Accepting the Terrain

Kara__El · 2020-03-08T00:30:06+00:00

Do you think your age or community or location make a difference to what you are experiencing?

I think we overlook this a lot on RPW. I'm in the heavily religious, American South. While online dating was already ubiquitous when we met, I was able to clearly state my conservative values on my profile and got very little push back. I had little trouble enforcing my boundaries, right down to refusing to get physical with anyone until I met my husband, even on second and third dates. Men just understood that I wasn't there for that and seemed to respect it.

Does you think your age or community or location make a difference to what you are experiencing?

I was 27 when I met my husband (30) and the fact that I was childless was one of my biggest assets, according to him. Around here, people marry and have children very young, so while I was divorced, the fact that I had no children still made me a commodity, especially combined with my education and willingness to support myself (according to him), which I also consider regional.

NicoleInBlue · 2020-03-13T08:54:39+00:00

I come from a small town where people are socially and politically conservative but currently live in the capital city where I am surrounded by more left leaning, progressive people.
In the small town, holding out on sex for commitment is the rule. Casual sex is generally looked down on and guys don't expect that a girl will put out unless they commit (excluding the girls who have such reputation.) So most won't even make a move unless they get a clear sign you are into it. I felt much more free to let my guard down when dating someone there because I knew that no boundaries would be overstepped.
In the big city, things are different. If you are dating someone, sex is expected to happen soon. Most guys want some level of intimacy on the first date. Mind that I'm not using dating apps to meet men, only organically. Commitment before sex is only possible if it's someone under your league.

wymone · 2020-03-10T06:16:35+00:00

I live about 45 min from a major city. Most all 20s-30s have moved TO the city, leaving the suburbs full of families and older folk. For a lot of men in the city, 45 min is too far to consider a date. And for those who don’t think it’s too far- could they be having trouble finding closer dates? It’s a weird place to be.

Pola_Lita · 2020-03-08T05:58:05+00:00

Trading sex for commitment has never seemed sensible. Being "Gatekeeper of Sex" isn't a pleasant thought for me and to be honest, NOTHING gets me fired up faster than the idea that anything a man does or doesn't do could obligate me to be sexually intimate with him. Probably it's lucky for me then, living on the American west coast.

When I met my husband I was already considering a less equal sort of relationship; those men willing to truly be equals weren't quite "inspiring" me anymore. In fact, I'd also started thinking about a life without a partner and it didn't seem too tragic. His ideas were farther in the gender role direction than my thoughts had ever gone and sometimes it did feel like the worst idea and the biggest dangerous plan. Enough times though, it felt so perfect and peaceful.

He'd been a friend for a long time and at almost 20 years older, already knew what he wanted in his marriage. We didn't need to date, I just needed to decide. When I did, it felt like pressing the last piece of the puzzle in place. We're happy.

So, I don't know what this says about the terrain theory. If either of us had accepted it we wouldn't be doing what we are today. Although, who's to say if we had we'd be any less happy? IDK. I just know I got lucky.

LateralThinker13 · 2020-03-09T17:05:38+00:00

Sun Tzu would say that if the terrain of battle is unsuitable to a potential victory, change the battlefield.

There are plenty of alternatives to Tinder and the carousel. Get a hobby (like hiking) and attend a hiking club. Get religion and go to church functions. Get a Subaru and go to Subaru driving meetups. Whatever it takes. Go places looking for a friend/companionship first, life partner/sex partner second. Otherwise you can come across as desperate... or easy. Because the tinder/club scene is full of easy.

Title	Accepting the Terrain
Author	pearlsandstilettos
Upvotes	11
Comments	21
Date	March 7, 2020 10:21 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ff2mx4/accepting_the_terrain/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/accepting-the-terrain.353357 https://theredarchive.com/post/353357

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