quality men that they could earn commitment from and (2) hot guys that are out of their league (and only willing to have a fling).

Lots of [former] sluts get married, have kids and go on to lead happy, normal lives, to varying degrees. That said, the first step in that process generally involves overhauling their identity. They party less, stop sleeping around, improve themselves as best they can. Unfortunately, these women often start the process of improving much later (and are therefore a bit older), and they have a lot more issues to work on.

There is a fundamental difference between a naturally feminine woman with certain core values (the idea of sleeping with a stranger, or a man without any intention of establishing a long-term bond is an idea that she cannot imagine entertaining) and a woman that can separate the emotional bond/vetting process from the physical act of having sex.

Having a high N count makes you a slut by definition. You cannot be a slut if you have not racked up a lot of sexual partners. You can behave in a slutty way, and people may think of you as a slut - but you aren't one by definition. That said, being a slut (either literally, or only via perception) - is still bad. It's never a 'good thing' to be thought of as a slut.

Well, men like sluts, because they know that sluts/slutty behavior means they are more likely to score sex with that specific woman while also having to exert less effort.

This was a great post overall, thank you for sharing.

Sunhappy_DC · 2016-07-31T22:16:08+00:00

Sluts threaten to disrupt in tact relationships and (especially) families.

Sluts destroy their own ability to be trusted as a wife and mother.

Sluts devalue the sexual currency of women in general, making commitment more difficult to obtain for those who want it.

So often, people want to conflate sluthood with "sleeping around" and I think this is a mistake. There are men who definitely care about your ncount, and there are some men who will never even bother to ask because they genuinely do not care.

What most men universally care about is how you behave once you're in a relationship with THEM. Dressing like you're available, being an attention whore, flirting with men, having had fwbs (you don't care about exclusive commitment) or having several male friends --- those are bigger slut tells, to men, than whether you slept with 10 men via ONS (a few over several years) or STRs (in the pursuit of a long term relationship). When you act in a sexual way that is displeasing to the man you're currently with and hurts the sexual value of women within your social circle, you are deemed a slut. No one even has to know how many people you previously been with. In those moments, it doesn't matter.

Your past behavior can be a metric but I agree with dalrock that it is not the only contributing factor to someone calling you a slut. I think sluts are women who devalue their RMV.

myrpwi_account · 2016-08-02T22:32:22+00:00

I am a slut and I just wanted to share my thoughts for all that it worth.

I do not look back on my sluttiness with pride or feel that it has defined me, or made me who I am. Rather I feel intense regret, shame, frustration that I cannot change it, anger and disgust with myself.

When I was in my late teens, I swallowed all of the feminist garbage and lies. I am ashamed to admit this but I looked at Samantha Jones from Sex and the City as my hero. I saw women who wanted relationships as pathetic. The irony of the situation is deep down all I wanted was a strong relationship with a man I loved and a strong group of girlfriends. I had no idea how to get either, but from reading Cosmo and watching Sex and the City, partying and slutting around seemed like a good start. I have no idea how I could be so stupid.

I agree with phantomdream09 that being a slut does have lasting psychological damages. I feel guilt and shame. I wonder if people can tell just by looking at me. I have struggled vetting men and have poor impulse control. The hardest part about reading manosphere blogs, from Roosh to Hearstie, is that sinking sinking feeling that I am AWALT and I am that girl they are writing about. That I am not good marriage material, nor will I make a good mother or wife. If I was a man, I would not marry me.

Somehow I have wound up with a wonderful fiancé who is attractive, smart, ambitious, kind, and amazing. I do not deserve him. He does not deserve a cock carousel rider he deserves someone younger, more virtuous and chaste then I. But for some reason he picked me, in spite of all my flaws, not because of them. Every day I work to be the women he deserves, even though it is always out of reach. But deep down I worry. I wonder if his parents can tell? If his grandparents can tell? Do they know their (grand)son is marrying a slut? Although he has never asked for explicit details, I have told him I have done a lot of things I regret. But I always worry what if something happens one day and he ends it? What if I run into someone and they expose me? If I did not have such a terrible past I would not have to worry about this, but those are the decisions I made and the regret I must face forever.

So I would strongly recommend any young women to guard her N count and reputation carefully. Vet extensively to find a wonderful man without your shameful past weighing heavy on your shoulders. I would never recommend the party of slutty lifestyle to any women, ever. Being promiscuous will damage and destroy you. Don't be like me.

BellaScarletta · 2016-08-01T00:25:03+00:00

I really like this post and agree with the bulk of it whole heartedly (the only reason I say bulk is that I'm somewhat distracted atm and haven't had the time to really critically think)...but can someone take a crack at this last bit?

I have previously advised men not to marry sluts and women not to marry alphas, and I think this is sound advice all around. Interestingly this advice is taken differently by men and women. Men enthusiastically agreed with my advice, while women were often very troubled by it. Perhaps there is something to this double standard after all…

Why not alphas for women? Does she mean 100% alphas (or the realistic closest thing to them)? Or all alphas? Why would it be advisable to specifically seek out a beta? Then it confuses me because now I don't understand but I am second-guessing which sort of fits into the next part about women being troubled lol.

Help?

Title	Defining Sluthood
Author	Camille11325
Upvotes	12
Comments	84
Date	July 31, 2016 8:52 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4viyq9/defining_sluthood/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/defining-sluthood.209734 https://theredarchive.com/post/209734

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