Weight concerns

CoochQuarantine · 2016-12-19T15:15:12+00:00

Hello I have locked this thread /u/mrppants.

various women here have given you advice that you are clearly not willing to hear and understand. The community here is built on tough love and we gave you a dose of that. You are not a regular contributor here and you are trying to tell US how to behave? Fuck off with all that noise. I suggest reading more about us and reading more threads to see how we operate.

Please reread all of the advice given already in this thread and try to internalize it for the sake of your marriage. Or don't.

PhantomDream09 · 2016-12-18T19:56:35+00:00

I don't want to change my husband.

Unfortunately, this is a lie. True, you do not want to change his personality, or his efforts to be an engaging father and reliable provider. But you do want him to re-allocate his time and focus considerably into an area that he currently does not have any interest in. From your post, it sounds like this has never been something he's made time to do? Up until now it's more or less been his youth and good genes that have helped.

I'd also like to point out that you excuse your lack of needing to work out on your petite stature and personal luck. This is an attitude that doesn't help anyone. Do you have weight to lose? Your wording suggests that while you haven't gained as much when compared to your H, that you still have put on some weight. You then list your active child, and busy schedule as "valid" reasons why you don't exercise. Which is fine...except you previously listed your husband's schedule and more or less tried to make his obligations sound like 'invalid' reasons for wanting to relax/snack before bed.

The reality is, you are both busy, and you have both created a pattern that involves eating late at night and being less active than you probably should be.

Now, here's the really important part, and (in my opinion) the biggest issue. Exercise is great, I'm by no means saying that it isn't beneficial or important. But diet and what you eat is the main way people gain and lose weight. Now, there are lots of different approaches to diet (paleo, keto, vegan for example). I can't tell you what will work for you and your family. I can tell you that cutting out fast food, and eating homemade meals will be critically important.

There are prep subs that walk people through how to plan out meals for the week. All meals should come from home, and eating out shouldn't be entertained as an option for at least a month. It's such a big change from your normal routine, and it's going to add a lot to your plate. Here's the thing though - it always should have been on your plate. You say you aren't a great cook, and for the past 10 years it doesn't seem like you made any effort to learn.

You don't control what goes into ordered food, you don't know how much you're eating, or what's actually in the recipe. You are in full control of what food comes into the house. It's imperative that you make a drastic overhaul now, because you also need to think of the example you will be setting for your child.

Stop buying pre-packaged foods, snacks, chips, sodas, candies. Do your research, and buy a weighing scale for food. You need to put better food in everyone's belly 7 days a week. Your grocery bills will change quite a bit in all likelihood, but you'll also be eliminating all your fast food expenses.

Remember that this is not a temporary change, you need to change the way you and your family eats indefinitely. The goal is to never return to a place where you order out your meals more than maybe 1-2 times a month. That phase won't (should not) happen until you and your family have established a new routine of fully home-cooked meals every day of the week for at least 6 months.

Will this be easy for you? No. Will it require a great deal more effort on your part? Yes. Tell your husband that you are worried about the way the family as a whole eats. Admit that you have not made sufficient effort to provide better alternatives. You want to have family meals, and work on making better nutritional options for the both of you and your child. Do the research. It sounds like you don't know much about calories, fats, sugar, protein, or carbs - and how drastically different a take-out meal and a home-cooked meal of the same dish will vary in terms of nutrition.

You'll need to learn how to bulk buy, prep, and cook meals. I love big stores like Costco. You'll need to figure out a new budget most likely. In addition, you will need to find the time to pack his lunch every day.

My point is: there's so much that you haven't done to help this problem, and you are a long way from having to go to him and start creating a situation where this is solely his fault.

Always focus on what you can control. You can start working out more, cooking better food more frequently - all positive changes that won't disturb his normal patterns. They will however bump up his quality of life significantly.

sunfloweries · 2016-12-18T20:43:14+00:00

This isn't your husband's problem. This is your problem right now.

So, here's something that people really don't understand sometimes. You can cut out take-out food and junk food all you want, but if you're still overeating the "good" foods you're cooking, you're doing yourself a disservice.

I cook every single meal in my home and generally from fresh, whole ingredients. I make my own tortillas, yogurt, sauces, dressings, bread, etc. I do this because I love food, I love cooking, I love learning new things, and because I have the time and energy to do it.

