It's hard to get over feminist indoctrination

Pola_Lita · 2021-12-09T03:00:23+00:00

My guess would be that you came from a home life where there existed a lot of what feminist ideology is against, otherwise you wouldn't have been drawn to those ideas in the first place. Then time passed, you saw more of the world and you realize that there is more to it all than just your own family's dynamics. That's good.

Soon you meet a man who offers a way of life that feels natural and good and really is both those things, so that's good too.

But you haven't forgotten what you learned after you left childhood and your immediate family, namely that there are lots of ways to make a life in the world. Not to mention that there are almost as many different types of men in the world. Be glad that you haven't.

One important thing is to consider carefully the pros and cons of SAHM vs. career. You're currently using an idyllic homemaker's life vs a horrible job as an example, and maybe that's just the effects of being in love. :) But the rest of your brain knows real life is good/bad, up-and-down and a lot of just in-between. Make sure you're using realistic scenarios for your comparisons.

The other is probably harder but it's REALLY important. Look at the man you're thinking of tying yourself to. Look at his qualities, his abilities, his maturity and courage, his actual stamina should things get rough. Look at his interactions with others. Co-workers, relatives, women in particular. Use common sense as well as your history together, how does he measure up? Remember, you will be putting yourself in a position that's as vulnerable and dependent as it is good by accepting the life he's offering.

Maybe it's not so much feminist indoctrination as it is logic combined with the life experience you've had so far. It may be tedious and feel like such slow-going to get this sorted, but never ignore it when your entire self doesn't feel unanimous.

MrsLadyName · 2021-12-09T02:44:25+00:00

I really struggled with the dichotomy of wanting the good-morning pancakes and to create a beautiful, spotless home yet believing relationships should be 50-50 and I shouldn't be responsible for cooking/cleaning just because I am a woman. For me, it took looking outside the division of labour and asking myself what the payoff was for each area of our lives. Turns out relationships are 50-50 after all, just not in the way the general public has decided what 50% looks like. We are equally contributing to the family by using our strengths and covering each other's' weaknesses. It's a team effort!

Examples:

I do all the cooking. It's time consuming and has a lot of prep work, but the end result is that we sit down to a healthy and cost-efficient meal, giving us a chance to connect to one another without phones or interruptions.
I do all the cleaning. At first I resisted it. It's 2021! Men can scrub a toilet! I even insisted he do some housework, but he would never get around to it and I would either seethe silently or end up doing it myself and hold it over his head. Once it was agreed upon that it was all my responsibility, that element was taken away. I can't get upset if there is a sink full of dishes because that is my chore, and there is rarely a sink full of dishes because I know it's my responsibility so I plan ahead and allocate time to do it. Surprisingly, I am the one who is happier with this arrangement!
He does all the outside-house stuff (shovelling snow, oil changes on cars, etc) I don't know how to do any of this, and some of it is tough physical labour, or takes an entire afternoon/weekend to complete. He takes that off my plate.
He works longer/harder hours to provide for us. My skillset and education pays less than half of what he is bringing in so since I can't match his value in that department, I use my skills of organization and home-making to bring value to the relationship and fill in the areas that he doesn't have time to attend to since he is working 14 hours a day.

The end result is that we have the life we both dreamed of, tag-teaming our skills/energy/strengths to create a whole picture together. Sure, there's some days I am sick of cooking, or he wishes I could relate to being so exhausted after work, but they are few and far between and our marriage has never been as strong and loving as it has been since we decided to go traditional! I hope that you will find similar happiness. My best advice is to do what works for YOU [both]. There is no right/wrong way to do things, and some ideas will resonate with you and others you can leave. Trial and error is a thing too! Just remember that it's always you and him vs. the problem and that you have your whole lives together to figure it out! Blessings to you for a long and happy marriage!

