Failed Vetter.?

SunshineSundress · 2021-10-08T09:07:58+00:00

If you need more guidance for vetting, check out the Official RPW Guide to Vetting Parts One, Two, and Three! These are incredibly helpful and were written/curated by some of the best RPW alums!

Your question hits on this idea I’ve been playing with for a little while. Right now, I’m calling it “incremental submission”. It only really makes sense if you understand a few concepts first.

1) The best, most effective way for us to get commitment from men is to provoke their innate protective instincts that they have for things that are smaller and cuter than they are.

2) The best, most effective way for us to provoke men’s protective instincts (because for the HVM who have lots of options & girls throwing themselves at him, being small and cute is mandatory but not enough), is to use submissive behavior as strategy.

3) While submission is indeed a powerful tool in our RPW toolbox, it is important we don’t use it on men who A) are so out of our leagues that no matter what we do we cannot get anything more than sex from him, B) are completely incapable of having protective instincts for women or anyone/anything, C) do not inspire very much attraction/dedication/respect from us, and/or D) have major red flags along the lines of violence, addiction, extreme mental health disorders, etc.

Okay. So, knowing all of that, here’s why I think incremental submission is the best way to address ALL of these factors. We know how powerful submission is to inspiring his protective instincts, and therefore his commitment. But we ALSO know that submission means vulnerability, and while feminine vulnerability can be the catalyst of immensely fulfilling love from a benevolent protector of a man, it also could land us in a lot of trouble if we are vulnerable to the wrong men for us. But with incremental submission, we get to take away A LOT of the risk factors in the early stages - while we are still vetting - AND use that incremental submission as a form of vetting in and of itself.

I’m assuming that because you are trying to find the difference between HVM with lots of options & girls throwing themselves at him vs. players who only want to hook up & never want LTRs, you prefer men with more pre-commitment risk (and a greater reward + lower post-commitment risk) over men who have less options and lower value but are definitely not players and have low pre-commitment risk. We have that in common. What I’ve learned about dating men like this (and snagging one) was that they absolutely still work like all other men - they still are most inclined to commit when you activate their protective instincts and use submissive behavior as strategy. But to save myself the trouble of being a perpetual plate/FWB/hook-up or ending up with an otherwise unsatisfactory man, I had to find a way to use submissive behavior on men WITHOUT rendering myself completely vulnerable to a man who might fall into categories A, B, C, or D of Section 3.

So I did that by submitting slowly and incrementally, starting with ways that, while they definitely invoke the protective instinct in men, were relatively risk- and vulnerability-free in the grander scheme of things. For me, that meant doing small, submissive gestures that really didn’t take any skin off my back. When I was a few dates in with my current SO, I did this by telling him that I wanted to cook him his favorite food as a thank you for how well he had treated me thus far. It was something that my feminist peers gasped at (“Cook for him?! You barely even know him! What are you, a Stepford Wife?!”), but it showed him that I was feminine, submissive, kind, and caring in one fell swoop. And really, all it cost me were a few hours of cooking, under $15 of groceries, and absolutely none of my control over our very new dynamic/relationship.

And boy, oh boy, did it work. From the moment that I did that, was the moment that I could tell he had feelings for me too. And THAT’s how you can use incremental submission as a vetting strategy too - you do a small and risk-less act of submission and you watch to see how he reacts. If he is overjoyed and returns your act of submission with care, gratitude, effort, and investment, then you can add a +1 for his likelihood of actually committing to you.

You can incrementally up the ante and slowly start to do more acts of submission, each time allowing for a little more vulnerability on your part. You start to let him lead by following his plans for a date, then for a weekend getaway, then eventually for an actual trip together. You slowly start to incorporate the facets of what makes a good First Mate into your budding relationship. Each time, you continue to check that he is responding positively with more investment on his end. Eventually, you add so many +1s to his likelihood to commit that it’s pretty darn clear this man is wholly committed and invested in you.

HOWEVER, if at any point he responds nonchalantly, or even distances himself from you thanks to your little acts of submissiveness, then you know that, for whatever reason, this guy probably doesn’t feel protective instincts for you, and likely is not interested in committing to you. (And obviously, you give him more leeway when he’s at +75 on the likelihood to commit scale vs. when he’s at +1.5 😂) But because you didn’t do anything that ACTUALLY affected or hurt you in any meaningful way, you can take that in stride and accept it as a case of successful vetting against men in those A/B/C/D categories and move on unaffected.

I’ve been thinking about this topic for a few weeks thanks to an incredibly insightful comment from u/girlwithasidecar. Your question just fit it perfectly, so I couldn’t resist the temptation to share my thoughts with you too 😂

A-Promise · 2021-10-08T15:11:41+00:00

Are you open to considering a third option of men who don’t have girls throwing themselves at him because he’s the type of guy who doesn’t respond to that, and also isn’t a player? It sounds like part of your criteria for choosing a man is the social proof of other women throwing themselves at him. Men who enjoy that type of attention and engage with it are probably the type of men who enjoy casual sex and taking up the offers of all of their options whilst single and possibly even once in a relationship, which seems like is what happened with your ex who didn’t honour your exclusivity because the women throwing themselves at him didn’t stop overnight when you’d started dating, and he continued to engage with it.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2021-10-09T18:01:32+00:00

Unless you’re going for exclusively famous men, men don’t really have women “throwing themselves” at them. The men who have that are entertaining women who do that. If they shut it down it stops.

If you’re only going for men like that then your odds of success are gonna be pretty low.

Title	Failed Vetter.?
Author	Sarahhartttt
Upvotes	6
Comments	10
Date	October 8, 2021 6:37 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/q3s6fa/failed_vetter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/failed-vetter.1076760 https://theredarchive.com/post/1076760

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