I'm still an obese porker. Why? Because even though all of the above paragraph is true, I still eat more calories than my body needs.

You don't have to be eating junk food and takeout to be eating too much food. Cutting out junk food isn't going to solve everything. You need to understand nutrition. You need to understand calories in vs. calories out.

What's been helpful for me? Having a food scale to weigh out my portions and the ingredients I use to cook. Logging my calories in MyFitnessPal. And most importantly, not lying to myself and making excuses.

You say you aren't a good cook, but all you really need to be one is the ability to follow directions, learn cooking techniques, and try.

Work on understanding good nutrition, healthy meals, and creating a balance in your life. When you provide these options for your family, it will make a long-term, lasting impact.

Irisandoleander · 2016-12-18T21:27:20+00:00

Repeat after me.

I can't change my husband. Nothing I do will make my husband change his behavior. My change in mind set can only change my own behavior because the person I control is me and only me.

This is YOUR problem. Not his. Work on yourself.

Also I have struggled with something similar and I wrote about it here: https://irisandoleander.wordpress.com/2016/03/25/if-he-complains-give-him-head/

blushinglilly · 2016-12-18T20:03:31+00:00

Fortunately, I am naturally petite and have never had to worry about my own weight but take out and lazing on the couch has not been good for either of us.

In my view there is not such a thing as naturally petite or thin or whatever. You are slim because you don't over eat, your husband is overweight because he does.

If he is not a fan of working out, why not encourage him to do some other sort of activity that is fun exercise instead? Perhaps something with your children?

Maybe you could also help him with portion control? That way he doesn't have to change what he eats, just how much. For example the snacking. It sounds to me like he is eating mindlessly and that he is not particularly attached to how much he eats. Perhaps if you could make him a nice plate of healthy snacks he would eat that instead? A handful of pretzels, some chopped up fruit with a few nuts, some crudités and a dip is not that high in calories if done carefully. Still tastes amazing and satisfying too.

If he works outside the home I'd think about trying to provide a low calorie but interesting lunch with a few snacks too.

Another thing to look at is whether or not he is getting enough sleep, as it's when we are sleep deprived that we tend to turn to high calorie foods to get us through the slump. If he isn't getting enough sleep is there anything you can do to help that?

HappyWifeLifeX · 2016-12-18T19:43:25+00:00

I don't want to change my husband.

Yes you do, you explained how and why quite thoroughly.

You also admitted your side of the issue and excused yourself for not being perfect. Now you can excuse him for not being perfect also. He will do something about himself if or when he wants to. He will take a lot longer to truly want to if you nag at him, no matter how subtly.

Cook good food and be a kind person - the end.

Aitikulta · Mon Dec 19 0:45:10 2016 UTC

I'm not sure what your schedules are like or where you live but what about going out all together as a family to do something active? Like start with walks around the neighborhood for fresh air with your child and then gradually up to hikes in a local forest/wooded area. If you have a trampoline park nearby, or a YMCA go for a family swim. It's good for all of you and it's a fun and healthy way to relax all together.

We live up north but we love going for walks, hikes, to the beach in the summer, and skating. Everyone is having fun and there's no nagging.

xBreakFreex · 2016-12-19T04:34:22+00:00

First off if he does home improvement work thats exercise. if his work is also labour heavy then that too would be working off the calories. Continue doing what you are doing. Be prepared with food. Maybe meal-prep his food for the week so he can take meals and snack with him. Have dinner ready when he gets home as well as healthy snacks. Do NOT keep bad items in the house. Obviously he may go out of his way to buy junk food, and you can't control that. Do your best and see how you go.

Goingdowntheroad · 2016-12-19T12:31:43+00:00

If she is really struggling to be physically attracted to him, wouldn't it be better to tell him something? I mean, obviously say it in a respectful way. But if she's not attracted to her man because of all the weight he's gained seems to me that's something he'd want to know, and fix. Just a thought.

[deleted] · 2016-12-19T17:08:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Weight concerns
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	10
Comments	37
Date	December 18, 2016 5:27 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5j18ir/weight_concerns/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/weight-concerns.209283 https://theredarchive.com/post/209283

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