InsomniaBrigid · 2021-12-08T22:18:15+00:00

I am a stay at home parent. I struggle with being a housekeeper, wife, and mother. It’s hard because I have a college degree and I gave up a teaching career to be with my kids and to take care of our home. It’s hard because I wasn’t prepared for all of the emotions and overwhelm. I struggle to take care of myself vs always putting everyone and everything first. I am surprised by the perpetual learning that I’ve done in the past few years. I’ve read books about tidying, nutrition, creating health sleep behaviors, self-help, emotions, how toddler’s thrive, psychology, marriage, parenting, etc. and I’ve also taken classes.

I have goals (outside of parenting and housekeeping) that I want to accomplish and I’m trying to think of creative ways to accomplish my desires. I try to see it as a season. This is just a season in life. I’m trying to be present and enjoy it and learn. It’s amazing how quickly my kids are growing up! I’m 1 year away from my kids being in school full time. That said, I do realize that I will have to be available for sick days and after school. Raising some humans is a ton of work and it’s not work that is super valued by society.

I’m here because I’m trying to cultivate a positive attitude, be more appreciative and grateful, and relate with my spouse more positively.

My sister, who is an incredibly successful entrepreneur, wife and mother herself struggles with the fact that I can’t just go out and buy a van. She sees my husband as patriarchal and controlling while failing to realize that we have a shared budget with a single income not two (and I’m definitely not bringing in 6 figures like she is). Her kids are great and she tries to be a really present parent when she is home. They however live in a very different socioeconomic status than we do and have other opportunities and experiences.

One thing I like about RedPillWives is accepting women from all walks of life and helping women see the value of respecting our partners and treating them with dignity.

Anyway, I do not think you need to pluck it out, just accept that that was a huge part of who you were. I’m saying this as an individual who straight up grew up in a religious cult. There are parts of that experience that I absolutely loved and parts of that experience that make me incredibly angry. Take it as a learning experience. If you need to work on the shame you feel for switching perspectives, then Brene Brown has written some lovely books about shame. “the gifts of imperfection” is my favorite.

FaithfulGardener · 2021-12-13T14:34:04+00:00

A homemaker doesn’t mean you don’t ever leave the house, doesn’t mean you don’t contribute to the world at large, doesn’t mean you can’t bring in an income.

Especially if your SO can make enough money that you don’t NEED to work, you could be as free as you want. But homemakers have skills that are sadly lacking today. I’m 32 and I can’t keep my home clean. I can’t cook in anything like a timely manner. If you develop those skills (which I’ve found are massively satisfying for a woman to have), you can share them by coaching, writing, etc. You’d be your own boss, work on your terms, have your own income, and still be prioritizing your family and home.

You also will have hobbies (I wager you have some now). You won’t spend all your time waiting on your husband like a servant. That actually would make both of you miserable. These hobbies might just be for you, like amateur painting, for instance, or you could get better and better at them till they are another thing that you could contribute to the world.

Finally, you will have the option to volunteer your time for causes you care about. Women who work full-time, and then come home to clean, cook, wife and parent essentially have two full-time jobs. I personally would love to volunteer with CASA, but I know I don’t have the time for that commitment. A homemaker would.

Edit: yes, you will be vulnerable to your man if you are a homemaker. You should definitely develop skills - you just have the freedom to develop skills you enjoy.

If your man marries you, he’s becoming vulnerable to you. In divorce, men get taken to the cleaners unless the woman is just obviously crazy irresponsible, like, that can be proved by evidence. A woman’s vulnerability is her strength a lot of time.

Big_Rain4564 · 2021-12-28T13:15:53+00:00

Feminism has caused so much unhappiness and immorality.

Title	It's hard to get over feminist indoctrination
Author	JackieNaper1907
Upvotes	28
Comments	7
Date	December 8, 2021 9:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/rc0vpy/its_hard_to_get_over_feminist_indoctrination/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/its-hard-to-get-over-feminist-indoctrination.1087891 https://theredarchive.com/post/1087891

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