Cold Season equals grumpy and "unsatisfied" SO

girlwithabike · 2017-10-13T11:32:20+00:00

My guy is very sympathetic when I'm sick ... or even the few days a month that I get horrid pms or cramps. If I say that I'm sick he won't instigate sex and will offer to find his own meals.

Leading should mean taking care of those you are leading. Strong leadership is understanding "this is what you are capable of right now" and moving forward accordingly.

So even though we like to reflect on our own faults first, I'd say that in this case you have a right to be annoyed. You took care of food which is the biggest most basic need for your family. After that you need rest so that you can more quickly get back up to your usual self. The harder you push yourself the longer you stay under the weather.

Maybe some of the lurking men can suggest ways to deal with your SO delicately. In your shoes I might not handle it gracefully (am a terrible sick person).

MetalDevils · 2017-10-13T17:40:12+00:00

I don't turn down sex, but if he sees I am sick or injured then he doesn't press me. On the rare occasion that sex isn't an option I have a list: mouth, hand, boobs... there's more than one way to give him what he needs.

He's never treated me the way your husband did, I would be really shocked if he did.

How frequently do you normally have sex? When was the last time prior to this instance?

Cardiscappa · 2017-10-13T17:20:20+00:00

For the first time this year I told my SO black out NO! when he initiated sex.

"Sorry honey, I'm really not feeling well, maybe in a few days after I get some rest? Thanks for understanding."

My current SO hasn't seen me other than perfect, but I have a feeling he'd be really understanding and loving that he can be helpful. For you, I'd certainly be annoyed too! I hope you start feeling better.

NewMindRedPill · 2017-10-13T18:09:08+00:00

My boyfriend wouldn't even try to be intimitate when I'm sick or super tired. He's very observant and I haven't ever turned him away because of this.

I have a great immune system so I bounce back quickly but if I'm even a bit sick my boyfriend gets very commanding and tells me to stop working/cleaning/whatever and to go lie down. He then brings me tea or might cook.

Even after my first pilates class I was exhausted and he made me sit down while he cooked dinner. To an outside observer he might seem a bit bossy/controlling but he's just protective of me.

HB3234 · 2017-10-14T01:45:23+00:00

Wow. When I am sick, my boyfriend makes me his famous chicken dumpling soup and babies the hell out of me: massages, putting on my favorite dorky bbc shows though he hates them, either doing my chores or not making noise about them being undone.

In this one area, your man sounds really subpar. You have every right to be irritated.

However, if you're routinely meeting your commitments in terms of meals, chores, sex, etc, it's worth exploring why he is so quick to feel dejected and unappreciated. That's a pretty extreme reaction from a man who gets his needs met, and almost sounds like he is looking for an excuse to be upset. Are you really on your shit? Honestly. Because if you aren't, you know exactly the problem -- but if you are om your shit and he is saying these things, it sounds like you may have tripped on the tip of a really toxic iceberg of entitlement. Or he is hiding some bad behavior from you and trying to use "I am unappreciated" as his justification.

SouthernAthena · 2017-10-13T22:12:43+00:00

Unless I'm not really that sick, my boyfriend does not try to initiate when I'm such. He can tell when I feel like crap and I doubt I'm sending sexy signals. Also he is perfectly fine with leftovers (he encourages them so we don't have to cook so often).

I would be mad if I were you. Is there some other reason he might be feeling impatient? Stress at work or something? You say you haven't been neglecting him in general... You should get a pass for being sick.

that_other_person1 · 2017-10-13T15:44:54+00:00

Wow, he should help with food and housework if you’re sick. Seems a discussion is in order.

I’m long distance with my husband, and I’ve literally never turned down sex from him. Some days when I was with him I wanted sex, but there wasn’t time or he was sick. He is the one that gets sick way more often than me! We’re also very fortunate to have a similar sex drive, as I wasn’t lacking for much during his longest visit. It is important to have a similar sex drive, but turning down sex because of being sick is obviously different.

loneliness-inc · 2017-10-16T12:13:45+00:00

We - as internet strangers - can sit here and reiterate to you how terrible it was for him to have been so inconsiderate, how wrong he is and how right you are, but doing so won't help you one iota, so I won't do that. Instead, I'll try to focus in on what you could do differently next time.

For the first time this year I told my SO black out NO!

If you spoke to me like that, I'd be grumpy and feel disrespected no matter what you were speaking about. Just listen to your tone of voice, it's highly disrespectful. Being sick isn't the issue here and neither is you not being up for sex. The issue is the manner in which you rejected sex. "Black out NO!" Is pretty intense and a highly inappropriate way to speak to your husband.

A more appropriate way would be to softly hold his hand, look into his eyes, tell him how much you love and desire him but that you're really not feeling well now so you aren't up for sex. Offer a mind-blowing raincheck and fulfill your word as soon as you're feeling better.

Also, u/girlwithabike here's a male perspective you asked for.

RainbowKitty77 · 2017-10-13T10:56:50+00:00

Honestly my significant other manages with dinner and the house not being spotless. I almost never turn down sex. He's grumpy for awhile if I do tho. I think it's a bit natural. That being said overall do you feel appreciated?

Title	Cold Season equals grumpy and "unsatisfied" SO
Author	Waldorfmutti
Upvotes	17
Comments	32
Date	October 13, 2017 10:09 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/763u5t/cold_season_equals_grumpy_and_unsatisfied_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/cold-season-equals-grumpy-and-unsatisfied-so.73584 https://theredarchive.com/post/73584

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