Do I need to change?

BlueberrySea · 2018-02-19T19:20:06+00:00

There's nothing wrong with your dreams and way of being.

And I do think pursuing a career is overrated. But I mean a career in the typical way we think of it - going up a corporate ladder of some sort, spending a long time and stressing out and doing things you don't enjoy doing just so you can get promoted and earn more money (it can also involve being more masculine and aggressive, that being said a lot of women like it and only take on a more feminine role at home, there's nothing wrong with that either).

However, basing all of your happiness on other people (husband and children) is a recipe for unhappiness. You need to invest in something you're passionate about. It doesn't need to be a career.

Maybe it's working with children? Maybe you could volunteer to work with children in need or maybe do something artsy or see if there's anything you consider girly that you could do professionally without it being a 'career'.

Having a family and husband can still be your main goal in life but, even when you have all that, having a passion that is independent of other people (even if it's people you love) will do wonders for your sanity.

And I'm not sure if men will disrespect you because you are the way you are. If they treat you like crap it's because they're not nice guys. It would have nothing to do with your preferences in life. That being said, a man might desire you more if they see you are engaged with other things in life. Being truly passionate about something might signal to him how passionate you can be in general.

Hopefully this helps :)

NewMindRedPill · 2018-02-19T22:02:23+00:00

My 2 cents. I think the only issue I see is that you are not able to keep up in conversations at times. I once read, and this was advice from 100 years ago or more, that a high class lady should be well educated on numerous subjects in order to keep up with stimulating coversations. Even though society women didn't have careers then they were expected to be very well educated, eloquent, and speak several languages. They were expected to prompt and keep up with stimulating coversation with others without dominating the men. In today's modern time I do think that many career women have the advantage of a large knowledge requirement and thus they can keep up with many men in conversation. If they are eloquent and graceful that is a different matter.

I have seen a lot of career women attract high quality men via charm and stimulating conversations about philosophy, politics, business etc. And then I've seen these women do a 180 and become housewives that can entertain his guests with the same level of conversation and intellect and the men love it. I honestly think it was their plan all along sometimes. Lol Ex. my friend who gained her engineer degree and got married right away with her college bf who is working as an engineer. She hasn't worked even one day and is a housewife now. Now all she does is bake and clean and charm him. Ex. Another example. My red pill friend worked her butt off and got straight As at top university and wants to become a teacher. She is already working. She and her bf are getting married in a couple of years. He is going to be an aerospace engineer and loves the fact she tries so hard. However we all know when she has kids she will switch to being a stay at home mom. Part of the reason he is attracted to her is because she showed that she is hardworking. She will be hardworking at home with the kids too.

You don't necessarily have to become a career woman but I'd recommend you try to rival them in educated conversations about current affairs. Read the Newspaper, current international news, economic and political magazines, clasical literature, and learn a second language. But dont try to dominate the guy but be ready to know what he is talking about.

Ex. I was on a date with a guy and he was talking about wanting to get into trading currency. So I said, oh you mean FOREX?" He was so shocked and I feel like I could see his respect and interest in me jump dramatically. Do I know anything else besides the name of what he wanted to do? No haha but it still was a big deal for him.

Also what are you doing for money? Guys are generally influenced by society so if a guy starts dating you and you have a job that doesn't reflect well society could try to dissuade him. For ex. A teacher is a job that many guys have respect for than say a bartender or grocery clerk. In fact I think the most attractive job on one survey was Speech Pathologist which is a relatively easy job usually working with kids and you would finish at the same time the kids finish school usually.

Whatever you do until marriage Id recommend find something you love and work hard. Let it be your passion. It may not earn a lot of money and you don't need to be a career woman but by showing you have a depth of interests and character will promote attraction.

ManguZa · 2018-02-19T19:07:21+00:00

Trust yourself.

MyUserNamesIsTaken_1 · 2018-02-19T23:55:58+00:00

You just described yourself as a conservative girl. Conservative people are oppressed in this current society. But stick to your guns, the tides are changing. I'd suggest you change your friends, because nobody should call you weak for being a feminine girl. Your friends should accept your views. I have liberal and conservative friends, and I don't try to bully them into thinking differently, I appreciate what they have to offer. Your friends are losers to be honest. I bet they pressure you to fuck around too.

As for work, their careers and money don't buy them happiness (or even success for that matter, because most jobs aren't that interesting). Most of these career feminists become 35, childless, single, extremely bitter and miserable. I've met plenty of them, they're not impressive or interesting to talk to. Quite the opposite, they're rude, arrogant and obnoxious.

So make some new friends!

adirp · 2018-02-20T12:43:08+00:00

The problem I see happening today is that of heavy polarization: women choose one path or the other. I see so many undergrads (mostly freshmen/sophomores I interact with), and they just bury themselves into homework, then party hard on weekends as a way to make up for social time, thinking that's going to fulfill them in the long term.

Instead of drifting like everybody else, they could join some club on campus, or meetup group in an area they are interested in, and meet like-minded people. There are even religious communities they could join. I personally like to do archery and spend time with the Catholic grad students - they seem very level headed.

My point is, the career vs family debate doesn't have to be a binary choice. Why not earn some kind of degree in a field YOU (not your friends) are passionate about, and at the same time keep an eye open for potential partners? Avoid the party scene, there are so much better and more constructive ways to socialize.

They tell me I'm childish and only old people are still thinking like me, they are all really successful and some of them already started their career

You're 18. I usually tell this to men, but it really applies to everyone: start making your own decisions, and stop letting others dictate what you do. Those same women who spend their 20s focusing on careers end up being 28-30, single, wondering where all the good men have gone. A career/degree and being "successful" does absolutely nothing in attracting a mate - it's only there for you as a source of income, and (hopefully) fulfillment. It does nothing to make you more attractive in our eyes. You can be a hairdresser for all we care. In fact, I actively avoid "career women" because they are generally more combative and tend to act like men. If you have something going for you that you really enjoy, that's much more important in our eyes than blindly following some prescribed recipe for success by pursuing a "career."

If you want life advice, go to your parents, grandparents, or someone who has attained the things that you want to have. That's what I do. It served me well so far.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-02-20T01:56:30+00:00

I think you should prepare as though this will not happen for you, but act in a way that gives you the best possibility for this to happen for you.

Go to school, get a job, and put yourself in a position to have the possibility of a career at least. Sometimes you will have to work even after marriage. it's possible that you fall in love with a man who only makes a moderate salary when you wed. You should always be prepared for the worst case scenario, and try to secure the best case scenario.

Lacy_Drays · 2018-02-19T18:28:24+00:00

You can remain silly and funny when you know about more stuff than most people in the room too. People shouldn't really educate themselves to show off with it - they should educate to get to live better lives with it :)

The way you are right now will NOT guarantee you a guy who will treat you like crap.

It would help you if you could sustain yourself - but if you really don't think that you want to participate in the whole career life, it's not so important.

Your friends might be afraid that you would have to depend on someone else's wallet if you don't find a good job - and that is going to suck for you, if it becomes that way.

But the kind of man who would love to have a wife - well, maybe look older guys, since most at your age probably want to swing around and do whatever.

Another place you might want to try - attend a church. There are more of these type of people over there, I'd think.

NameOfAction · 2018-02-19T20:16:21+00:00

I’m a 35yr old licensed professional man. You are exactly what I, and some of my peers, are looking for.

I have a home, income and all the trappings of a middle class life except one big part.

There are very high quality men who would happily provide the lifestyle you’re looking for.

knc217 · 2018-02-21T00:12:29+00:00

I'm in the same situation; I'm 18, feeling pressured into college and a career, and love children and want nothing more than to be a SAHM. You completely summarized everything I'm feeling right now.

I obviously don't have it all figured out. However, I do second the suggestion of potentially going into childcare. I work at a small local daycare in the summer and love it, and I'm considering attending community college (at least for the first few years) rather than a larger university so I can schedule my education around my passion. The way I see it, you're earning money (likely minimum wage, depending on the size of the organization) doing something you enjoy as well as obtaining an education on your own terms for a fraction of the cost. And you needn't go into childcare; any job you enjoy that can prepare you for being a wife and mother (and homeschooler, if you so choose) can be chosen.

Don't try to change yourself to please the world. Similarly, don't get caught up in the pursuit of happiness, because you will end up with anything but.

polakfury · 2018-02-21T15:06:21+00:00

Best the best version of you and be what men are looking for which is a nice feminine figure to go out and be with. Someone who is caring and doesnt nag. Lives a healthy lifestyle. Etc.

Rivkariver · 2018-02-21T17:12:44+00:00

I used to be around people who had way more education than me, and their identity was wrapped up in being academic. I had different goals. Although I knew I was ok, I could tell they believed I had nothing going on in my head because I was not like them. They were rude and only talked about their thesis topics, excluding people who didn’t have the same knowledge. It was easy to believe they were right, my brain was empty, and feel bad about myself. Distancing myself from that crowd helped.

LateralThinker13 · 2018-02-21T20:07:31+00:00

TL;DR: Are my friends wrong for trying to push me into a career and should I change my lifestyle according to that or are they just wrong?

Sounds like you have a lot of blue pill friends, yes? I understand that you're shy and don't have many friends, but they sound like they're trying to hold you back from doing what makes you happy.

You do you. If they want you to follow their values and be happy their way, rather than doing what makes you truly happy and fulfilled your way on your personal path, then you need new friends.

Title	Do I need to change?
Author	LaneysWorld
Upvotes	20
Comments	20
Date	February 19, 2018 5:47 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7yoh1c/do_i_need_to_change/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-i-need-to-change.74282 https://theredarchive.com/post/74282

Comments